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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Aug 24, 2018.
Day two m-free. I'm on my way again, always hopeful.
Relapsed - I will join the challenge after a week
Relapsed! Day 0/292
Well, I went back, I'm ashamed to admit— and I was not honest in the first place. I really didn't get 308 days free of pornography, I had watched it many times in those days, I just had not clicked on the videos. I was watching gifs and thumbnails and jerking off to them. Disgusting, and the lie added to it.
Anyway, truthfully I'm now at day three out of 475.
Be true to yourself no matter what. That's the only way we'll get past this shit
Yes, I will from now on. You are right, it is the way.
I am proud to be at day four.
Hey, later on today I'll be 1% of the way to my goal (4.75 days out of 475).
I have come back to this challenge after a while away. I see it has been dead for the last 10 months. It was what I would call an impossible challenge. But I would like to give it another try. I have been addicted for 25 years now which comes to about 9125 days without including any leap years. Therefore, 10% of 9125 is 912.5 days. Rounding it off that comes to 913 as my target.
I can assure you it's possible to complete this challenge because I have done it myself.
I created this challenge a long time ago and it resulted in 913 days for me as well. For the first 100+ days, I did it in no PM-mode and then I switched to no P-mode. Over the course of this challenge I took many other challenges at the same time to continue challenge myself with no PM, no wet dreams, no fantasies and so on and it was one hell of a ride and really one of the best things I have done in my entire life.
I learned a lot from abstaining porn for such a long time (960 days in total) but then a very bad thing during the last six months as well: I started to forget how bad porn was. At the same time I developed an insane strength in self discipline, I also developed a novel curiosity of how it would be like to watch porn again. Thing was, I had been away from porn for such a long time that no picture or memory popped up in my head when I thought about porn... it was completely blank. This was truly an amazing feeling but sadly one that does not motivate a former porn addict to continue fighting. My armour got weaker and weaker and when I completed this challenge, I suddenly had nothing left to fight for because my self-discipline was solely built up around completing challenges.
After dozens of challenges where I learned to make success a habit, my self discipline had developed into something unbreakable, something that didn't allow a single mistake. I really wanted more challenges but felt I had grown past this forum, I didn't want to hang around in a forum anymore where the focus would be to get away from old mess, I wanted a forum where people would want to build the very best versions of themselves. Sadly I didn't find such a forum and so I didn't get challenged in the way I needed.
With a self-discipline built around challenges and no more challenges around me anymore, I stopped challenging myself and so my self-discipline got weaker until I reached a point where I slipped because I saw a harmless manga picture on youtube.
With curiosity to watch porn again and with no bad memories left, with no motivation to redo all the challenges I had already completed several times over and over again, with a weakened self-discipline... I had really set the stage for falling back into old habits again. And here I am.
My first streak started on May 25, 2018 and ended in January 2021. Now it's been almost two years with a struggle to get away from porn again. But this time it's much harder and I have failed many times. My longest streak since January 2021 has been around 50 days. The biggest problem I am facing is a lack of motivation to abstain porn for extended periods.
Sorry to write such a long post but to be honest, I have felt urges today and my unconscious mind picked up my computer to probably do fishy business, then I saw your post in this challenge and it literally saved me from doing the bad thing. Thank you.
First of all, let me say it is good to hear from you again. I actually thought that you had were no longer on nofap since you deleted your original account. I remember one of your last posts where you mentioned that you had achieved your goal. Honestly, I think you are the only one who conquered this challenge without many relapses if I remember correctly. It is very encouraging to see you here you. Also I am very encouraged by you sharing your experience. I am going to give it my best shot for sure. If you can do it I can do it too.
I'm happy to hear I could spread some encouragement
That's correct, I conquered this challenge as my first streak on NoFap. I also (regrettably) deleted my account when I relapsed because I couldn't stand up and face the loss I had produced.
I would really like to join you in this challenge but first I have to prove to myself I can complete 10% of this challenge before I can join. So when I reach 90 days I will join you for sure. Speaking from experience, I can't give you a time estimate of when that will be, no matter how much I would like to. Nevertheless, today I have reached 10% of those 90 days...
I also deleted my original account when I kept on failing. I originally joined this challenge under a different user account and then later under my current account. I also felt a lot of shame and could not bear it anymore. But the good thing is that we are here once again fighting to overcome this insidious addiction.
I can't wait for you to join after you get to 90 days. You are doing well and I am sure you will accomplish your current goal. I will also do my very best to maintain momentum and reach the 10% in this challenge a day at a time
That's interesting, you deleted your account for the same reason! Well, then you know exactly the feeling. But you are right, the good thing is that we are still here. You only lose when you stop trying.