1 Year, 5 Months Mark

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by BigCatTunski, Dec 3, 2020.

  1. BigCatTunski

    BigCatTunski Fapstronaut

    108
    253
    63
    I think we can all agree that this year was terrible. Personally, this has been one of my most challenging years to date.

    Still going forward with no PMO. But I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong, even after all this time. I’m trying to stay focused on what I need to do, but I’d be lying if I said it weren’t hard.

    Being completely honest, my lack of discipline is crippling. While I’ve made it this far with no PMO, I lack discipline in everything else. I get lazy, I get complacent, and looking at myself throughout all this makes me doubt myself. Oftentimes, I find myself asking, “what is it all for?”

    I do well when remaining on my purpose, but then I get distracted. I got my roommate, whom I’m close with, basically bringing a new girl to the house a couple times a month. When this happens, it messes with my head. It makes me feel like I’m missing out. Like I’m still doing something wrong. I don’t like to make excuses, either. I take sole responsibility for my reaction to all this.

    And on top of everything, I got COVID. So no work, no girl, and little discipline. I don’t wanna say that I’m at my breaking point, but I’d be lying if I didn’t feel close to it.

    I went and got this poster that reads, “Be patient. Everything is coming together.” Maybe I just need to wait a bit longer for the life I need.

    Getting distracted easily is something that needs to get changed ASAP. To those still struggling, I’m there with you. Though we may have our distant struggles, we still struggle nonetheless. Nobody’s problem is smaller than the others. I’m praying for you all. Hopefully you’re paying for me, too.

    wishing you all Godspeed.
     
  2. ChristopherJamaal

    ChristopherJamaal New Fapstronaut

    2
    5
    3
    Here are my two cents regarding self care emotionally and practically. But before I get into that--that sucks regarding Covid, I hope you get and feel better!

    Emotional care: Sounds like you need to remind yourself and choose once again your 'WHY' as well as embrace your personal--inner joy. This translates to gratitude, which then strengthens your endurance and fortitude. You want to practice positive core emotions so they become habitual and your 'why' can motivate you to continue looking at life positively. Your already 1.5 years of nofap--be proud!

    Whatis it emotionally have you learned so far? Write it down. Are you holding on to resentment or jealousy towards your parents, friends, people that hurt you in the past? Maybe see a therapist. On Master Class's there is a renowned sex therapist that talks about sex as a our 'birthright.' And she's right--everyone deserves intimacy, but find out 'why'--and you'll be empowered. Prayer will help in random amazing ways--There is something about the power of Jesus and a sincere prayer request. Serendipity is real and powerful.

    Practical care: Are you still peaking or having that 'look' where you look super thirsty at a girl and then get depressed? Don't do it! It just hurts you--get out your head and try online dating if you cant get out--as long as it gets you to refocus on the outer world instead of always being by yourself. Exercise obviously--but with covid that might be limited. Learn a language, practice math, explore science and spirituality. Just be consistent.

    God Bless
     
  3. lonely_1

    lonely_1 Fapstronaut

    I would suggest journaling, let the paper bear the weight you can't.
    Just remember that nofap helps with PMO issues, not everything. If I was as far as you I would see if I could start a streak of something else. Maybe running, or journaling?

    Also congrats on on a 500+ day streak, I'm going to reach the 90 day milestone in a short bit, and it's nice to see someone who succeeding for so long.
     
  4. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    We r praying for u.......its quite a long streak..... Didn't u get any benefit of Nofap..???
     
  5. lonely_1

    lonely_1 Fapstronaut

    For most people nofap doesn't not utterly change their life, it is just something that helps them improve slightly.

    For me personally the only things I have released by now is that I have less urges, I save a little bit of time, and I have less anxiety inducing thought. I have had these benefits since day 40 or so, I don't really think I will improve much from here.
     
    BigCatTunski likes this.
  6. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    whats the longest u have gone???.
     
  7. Phil 3:12-16

    Phil 3:12-16 Fapstronaut

    686
    3,023
    123
    Hi BigCatTunski,

    Congrats on making it so far! It's brilliant that you have the maturity to reflect on your thoughts and admit times of weakness. The fact that you wrote that post and are praying for others shows that you are willing to keep going in this noble battle. You are letting yourself struggle through this painful phase, and not pretending everything is fine. That's good, because it means you can better lean on the strength of God, rather than trying to lean on your own strength, also in things like laziness (which tbh everyone struggles with so don't panic). And remember that even when we fall, and fall, and fall, God is with us. But do try not to fall :) Keep your heart open. Even if our hearts are only slightly ajar, God will come to us with mercy and peace.

    I feel your pain, eh. For me, I overcame a bad habit of M as a teen (P wasn't something I ever used, but I have compassion for those struggling with it). For a few years it seemed like I had wiped M out of my life, but it came back. That's why I'm here. I sympathize with that occasional question of yours: “What is it all for?”. Even though it's confusing sometimes, let's keep trusting that this is for a good reason.

    Because of the changes you've made, you will be able to love an eventual wife far more generously, deeply, and holistically than you would have been able to if you had stayed in unhealthy sexual habits. You know now that sexuality is a precious gift, not to be given to just anyone, and that having one-off sexual encounters isn't true love. It's nice that you're close with your roommate, but keep ignoring the lie that you should be doing what he does. Your patience in these months and years could become one of the best gifts you can give your eventual wife. It's a way of loving her even now, wherever she is, because it shows you want to share life and sexual intimacy with her, only her, in a committed and exclusive way. You want to be faithful to her, so you are avoiding unhealthy sexual habits that would easily harm your relationship. THAT IS AWESOME. THAT IS STRONG. THAT IS INSPIRING. Thank you.

    And of course even if you don't marry, staying away from PMO will help you greatly on your way to being the most mature, selfless, strong and caring person you can be.

    Trust. Don't be afraid. Keep finding small ways to brighten other people's lives. Keep looking beyond your problems, knowing that even though they don't just disappear, there is plenty of good out there. And you can be part of it.
     
    again and BigCatTunski like this.
  8. BigCatTunski

    BigCatTunski Fapstronaut

    108
    253
    63
    Thank you all for the well wishes. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. I hope all of you feel the same
     
    Phil 3:12-16 likes this.
  9. TB4

    TB4 Fapstronaut

    155
    88
    28
    (This is my personal opinion, there's an obvious possibility that you disagree)
    Life sucks, and life is hard, all we can do is try to make it suck less
    I read somewhere that if you just stop PMO and think that your life will magically get better then you won't lost long, nofap isn't just about keeping it in your pants, its about replacing bad habits with new, better ones, its about trying to understand yourself deeper and trying to live your life to the fullest, if you don't know why you're doing this, you're doing it wrong,a lot of people have reccemendod journaling and i personally have no experience with that, but i plan to start doing it too, its a great way to know yourself, and as stated in the art of war, "know thyself, know thy enemy, and thou shall win"-Sun Tzu
     
    dovrha and Phil 3:12-16 like this.
  10. HelloWorld!!

    HelloWorld!! Fapstronaut

    70
    103
    33
    Hello brother,
    I got few things from a video.

    Each time when u say no to all those things that enslave you, you have started to conquer yourself. And that freedom no man wants to loose.

    PMO gives me feeling of shame and guilt. Whenever i am around other people, it feels like i am hiding some dark creepy secret. Stopping such activities, will help boost confidence and help me normalize when i am in a social situation.

    Mastering yourself is like the master key that can unlock any door u want to, in your life.

    U can ask yourself this question : Am i rewarding myself all the time for absolutely doing nothing?

    To stay focussed:
    1) U can Watch 2 NoFap motivation videos daily.
    2) Write journal entry every day. Writing every day : Why am i doing NoFap?
    3) Develop one keystone habit : Meditation/Reading/One fitness habit. (How to do this? Youtube - *** channel)
     
  11. lonely_1

    lonely_1 Fapstronaut

    At this moment I currently have my longest streak. I don't have any belief that I'm going to see any further improvements, I haven't seen improvements in over half the duration of my streak.

    Any particular reason that you are asking?
     
    PMO addict1 likes this.
  12. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    I was asking because I didnt got any benifit so far... I am intensly depressed , have anxiety.. and I lost all my cognitive functions , ecery yhing that had happend few minuits earlier It feels like happened days ago.. I cant remember what I ate yesterday.. without alot of effort.... I didnt had this memory problem But since 4-5 month I am facing it.. I was fapping obessivly before starting my streak...now I am 122 days nofap
     
  13. lonely_1

    lonely_1 Fapstronaut

    Yea, I don't have a lot of faith in this type of stuff right now. I know that porn really fucked me up, but I also feel that I haven't had much benefits from nofap. I think I might go back to masturbating, but stay away from porn at this moment, but at the same time I'm don't want to loose my streak.

    I feel lost like you, I feel that my thoughts have become more obtrusive lately for no reason, maybe because I smoked weed. It's nice to see someone that's in the same boat as me after seeming so many people claiming all sorts of crazy benefits from nofap.

    I don't know what to think or feel.
     
    PMO addict1 likes this.
  14. HelloWorld!!

    HelloWorld!! Fapstronaut

    70
    103
    33
    Brother, i find that NoFap, NoPMO, NoSex(including in thoughts) - has not been sth about physical benefits. Physical benefits happen, but are temporary. 'The' single most important thing that truly counts and has worked for me - is mental freedom.

    When i go and hide in a dark room, close the door and watch porn or masturbate, thinking nobody's watching, the only person that truly matters to me - i.e, myself(my subconscious), still knows what i am doing.

    The whole thing on NoFap journey is about patience. To say 'No' to primal sexual and other urges. And each time i do that, i am winning a small victory over myself. And these small wins are all that matters. They pour in to all aspects of my life. This is not about chasing this or that benefit. Even if all benefits go away, i know that if i PMOed even if once, there will be negative consequences of shame, guilt, fear of facing social situations and above all becoming a slave to my mind. I loose my manliness, my power over life situations,which essentially come from how much of my mind and body i have within my territory(that i can consciously drive).

    Just remember how it feels over the span of next few weeks when u masturbate. There is low energy, low enthusiasm, low motivation, low dedication, lack of sharpness of mind, low determination, u feel ashamed in front of someone truthful or honest or more powerful.

    U need to write everyday why u r doing it. Its not necessary that every day u have the answer. Just write the question everyday and see how your answer has evolved.

    Brother, this truly matters if u r truly, truly done with a mediocre life. And moreover, with NoFap more problems and challenges should come in life rather than solutions, only then we can say its working, right? More challenges means more possibility.

    Me feeling lost is good,no? Becuz Then its time to find out . This is just one more challenge. If challenges dont come up on their own , i need to challenge myself, isnt it? Just get out and run every morning or swim or cycle.. take some loan invest into sth. Taking bigger risks, sth brother, to invoke the coiled up energies. If there is no need why will energy come out. If no energy why motivated shud we feel?

    I need to work on start building some keystone good habit of fitness/meditation/reading. If we dont do that brother, if we dont do sth, its not gonna work. NoFap on itself is not gonna work. One is gonna PMO again if the stored energy is not used to enhance life. Some volunteering in some temple or NGO, pls see what works for u. Drawing, dancing, writing? Pick up one thing and risk it all. Thats all we can really do. Break more and more limitations.

    The bottomline brother is to say No to primal urges(of mostly sex) that 99% of men fail to do. To Delay Gratification, if i am truly interested in coming out of mediocrity.
     
    dovrha and Phil 3:12-16 like this.
  15. lonely_1

    lonely_1 Fapstronaut

    In terms of all the problems from PMO you just listed I never felt any of them when I did fap.

    Yes, I'm trying to build good habits, I already read, I try to journal on most days, I do some small odd jobs for money (couldn't get a real job during the current economic situation), I hang out with friends, I do many things. I'm just at a point where I don't have any benefits, only a lack of negatives (if that makes sense). I (wish as you mentioned) I journaled when I started my journey so I could look back, and see what I'm doing nofap for.

    Also it seems like you are doing nofap to avoid sex, I think this is a bad thing to do. For myself personally at this point of time I'm trying to get a girlfriend again for the first time in almost 9 months of being single.
     
  16. Phil 3:12-16

    Phil 3:12-16 Fapstronaut

    686
    3,023
    123
    Hi Lonely_1,

    It's not easy, I know. It's tough to go against the crowd. Sometimes it feels like M would be a quick fix to a moment of discomfort, whatever the cause. We all feel your struggle. We do. But please don't give up. I agree with what HelloWorld wrote. Deciding not to use porn and/or masturbate is more than 'just to avoid addiction' or to count a few physical/mental benefits.

    It's about becoming a more courageous, generous and patient person. If we do P and/or M, even if we aren't addicted, life becomes more about 'getting a quick fix to my problems', and 'getting pleasant sensations'... But the people who become the best version of themselves, who find true happiness, are those who focus on giving rather than getting. They are those who courageously work out the root of their problems, and find the most appropriate solutions. They are those whose enduring patience makes them better friends (and spouses, if they marry). They are those who know that true happiness isn't found in momentary physical sensations. I hope to become one of those people. I'm not there yet. But it's possible.

    Keep going with NF. I know the doubts you describe all too well. I overcame M as a teen (P isn't sthg I've ever used, but I have compassion for those who struggle with it), but lately I've fallen again. That's why I'm here. I thought for a while that I could M and still be happy, not get addicted, not be isolated in my own fantasy world. But I was wrong. M came back, because I didn't fully deal with the other problems in my life, and it was a 'quick-fix'. But it was not the actual solution I needed. And because I'm the kind of person who gets addicted to stuff easily, it didn't take long for addictive cycles to rear their ugly head.

    May I suggest, perhaps the reason you aren't feeling many benefits from NF isn't so much because "NF isn't that great", but possibly because there are other things going on in your that prevent you from becoming the best version of yourself? Whether those things be other habits, or difficulties with work/study, or toxic relationships, or something else. Just a thought. I'm sorry I don't know more about you so my words might not be helpful. But I just wanted to share...

    Peace, fellow fapstronaut
     
    HelloWorld!! and TB4 like this.
  17. Phil 3:12-16

    Phil 3:12-16 Fapstronaut

    686
    3,023
    123
    Hi PMO addict1,

    I hope you find some help in the words of HelloWorld and others here on NF, and perhaps in my post above to Lonely_1...Stay positive. Good things take time. A long time. It's tough, but it's worth it. I know coz things were starting to be real good for me after several years free of M, but since I didn't fully deal with other issues in life M came back. Now finding real solutions to those other issues and setting out on the journey to a full life...Of course we will never be free of problems in life, but still we can become the best version of ourselves, we can leave unhelpful habits in the past, we can find things to be grateful for each day..Don't give up :)
     
    HelloWorld!! likes this.
  18. HelloWorld!!

    HelloWorld!! Fapstronaut

    70
    103
    33
    Ohk brother. I find that it was my lack of your perspective. If u r striving, whichever way u can, that truly matters.

    And its not that i want to avoid sex. But i find that its not gonna take me where i want to, i am working on sth that needs to avoid such distractions and also its not needed, if i really want to do this.
     
  19. PMO addict1

    PMO addict1 Fapstronaut

    1,169
    491
    83
    this feeling of brainfog, depression, anxiety is killing me ... :(
     
  20. Phil 3:12-16

    Phil 3:12-16 Fapstronaut

    686
    3,023
    123
    It will get easier over time. I've been there. I had anorexia for 3 years. Major brainfog, depression, anxiety, anger, every single day. It was worse than horrible. I thought life would never get better. But it did :) Obviously life is never perfect (like the issues I had that led me to NF), but honestly life does get better when we find ways to be grateful and generous and look beyond all the passing things. I know it's hard, though. And I know all the positive talk can seem like superficial empty words. But there is real love behind them. But just keep going. I would have been stuck in that rut forever if I hadn't seen a therapist, which I was so reluctant to do. But we need others. Life is getting better for me now. Maybe some more professional help than just NF could be good for you, too? Keep going.
     

Share This Page