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1 and a half year PM-free - found love of my life -struggling with ED/performance anxiety

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by damirios, Jun 18, 2018.

  1. damirios

    damirios Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys!

    So after a while I´ve come back to check the forums because yesterday I had ED while becoming intimate with my soon-to-be wife...

    First of all, I have to say that I´m PM-free since January 5th of 2017, almost 1 and a half year... After more than two decades of PMO I feel really proud about what I´ve achieved. The last 2 years I´ve done many great things. Not to mention that last year I met my soon-to-be wife and the love of my life... I´m sure if I had been Pmo-ing I wouldn´t been able to get in such a deep and meaningful relationship.

    Today me and my fiancee, we´re celebreating our one-year anniversary. Sadly yesterday while we became intimate and we were about to have sex I had ED. From the beginning I didn´t have a very hard erection, and when I put on the condom my penis deflated like a balloon. This has happened several times, I would estimate about one out of 5 times we have sex. Anytime ED happens my selfesteem weakens and I think that it causes me to sometimes avoid sex subconsciously..
    Now I´m clean from PMO, and I rarely have urges or thoughts about it, maybe once a month. I´ ve reached a point of hating and being disgusted by P, because I experience how wonderful life and my intimate relationship with my fiancee is and how much harm PMO caused me.

    My problem is that I still experience (PI)ED or performance anxiety. I´m not sure if my problem is fully related to PMO, as it should have been resolved by now. Or that P has messed up my brain more than I thought. All those years I used to have some PIED problems with some girls, especially with those who were not very hot-looking, more like above average... I think the repeated ED cases have caused a performance anxiety. Now that I have a woman that I really love and want to be intimate with, I feel that pressure.

    I haven´t told her about my past, but I think it would be better to do so, even if I´m very afraid about losing her...
    Also I think that I have to spend more time with her, cuddling, kissing, to re-wire my brain for the intimate contact as I still sometimes feel that I cannot loosen up myself.

    What do you think guys?
    Anyone experience similar problems?
    How do you try to overcome these problems?

    I would appreciate your comments and suggestions!!

    Have a nice day!
     
  2. Thomas8

    Thomas8 Fapstronaut

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    1st congrats on being free from PMO for 1 1/2 years that great and should be proud of yourself. As to your ED, it may not be PIED, but just anxiety. Based on your writing this may be the first women you have really fallen for and don't want to lose her. If she going to be your wife and truly going to your partner talk to her about your ED. Also, look at your diet, there are many foods that can help and many that will destroy your erection. Fatty products can hurt. Also working out helps, get your blood going. Last what are you thinking about? Is there something that you are thinking about that destroying your mood? Also, if you are religious, make sure you are not doing something against your own beliefs.
     
  3. damirios

    damirios Fapstronaut

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    Thanx @Thomas8 ! I work out a lot and I´m eating healthy. I think it´s pretty much a mental problem. You are right, I´m afraid of losing her. When we are about to have sex I´m thinking about performing well and if there is just a tiny thing that´s annoying me, e.g. a hair in my face or if I see something on her that I don´t like it destroys my mood. Also when we start making out I focus on myself so much that I don´t get aroused, which again is killing my mood, although the one thing I really want is to have sex with her.
     
  4. Thomas8

    Thomas8 Fapstronaut

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    I think you need to talk to her about this, about the fair of losing her and the anxiety you are having.
     
    atomicdibbles likes this.
  5. SpiritVessel

    SpiritVessel Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Thomas8 completely. This is your soon-to-be wife. You should open up to her. When I told my partner about my plan to reboot, she was actually thrilled. "Wait, you mean more cuddling, foreplay and a deepening focus on intimacy? Sign me up. Flatlines? So what, more cuddling. ... etc."

    Having her know what I'm going through made me feel less pressure when we did engage. And she now knows how to approach the situation in a way that helps calm my anxiety. When she didn't know how I was feeling, she unintentionally would say/do things that made me more anxious, and made the problem worse.

    Your fiancé deserves to know what you're going through. If you bring it to her with in the spirit of growing closer to her and being more vulnerable, intimate and connected, she will probably thank you for it and ask what she can do to be a productive part of your recovery.
     
    atomicdibbles likes this.

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