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1 Week in Hell

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by LadyDefiant, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. LadyDefiant

    LadyDefiant Fapstronaut

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    Today is day 7 since I learned of my husband's addiction. As I said in an earlier post it has been a roller coaster of emotions. While I still haven't decided if divorce is the route I want to take, I have made progress in taking steps towards my own recovery.
    I've been reading about sexual addiction and how it affects everything and how there is potential for it everywhere. I have used his confession as a wake up call for myself. As he struggles to discover what led him to his addiction, I am searching for my own answers. Why didn't I have a problem with P for so many years? Why was I able to overlook so many warning signs? Why did I feel like my sexuality was dependent on him? Those are just a few.
    I've contacted a few face to face support groups but as of yet haven't been to any meetings. I've set clear boundaries with my husband about what I need for my own recovery. And I've been proactive, offering encouragement and a different POV for his recovery, and making myself a priority, which is something I've struggled with in the past.
    On another note we went 4 days without physical contact (my choice) and while extremely difficult we talked and realized it was beneficial for us both. I haven't progressed past getting and giving a hug but I'm hopeful that as we both continue our journeys and I start to be able to trust him again that physical contact will no longer be associated with negative emotions.
     
  2. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    It's good to see that you finally got your feet underneath you. So many questions arise when this secret finally reaches the light of day. I'm glad you were able to find some of the answers you needed in order to form a plan going forward.

    It's not unusual to feel repulsed by his touch. After any form of betrayal many wives feel as if the very molecules that make up his body has changed into something repugnant. Sometimes that feeling goes away... sometimes they never get over it. It's one of the signs that is used to see if forgiveness is possible.

    Sometimes partners need to take separate paths and do some healing on their own before they can come back together and work on the relationship. Many wives have recommended waiting to make any important decisions until the shock wears off. You could always leave, but you cannot always come back.

    Also, both partners will have different timelines for recovery that do not always line up with each other. It's been reported that some husbands make remarkable progress in the first few weeks while their wives are stuck on Day 1. Don't let anyone hold you to a timeline or rush you to make any decisions. In a way you have more power and control over the relationship than you ever had before.

    Please keep us informed and let us know if you need any advice or support.
     
    LizzyBlanca likes this.
  3. LadyDefiant

    LadyDefiant Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this piece of advice. Historically, whenever problems arise with other people I'm all speed racer to help them but do nothing to help myself. I'm finally putting myself first and taking responsibility for my own recovery and it's difficult. I catch myself saving articles and links for him to look at for help instead of focusing on myself. It's a behavior that has not served me well in the past and yet it takes conscious effort everyday to stop trying to help him at my own expense.

    On a side note if you are capable of doing FANOS with your SO i highly recommend it. We've incorporated it into an evening routine and it is awesome what clearing your mind through talk can do for you before bed.
     

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