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10 months of nofap reboot/ but not responsive to visual cues ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by WorldTraveler32, May 12, 2022.

  1. WorldTraveler32

    WorldTraveler32 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, guys . I haven’t posted here since December 2021. I just turned 36 this month and July of 2021 I quit masturbation completely . I also stopped porn use in late 2020. I had been fapping to porn probably since age 13-14 until around 34-35. I have never done 10 full months of not touching myself . I used to fap at least twice a day or more daily for 20 years . My lady friend lives abroad and I noticed back in December 2021 when I saw her and had been 4.5 months into nofap that I still required touch/oral stimulation from my lady to start getting hard before sex . She is a well endowed beautiful lady and I can watch her naked or take off her clothes and won’t see any movement down there at all . She has to start with stimulation/a BJ to get the ball rolling as they say . That was in December 2021 and we still had sex once or twice a day for over two weeks after I had not ejaculated in 4.5 months . Now, it’s May 2022 and I still remain on nofap/reboot and at this point it’s been 10 months total since July 2021. I haven’t orgasmed/ejaculated since I was with my lady back in December but I don’t notice much more benefit . I do not look at any arousing material and even when my girl has shown me some flashes of herself on video chat (long distance) I try to look away /actively avoid watching any nudity . But I notice even though I do glance because it’s impossible not to if she is quickly showing me the goods on video , I don’t get an erection at all just from looking . How normal is this ? At 10 months in, I would think I’d get an erection at the drop of a hat just from a quick peak of her goods on video . Am I not responsive to visual cues ? I understand as a man you are supposed to get an erection right away in preparation forsex with barely any stimulation and just from visual cues but ar least so far I don’t notice that in myself . I am simply more sensitive at this time and can easilycum/orgasm during sex . But automatic erection to seeing my girl for 10 seconds in a video chat or in person ? No, that doesn’thappen . I’d like to be automatic so I can just give it to her on command . Keep in mind I am free of any health condition . I get morning wood that is extremely hard most mornings . So what is wrong with visual cues ? Is it normal that men need to be touchedto have an erection or are some men wired differently ? I’d think after 10 months I would be fully rebooted/rewired . I have 0 urge to masturbate or look at porn and Ionly want sex with my girl but I would like to get an erection easily from just a simple kiss or seeing her naked and that doesn’t seem to happen to me . How much more progress can I make after 10 months of nofap ?Thank you guys .
     
    rostronaut and Oliver Gunter like this.
  2. janewhite

    janewhite Fapstronaut

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    I am only replying because nobody else did. It is probably not that helpful because I am a woman. But, man, you are 36! i think 36s year old can have an amazing erection , certainly good enough for both parties to have fun but it may be too much to be asking for an erection of 20 year old at 36. My husband is 40 by the way. I think the only time he gets erection without any touch is 1. In the morning; 2. When we fight… i think it turns him on. The rest is … cuddling where there is a bit of touch, kissing( lips not enough it has to be his neck). Apparently, seeing me walking out of bathroom after a shower is a turn on and he would feel it but not as to result in a full blown erection. That being said he is also an addict so I dont know how “ normal” is his situation but he has been off for about 2 months now, and our issue was delayed ejaculation.
     
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  3. True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    @WorldTraveler32 Here's how it works for me. My body responds (without touch) when there is a possibility of sex with my wife. So if we are alone in the house and she leads me to the bedroom I will be "ready to go" without anything (touching/kissing) having happened yet.

    This is maybe what is happening with you. I think your would be more likely to respond to visuals if were in the same room as your lady friend and you knew that sex was a strong possibility.
     
    black_coyote likes this.
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    As an addict my response is similar.
     
  5. WorldTraveler32

    WorldTraveler32 Fapstronaut

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    I have been in her presence before sex and no movement at all . But once she starts playing with it and stimulating , I start to get an erection . But I’m not automatic from just sexual thoughts that are fleeting . 10 months of no masturbation and I actively avoid almost all sexual thoughts . But I am not particularly horny . Testosterone levels are normal . My erections come mostly in the morning/middle of the night and are very firm and sometimes if my member is rubbing against my clothes . But sexual thoughts alone or visuals don’t do much at least not yet . Honestly, if that is the case, then what is the point of nofap ? 10 months and I would think I’d have constant erections but I don’t . I do notice though that i have a lot more sexual dreams throughout these 10 months . That’s about it . I have been told different things that there are plenty of men who need direct stimulation to start and not everyone is automatic but I’m not sure . If I stopped daily masturbating 10 months ago after 20 years and stopped masturbating to porn over a year ane a half ago I should be easily aroused but it seems I’m not unless I start getting touched /orally stimulated . The whole purpose of this journey was to get to the point where I become automatic . Is it possible that the fact I am thinking of erections before sex interfere ? I have to stop thinking about it ?
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
  6. Aluta

    Aluta Fapstronaut

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    Addiction that starts in tenaage brains is even more deadly, 20 years brother of rubbing yourself atleast once a day is not an understatement. I am sure you have done your best and in my view there are so many improvements that have come along, you can get active at least and can mantain an erection as well, forget about the visual cues, those will come later. Dont forget 20 years did a lot of desensitization to your original brain. First rebooting which you have done well and now sensitizing your brain about how to interprete visual cues..that is going to take some time. My advice is that dont give up, You will eventually get what you want. Withdrawal that energy being consumed by those thoughts and focus on how to continue being on the straight path. Every one is unique in their way, your journey probably will be a litttle bit longer but you will still reach your destination.
     
    WorldTraveler32 likes this.
  7. WorldTraveler32

    WorldTraveler32 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your response . But at 10 months, how much more time can I possibly face to respond to visual cues if 10 months is almost 1 year . Perhaps 1 more year for a total of 2 years ? It’s getting ridiculous . When my girl shows some skin on video , I try to look away and not focus on looking at her through video/pixels so as to avoid any erotic escalation /material . I decided when I quit masturbating 10 months ago that I would never again have an orgasm/ejaculation unless I am with my girl and that’s exactly what I’ve done . Unless I am with my girl I do not ejaculate/pleasure myself - that is her job lol . But I wish I could start responding to visual cues instead of being touched and stroked /oral before I achieve an erection .
     
  8. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    you're not 16 anymore. you and I (roughly same age) are not gonna get hard with a cool breeze anymore.
     
  9. WorldTraveler32

    WorldTraveler32 Fapstronaut

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    We’re not 16 anymore but from what I have heard at our age and even older we should still be responsive and get an erection very efficiently and quickly with minimal stimulation . I am seeing guys as young as 22 on this site report that they also need touch before getting an erection so I am confused about what’s actually normal .
     
  10. Cyberpunk3000

    Cyberpunk3000 Fapstronaut

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    As far as my knowledge in this matter and from what I've gathered.

    1. Erection on visual cues should be a normal thing even in later stages of life provided you're fit n healthy and free of ailments and other substance addiction.
    It shows that we are functioning normally.

    2. The difference between our teenage self vs 30s is that, we won't be getting those awkward raging boners just by thought or looking at a stranger.

    3. But when the time comes. Even in 30s it should be Normal to rise to occasion on visual cues alone. And have solid erections which should sustain for a good time without touch.(some would be able to rise but unable to sustain for long due to PE caused by the addiction, thats another ailment to conquer)

    4. If one is still unable to do it despite abstinence. Its nothing to worry, you jus need MORE time/years to retrain that part of the brain. Its years of training to artificial screens and touching yourself to get aroused and it can't be undone easily. But with abstinence and the more you engage with partners. The brain should adapt to its primal wiring.

    Jus my theory. I could be totally wrong. But it makes sense to me.
     
    Selfdiscovery likes this.
  11. janewhite

    janewhite Fapstronaut

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    Everyone has different goals… but being automatic is not the only benefit. From my perspective with my husband… the biggest improvement is quality of connection during sex… he is not just trying to get off or get me off so he could finish with porn but we are actually experiencing an intimate moment. The other one is being harder. My husband has definitely become more firm , not that i even think it was a problem before, and it is a big turn on for me and much more pleasurable. I am sure it is frustrating that you didn’t reach your goal yet but I just think you should think all of the other benefits and may be if you relax a bit it will eventually come on its own.
     
  12. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Does she know about your addiction? Your recovery efforts? Why is she sending you nudes? It is counterproductive to your recovery. And yes it is porn no matter what you think...even if it is your gf.
    Just out of curiosity how is it you want it to just be automatic when she is nowhere nearby to service the erection? I mean isn't it crucial for her to be present for an erection for you both to capitalize on it? The point is you can't just "give it to her" as you say if she isn't there to "give it to her" right?
    Good
    Irrelevant
    Where did you get that idea? Here? Try several years.
    LOL quite a bit actually.
    At your age I certainly hope so. Still haven't figure out why so many people who are jerking off day after day think testosterone is the problem but OK.
    LOL I continue to ask this question every time I come here.
    Then maybe you should question and reevaluate your motivation and purpose for coming here. If that is your motivation I would seriously consider thinking more about the big picture than getting an automatic erection.
     
    Aluta likes this.
  13. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    If you want to learn "normal" go see a urologist. This site is not normal and not filled with doctors.
     
  14. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    It's probably worth getting bloods done to see if hormones are all good, age could well be a factor. But in general, it's probably likely that you've become desensitised to visual stimuli due to years of whacking it to porn. It's perfectly conceivable that years of PMO forms pathways in the brain that will themselves take years to rewire. I'm not a neurologist but that seems a fairly safe guess to me.
     
  15. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Hormones? Age? He said he is 36 years old. How about he really quit instead of just pretending to quit and then see what happens?

    Do whatever you want OP. The fact of the matter is that you haven't exactly been following a true regimen of recovery and now you're getting advice to check hormones etc. Go ahead but understand that when they come back completely normal don't be surprised. Understand that until you do what you need to do in recovery it's all a great big waste of everybody's time and money. Lot's of people's.
     
  16. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    The male sex hormone drops off substantially from the early 30s onwards. Unfortunately, more and more men are suffering from hormonal problems from a relatively young age. If he were to go to a doctor, they'd be more likely to recommend a test for hormonal function than to recommend abstaining from masturbation. It won't hurt him at all to rule this out as a cause.
     
  17. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I agree it won’t hurt him, but it’s probably a huge waste of money. If after abstaining he still has problems, then go talk to a doctor. Of course a doctor will recommend testing, they literally have no clue that Ed/de can be caused by pmo. No clue. My husband is so much better in bed now, way harder than in his 30’s, way more sexual than in his 30’s. No more pied, no more de. Took about 4 months of abstaining before it started to work itself out. He’s 54, and gets a hard on immediately now. He too lied to himself, believed the Ed was age related, what a crock.
     
  18. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for eloquently stating what my response would have been. That is exactly what I was going to say in so many words. Exactly! Quit PMO, and then if you still have a problem, then go to the doctor. I work in the medical field. Hypogonadism is the underproduction of testosterone. Yes it is correct that men will have reductions in testosterone as they age. However it is also correct that such reductions are such that hypogonadism as a problem is extraordinarily rare. Testosterone reductions are still well within normal ranges for men unless they happen to have an injury or testicular cancer. The case and argument for this is just stupid.
     
  19. Real Jerry Seinfeld

    Real Jerry Seinfeld Fapstronaut

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    I would agree with you but for the fact that he has done 10 months of NoFap and is still experiencing ED. You would expect to see performance improve rather than worsen, as it has done in his case. It won't hurt him at all to rule out physical causes whilst maintaining a NoFap streak.
     
  20. WorldTraveler32

    WorldTraveler32 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, guys . Haven’t had time to respond but I’m back . My hormones are normal as I’ve had them tested . I also get ridiculously stiff morning wood most mornings so that also rules out physical/organic causes . Someone above mentioned I haven’t done things correctly - really , how so ? I do not look at stimulating erotic material at all . I quit porn over a year ago and stopped masturbating 11 months ago , nearly a year ago , after a 2 decade masturbation/porn habit . Early during my nofap streak I remember after several weeks I had sexual desires /urges . Now ? Zero . I barely have any sexual thoughts at all along this streak and feel almost asexual . I don’t entertain any sexual fantasy . I could see a pretty woman and I just don’t really care . When I used to masturbate, I had more of a libido and drive . Now after almost a year without it I have zero libido . Is this what they call the “flatline”? The funny thing is over the course of almost one year I’ve had a number of sexual dreams that are explicit and just a few days ago I had one of these dreams . Sexual dreams occasionally but no libido during nofap ? I think I’ve done a great reboot . I don’t peak at photos of even my girlfriend . So I have done everything well . I think I am finding myself in some type of flatline for months on end and it’s scary because I truly feel I could go on without sex/libido my entire life . My girl isn’t here and I haven’t seen her in months but hopefully my libido will return once I am with her .
     
    Real Jerry Seinfeld likes this.

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