1 year hard mode......this is what I learned

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Warren_Beatty, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. Warren_Beatty

    Warren_Beatty Fapstronaut

    So new years eve 2018 I vowed that I would go a complete calendar year free from PMO. I had previously done a good few 90 days stints and a few 130 days, 150 days etc, but never anything longer, which bothered me. It bothered me because I wanted this to be who I was, not something I dipped into every now and again. I really felt compelled to go from start of the year right through to the end. And this is exactly what happened. During the course of the year though staying free from PMO, I learned a lot, and so The purpose of this post is to relay some of the things I picked up just in case its of use to anyone else........so here goes:

    I was no longer controlled by sex
    I found that over the course of the year, my interest in women evolved from raw lust and desire to something deeper and meaningful. Which sounds very corny I know, but its the truth. Where I live, during the summer, girls will walk around in next to nothing. This used to excite me greatly and I'd be like most other guys, walking about with my tongue hanging out. But the thing I realised was that it was never enough. No matter how many girls I looked at, I was never satisfied. But with me doing the year free from PMO, I found myself no longer being hooked in by how the girls dressed. I actually got to the point where Id see a girl wearing very revealing clothes and I'd feel boredom and just roll my eyes. I stopped looking completely after a while because it no longer held any appeal. Instead when I was interacting with girls I found myself being drawn to their energy, and who they were as opposed to how they looked. Like I would find it way more attractive if I saw a girl give a homeless person some food or money, than a girl who was all dolled up.Iwas no longer controlled by sex. Its only when you do something like this and you restore yourself to "factory settings" do you see how much sex controls your life. And its a cruel master. But when you do this its like you get sobered up and can see things clearly, whereas before you're like a dog in heat most of the time. I've seen guys throw away their dignity for sex. I know guys who would throw their best buddies under a bus for even the chance of sex. I read an article a couple of weeks back where these women would go on "Sex strikes" in order to control their husbands and get something material(like a new car)from them. Thats no way to live. Ive seen the other side and its a different world. You dont have to be controlled by sex, you can be free. We as men have better lives as a result, but it also benefits women because what I also noticed during the year was this.......

    Your view of women will change:
    So sex will no longer control you but with that your view of women will change. Like I said above, you will no longer view them as sex objects or have intentions of just using them for your own gratification. No, Im afraid what happens is you become more of a Man. And I mean a real man. Because when you no longer view women as sex objects and you no longer try to use them for your own gratification, you start to see them as human beings.....very beautiful human beings. Last summer I worked at a kids camp and working with these kids I saw these little girls and their innocence. They were delightful littel creatures and I felt very protective of them. Like I wouldve smashed anyones head in who even attempted to harm them. But it also made me see that they would grow up into women. And it was kinda sad that some of them would be used and abused by men. This is not men bashing, no way, theres enough of that nonsense in the world. But what this experience showed me was that these girls that we see in porn or the ones youre trying to get into bed....these women were once someones little girl. And when I started to see women in this way, I felt protective of them. Not white knighting or any of that nonsense, but for real, the way a Proper man would be. Because I believe part of our jobs on this earth as men is to look after women, They are the weaker sex(despite what Political correctness may try to tell us). And to be role models for our daughters. I dont think you can be a good role model for your daughter so long as you are immersed in pornography. Willingly that is. So long as youre trying to get out then thats good, but if youre a guy whos engaging with porn, hookers etc and not trying to escape, then you are not gonna be a good role model for your little girl. Girls are very easily damaged by bad fathers. Its rampant so I believe its every mans responsibility to get as far away from porn etc as possible so that he can be what his daughter needs him to be. We are stewards of the earth and that means looking after the women, animals and the land. Nothing belongs to us but we are in charge of the care for others, especially women. Not to use or abuse them.
    But so long as porn controls you, you will abuse. thats why you have to get free in order to have a truly healthy relationship with a woman. Because when you do that you'll see that.......

    Women are magnetically drawn to you
    The super powers are real. But with great power comes great responsibility. We've all seen Spidey so we all know about the link between power and responsibility. Its the same with all of this. When you get to the point where you're no longer controlled by sex and you start to see women in a different way, you realise how much power you actually have in relation to the fairer sex. Society and the media will try to tell you that you dont have so much power, that women actually have power over men, but this is not the truth. Women only have power over you so long as you are controlled by sex. Take this away and you'll see how things actually are. But you cant use the power you have as a man whos free from the slavery of sex, to use and abuse women. You dont get to sleep with a load of women or become a player. No the opposite is true, you get to be a good man, who uses his power to help and treat women in a decent and loving way. You might be thinking, nice guys finish last, and women love bad boys.......nobody is talking about being "nice" because nice guys are actually manipulative and dishonest. They act in a certain way in order to get something from others. Thats not real or authentic. And bad boys are just the flip side of that coin. What Im talking about is being someone who is not controlled by sex, which means you have no hidden agenda. Youre not trying to get a woman into bed, youre not trying to get anything from her. Which means youre straight up and genuine. And when youre straight up and genuine your intentions are good and when your intentions are good, women feel this and they are drawn to you almost as if by a magnet. Trust me, I experience this all the time. This is not a humble brag, Im not talking myself up, this is the truth. When you are free from PMO, and sex no longer controls you, something happens internally that women are completely drawn to. You may not be the best looking dude in the room or the richest or whatever else the media tells is supposed to be attractive, but you have something that no other guy whos not on the same path as you, has. But like I said this is not a power you get to abuse. These women are drawn to you because you are like a beacon of light in a dark world, and that is a gift not to be taken lightly. For all your work in freeing yourself from the slavery of PMO what you get at the end of it all is so worth it. You get true freedom and women see this in you. But like I said, you are a steward of the earth and everything on the earth, so you have to use this power to do only good.

    Sex can destroy you
    I know that sounds very melodramatic but bear with me here.......I noticed that the people who I know who are the most sexually active are also the people who are in the greatest distress in life. Which goes against what the message the media portrays. I mean the more sex and sexual partners you have the better, right? Not so. I know people who sleep around a lot and physically theres always something wrong with them, but not just physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually aswell. These people are broken and the more sex they chase the more broken they become. Its a choice. You can do anything you want in life, this is free will, but most things in life will not actually benefit you, they will destroy you. And sex is something that I have seen literally destroy people. Im not saying sex is evil or a bad thing. No, thats not what I mean. But I also think sex is something that we have to be extremely careful with. Its a powerful, mysterious force that we dont fully comprehend and with anything powerful it has the ability to turn on us if used incorrectly. It sounds great in theory to be a player who sleeps with a load of women, who has women at his beck and call, but the reality is something different entirely.

    Guard your mind
    I noticed that if I monitored my actions but let my mind run amuck with sexual thoughts that this resulted in me struggling greatly against PMO. But when I was careful about what I thought and didnt engage with sexual fantasies, then this made the whole operation much easier. You have to be very careful about sexual thoughts aswell as sexual actions. Engaging in sexual fantasies while trying to free yourself from PMO is like being a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. You wont win. I know people are very attached to their sexual fantasies and the media will even tell you that sexual fantasies are "Healthy" but the reality is that when you willingly allow yourself to focus on sexual fantasies and images in your mind you are creating your own downfall. Let the fantasies go. Trust me when I tell you, you dont need them and your life is better without them. You're not losing anything, only gaining. You will make this NoFap journey so much easier on yourself if you guard your mind and be very careful and selective about how you use it. In the Bible theres a proverb that says: "As a man thinketh in his mind so shall he be". From my own experience with PMO let me tell you that this is the truth. What you focus on mentally will grow. So focus on something else other than sex. Focus on your dreams for life instead, you will be happier and healthier.

    You absolutely can overcome this once and for all
    Sometime I read posts by people on here and they say things like, "You can never overcome PMO addiction, it will always be with you". This is a lie. You absolutely can be free. Remember, as a man thinketh so shall he be. And thats what I want to leave you with. If you made it this far(and I know this is long)remember that you can overcome this. No matter how many times you get knocked on your ass, keep getting up and going again. You can never fail so long as you dont give up. People who fail are the ones who give in to their sexual desires and who allow themselves to be controlled by sex. But if you keep getting up and fighting and learning and evolving, you will win. And its worth the effort because the gifts you get for your efforts are incredible. I can personally attest to that. Keep going and never allow discouragement to enter your mind or heart. Remember you are a steward of the earth and as such you have a purpose and that is to care for everything and everyone but to do this fully and properly you have to face your demons.
    Good luck.
  2. D R

    D R Fapstronaut

    Well written! Thank you for your advice!
  3. Asjf

    Asjf Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Beautifully and wisely and compassionately written. Thanks for these inspiring words.
  4. tree28

    tree28 Fapstronaut

    This is really incredibly written, thank you! I started fapping at 11 and now I'm 14 so i have no choice but hard mode. Currently on day 3. Thanks again for this!
  5. JestfulPotion57115

    JestfulPotion57115 Fapstronaut

    This really is a painting of a bright future that we can all attain. I want this for myself and I'm getting it. Thank you.
  6. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    day 3 on Nofap 2020 posts like these motivate me even more
  7. JestfulPotion57115

    JestfulPotion57115 Fapstronaut

    Man, I wanna see a 1 year post from you in 2021, so excited for everyone
  8. AManWithAStrongHeart

    AManWithAStrongHeart Fapstronaut

    I have to sign up to like for you. Real.
  9. quit@porn

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

    First it looked like preaching, but really it's a teaching. Thanks for advice... Keep posting
  10. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

    This is very well written and motivational.Thank you for this post and congratulations on your success
  11. Probably the best forum post I have ever read! Hope people like you will be more and more!
  12. Thank you for this post. It was fantastic to read. More writings like this please! :)
  13. Crisarssen

    Crisarssen New Fapstronaut

    You've brought to my mind things I had forgot. Thank you, I feel energized to keep going.
  14. I love how you write about women. After my first 90-day-streak I also felt that I now view women in a different way.

    Before, I wanted to sleep with every woman as long as she was not ugly.
    Now, I actually care about character, which can be frustrating at times because I found out that women can be just the same as men, meaning they can be just as stupid, dumb, shallow, mean or just plain uninteresting.

    For me, at first this was a bit of a downside of NoFap since I have less sex with different women than before, but also thinking back the hook-ups did not statisfy at all. In fact, I always craved more.

    I love women in a different way now, for the human beings they are.

    Thank you for your post!
  15. Steven5100

    Steven5100 Fapstronaut

    44 days here. This is really inspiring. Thank you for this.
  16. Tom212121

    Tom212121 New Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing. I'm on day 1 (again). After years of struggling with all sorts of bad habits including porn I found the secret to change and growth is not willpower, but a positive community. I'm tired of trying to fight this on my own.
    control your life and Espi1971 like this.
  17. So after one year you’re no longer sexually attracted to women?
  18. Brother Eagle

    Brother Eagle Fapstronaut

    Youre a perfect example to follow ,thank you for sharing
    control your life and Espi1971 like this.
  19. Just curious sorry that was short I see it was kinda offensive was half asleep. I guess I should have said after a year are you still interested in sex? I just hit 30 days going for 90 and I started because of issues during sex. I want to have better sex and I want to tailor my reboot to facilitate that. So was just wondering about your interest level after the year because I’m looking for info on what lies ahead. Again sorry for the blunt reply before.
    control your life likes this.
  20. hyper88

    hyper88 Fapstronaut

    Because when you no longer view women as sex objects and you no longer try to use them for your own gratification, you start to see them as human beings.....very beautiful human beings.

    I like what you said above. And, people who said 'No one can recover from PMO for lifetime' are the one's who failed!. I would say that they don't have any long term goals. About their carrier, family or nothing. Remember, NoFap=Faith=God (which is the entire light of life). So, Fap=No Faith = Bad life. Btw, Once you relapse, you're starting it from very beginning. Don't you see it's hard? So, don't give up!

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