100 Cold Approaches

Usually girls like more when you are a bit ambivalent about you liking them almost a state of you liking her and also you don't kind of vibe. A bit more detached, not too much, a little gray area. They don't say it, they can even say the opposite but it's what they like. They are weird.

They don't like things to be very predictable in love. By saying verbally you are attracted to her this can lose the mistery, they also like to see you a bit as a challenge. They don't like predictability or things to be very clear, peaceful in love, women love positive and negative emotions at the same time. You hear a girl talking and all are proud of their defects.

Yesterday, reading something about neurobiology of addiction you have in the addictive cycle

A. Binge/intoxication
B. Withdrawal /negative effect
C. Preoccupation /anticipation

Usually girls do this they give you pleasure then they withdraw at some point, that's a way they make you addicted to them. Even do they might not even know they are doing it.

The point is you are giving her positive emotions, sensations and at the same time creating a bit of tension.

Love is a form of addiction. It might look strange, but girls need you to be a bit detached and ambiguous so you create attraction which is build up in tension.

Even if you don't like this, they unconsciously will do it at some point so you need to mimic her behavior until she wants to be relaxed again.

But more than anything I'll say don't use fix rules to interact with women, each one is different and they can tell if you are simply following a script.

I think noone has ever fully understood women. For me I'm always learning how to interact with them its an endless learning that could probably end up teaching you all the effort is not worth it for what you get from women. But that is also a valuable teaching.

Women is the biggest illusion in this world so it's important to understand it.

But it's great you are starting to cope with your on emotions in the interactions just don't be fix in the way you interact with women.

 

From my experience what you say is true for some women. But personally I have never been able to reach that stage. And I find this vision a bit unhealthy.

I prefer the vision, I take care of myself as much as I take care of others. It speaks to me more. It's more pragmatic. Taking care of oneself means doing sports, eating healthy, spending time with oneself.
Taking care of others means being kind, empathetic, sharing happiness.
Jt’s pragmatic. It requires some effort but everyone is able to cultivate that.

Being mysterious and not revealing everything is ego 99% of the time. And it prevents you from being you because you forbid yourself to say certain things that you think, just to create attraction. Sometimes it just hides a wound.

Having relationships with women is not just about attraction. A woman may like you just because you're nice, and you're you. That's enough.
If a date doesn’t work sometimes it’s because
1 - You want something from her and you communicate this need too much. You have too much expectations
2 - you don’t communicate your desires with tact (or not at all) so the date ends and nothing happens

the truth is these issues can be fixed just bg taking care of yourself. By taking care of yourself you’re removing your insecurities, little By little.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I respect all views. There really are no universal answers. Everyone has to find what fits them. But Personnally, thinking this way changed my life. Not just with women, I made so many friends this year since I changed how I see things

 

Yeah I'll say most women are really complicated they have amazing qualities but also some moments of insanity that are difficult to comprehend. Even do one should always aim for the girl that improves your life.

But nonetheless women are women, they are the negative side of the world they complement us, we men are more happy positive, focus on growing. That's why women need men more than us need them. They crave our positive energy.

One thing you learn about dealing with women is seeing their true colors and start to lose the innocent idea they are angels.

And they can get quite dark, even the sweetest girl will show her dark side at some point. And one needs to be aware of it and act accordingly.

 

Just see jhonny dept, will Smith, Elon musk, Jeff bezos.

They are certainly themselves around girls and have reach enormous potential of what they can accomplish but they have chosen bad girls to be around or have not been able to see clearly the women they have in front of them.

Learning game is not just about self improvement is about understanding women and been able to see her dark side and not be contaminated by it.

 

Excellent! Very wise lesson

This made me smile

 

Very true in 2 aspects, at least from my experience:

- Approaching women allows you to question most of the things you thought were true or untrue until now. Whether it's about you, about others and about the world.
For example your mind telling you I suck, this is going to go wrong. And in fact everything goes well when you take action. Getting out of your comfort zone allows you to get closer to reality.

- Approaching women also allows you to confront failure, rejection, missed dates. And when you do, you'll look for ways to move on and keep going despite the negative.
In fact, to be kinder to yourself in these circumstances. And the kinder you are to yourself despite the negative, the more fun it is to live, to challenge yourself. And the more fulfilling your relationships with others are.

all relationships with others, including women, are proportional to the relationship with ourselves. this means that if our relationships are unhealthy, there is probably an internal problem. It is always our responsibility. Which can be scary for a lot of guys. Because it means taking responsibility for your life.

 

this LOL i’ve been questioning why i’m doing all this effort, for what LMAO

 

thanks for sharing @Spirituss and @StoicContemplation
btw what is a hook?

 

Chics like confidence! Just be yourself Chics also like 2 laugh. If you can make a joke or come up with something humorous you are in. Point is to just go with the flow. No need to try so hard. If there's some chemistry continue to investigate. If not, just keep it moving. Plenty of other women out there. One will click up to your vibe. Chics dig the masculine. So don't waste any testosterone wacking off if you're wanting to date.

 

I learned many important lessons which would take me too much time to figure it out by myself so that’s why I very much enjoy reading neatly written experiences (e.g., how to start a conversation, how to lead it, how to understand if someone is interested or not, how to hint making then ask personal questions…); so thank you Kowbe and SC!

There is another reason for me posting this reply other than expressing my entertainment and gratitude: a few questions!

Q1: I tried this “cold-approach” before but people tell me that sometimes I am too kind and think too much about the other person, so I try to include “Are you busy?” or “Do you mind if I sit down?” at the start. I get a mixed range of answers but I feel like this is putting me down in some ways. I know you haven’t mentioned much about these type of questions (unless I missed them!) but what do you think about these Qs?

Q2: Do you believe that novelty demotivates you from perusing a LTR? I feel like a LTR gives me more fulfilment, but there is always a more attractive and different person which can give me a little bit of adrenaline rush and dopamine which are addicting. On a side not, humans are not sims characters where we get to choose every single physical feature so I don’t see myself finding “the perfect one” even if I break up with my current partner over something extremely small that is out of anyones control which adds to the fire.

 

Good luck mate!

 

Hi man from my experience if you ask a girl if she is busy she will say yes even if she is not. Because she doesn't owe you anything, least of all her time. It's like saying I guess you have a boyfriend. That's the last thing you should say. Making « negative » statements about someone you don't know is like apologizing when you go to talk to a girl. Starting a conversation with "excuse me", you can be sure that the rest of your sentence will sound like begging. Asking the girl for something.
That's not what we want. Meeting a woman on the street is not asking for something. It's meeting that person.

You can say something like "hi, I saw you walking and I wanted to come and say hi," with a smile. But always in that frame of mind of meeting women, not taking something.

about being too kind, I healed from this by working out, eating healthy and learning to live by my own, without anybody. It was long and sometimes painful but definitely worth it

 

Hey man, congratulations for your night with this girl

It's a vast subject but very interesting.
I have the same observations as you during my practice. In fact, the problem with direct compliments is that it can put pressure on the girl. For me this is the first point that prevents the moment with this girl from happening naturally.

In my opinion, to give a direct compliment or show your interest. You have to be in a state where you don't expect anything from her, and also communicate a lightness non verbally. That is, no tension, a smile and an openness to others. All this to take away a maximum of pressure. Because saying your interest to a girl in the street can be very heavy and communicate a lot of expectations towards the girl. This can explain why you eject yourself. Because most of the time, a compliment = expectations.
You are the best at knowing how you feel at that moment. Personally, when I express my interest and feel tension, it's an unpleasant feeling for both her and me. And that's not what we want when we meet a girl in the street. You want things to be light.
To be in this state, it requires a lot of well being and personally I am not always in this state.

I'm not going to list all the positive points of saying your interest to a girl. Of course it doesn't always work, especially if you communicate a tension. But for some girls it's just super attractive a guy who assumes he likes them.

In my first paragraph I tried to describe the "I don't need you" side. In fact when you say a compliment, you put yourself on the level of the guys at the top of the social scale. Something that 99% of guys would never dare to say because it involves the possibility of being rejected. It's way too much of a risk for any guy.You are communicating the fact that you want this girl.
But in the eyes of women, communicating that is worthless if there is not enough detachment behind it. Because the expectations you feel behind that compliment, she will feel. Which is egoistic because what is that compliment worth in this case?
And that's the real work. I want you but I don't need you. My well-being will always be more important than your approval. That's why I'm so cool, and why I tell you I like you. But I'm not making a big deal out of it. It's okay if nothing happens.
Even if you reach a level of I don't need you but I want you bad enough, there will always be girls for whom it's just too much pressure. it has nothing to do with you.

I don't express my interest to every woman I meet directly either. You don't have to say why you're going to talk to a girl when you go to talk to her. You can just say hi with a smile and see what happens. And not justify yourself. You'll find that it's quite confusing for your brain, but it's fun because it doesn't communicate any expectations.
It depends on your internal state most of the time. If you feel that when you say that compliment you'll communicate something else (like I want you to react well or your approval....) because you're not in a great mental state at the time, don't do it and take the pressure off by just saying hi. That's what I do and it works well with me.

I think it's good not to do the same thing all the time. But the real work is internal, you have to see it with all the practice you do (congrats again man)

 

I don't have the creativity of guys you see on youtube. I often say what are you doing now? Even what do you do in life ? Conversation with a stranger is not my strong point. I'm actually comfortable with a woman after I've slept with her ahah.
And often I have nothing to say. On the other hand, in these moments, I don't eject myself, and often I laugh about the situation. For example yesterday, I approached a girl and said hi. Quickly I had nothing to say. And after a few seconds of blankness I laughed and said "I come to talk to you in the street but I have nothing to say, where is the world going".
which took away the famous pressure I mentioned above. I was able to be more natural and so was she afterwards.

To answer your last question, I do both. I show my interest directly at the risk of being rejected, as I do things indirectly sometimes.
On the other hand, in both cases, I smile a lot, I have this state of mind of being open to others. So even if I'm indirect, the girl often understands directly that I'm not just coming to ask her a question. To do things indirectly for me means saying hello or something like "you walk fast" or whatever, something to break the ice.
And she's not stupid. A guy with a smile like that, who comes to say hello. It's not to ask what time it is.
Then I know I suck at conversation. But I know I make up for it with my smile. With the fact that I have no tension, no stress, and that in my head I want to meet her, even though I don't have much to say for this first meeting. So I think I communicate all that, at least I try to cultivate that. I'm actually okay with not having anything to say. I don't mind so I don't communicate embarrassment to the girl most of the time. I have nothing to say, I look at her with a smile and end up dropping a joke like "I really have nothing to say that's crazy.". I have accepted this trait in myself, I have stopped fighting what I cannot change.

Of course it depends on girls, there are also some girls with whom I am at ease and everything is fluid. But sometimes everything doesn't go as I would hope. And in this case I let the moment be as it is instead of rejecting it. It's not necessarily my fault and I don't have to be different from who I am.
I just smile, I put my ego aside, and no tension, these are my rules.

I think I don't put much importance on the conversation itself. But smiling, bringing good vibes to girls, that's important to me. And it's easier, no need for creativity or words. Just smiling and an openness to others is enough. And if you don't say much it's okay, it can be cute in the girls eyes. Shyness, even begayment can be cute. And this girl knows you don't know her. She knows you're coming to talk to her and you're not going to talk to her like you've known her forever, it's totally normal.

It's not easy to answer your question, because we are all different. But if you ask yourself these questions, you are evolving. You're looking for answers. Which is really cool.
If you're like me, not very creative and with a logical mind. I would advise you not to try to be creative, or develop your skills at conversations. Because that's not who you are and in 4 years of practice I've never been able to change that trait in myself. But you can accept this trait, which will turn this lack of conversation into a strength. And paradoxically you will see that you will have more things to say if you are less afraid of those moments when you have nothing to say. Not knowing what to say is not a problem because I don't see it as a problem. And if the girl leaves it's because it was meant to be this way.

The real regret is when you didn't verbally or non-verbally let her know why you were there. It's not when you had nothing to say, the conversation ended and she left. in the last case, it simply had to happen. You're not made for everyone and not everyone is made for you