100 Cold Approaches

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by StoicContemplation, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    Nice idea, yea in the back of my head I had this little fear that if I annoy the girl, then I will “get in trouble” or something. Like I’ll get the cops called on me or something, it’s irrational but kind of there.

    So yea, from now on I shouldn’t hesitate to push the conversations a little further. I’m not breaking any laws by having a genuine conversation
     
  2. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    3 approaches. 1 number

    I quit caffeine and sugar completely since 2 days so I'm having pretty severe withdrawal symptoms. Fatigue, headaches, irritablilty, depression...

    Anyway, I was in the city. I was totally not in the mood to talk with anyone, given my current mental foginess.

    I'm only going to write about the one that lead to a number close. I sat next to a Middle-Eastern girl on the bench on a train platform. I was already discarding the idea of talking to her. What the hell is there to talk about? So I decided to just read in my e-book. But then I read the following passage in my book:

    "When you are depressed you may fail to initiate any meaningful activity not only because you conceive of any task as terribly difficult, but also because you feel the reward simply wouldn’t be worth the effort."

    So I broke the ice with a simple "is that a good phone" opener. We start chatting. She puts her headphones away. We continue the conversation on the train. I number close before I'm getting off.

    The obstacles you face are always internal...

    60/100
     
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  3. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    10/100

    Approached another girl at the campus today. I was in the parking lot walking to the building. Saw a cute girl putting stuff in the back seat of her car.

    I said to her "Hey, how is your first week of school going?"

    We talked for about 3-4 minutes. We are also taking one of the same classes (not at the same time). So conversation was easy. I said "would you want to talk more about ___ class?"

    She said "yea, do you want my snapchat or phone number? Either one is fine." I told her I don't currently have any social media stuff (maybe it was a mistake to say this?) Ah, maybe I should have made some social media accounts as advised by Spirituss. I see the value in it more clearly now.

    Anyways, I have her phone number. But I really have a hard time with this next step after getting the phone number... when to text, what to say, things like this

    *first phone number in challenge so far*
     
  4. Spirituss

    Spirituss Fapstronaut

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    Very good approach man, natural.

    And yes I still think social media are an incredible way to keep in touch with people, to showcase yourself and to express your personality. I wouldn't bet on snapchat but rather on instagram.

    it's totally normal that you don't know what to say after taking her number. You still have performance anxiety and that stuff takes years to go away.

    But a little tip that will help you is to make things as simple as possible. No long messages, no insecurities. You just say something like
    "hey it's 'your name', it was nice meeting you, up for a drink next week?".
    that's it. Simple, effective and to the point
     
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  5. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    Alright, cool. Yea, I will say something simple like that, just getting to the point of seeing her again in person

    Maybe it’s a good time to get an Instagram profile going, too. Thanks for the response, and Ill continue with the approach challenge and see if this girl responds
     
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  6. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    I do have one other question. So I texted her last night about hanging out next week. She answered and said "yes, she wants to".

    My question is, how often do you text a girl during this "in between" time, like from now until next week. I know I need to text her again eventually to figure out exactly which day and which time we will meet up. But do you normally just plan out the hang out day, and then don't text her until the day of hanging out?

    This situation is what confuses me the most actually... when to text, how often to text, things like this
     
  7. Spirituss

    Spirituss Fapstronaut

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    There is no "how often", "how" etc. You do what you want. If you want to answer right away you answer right away and if you want to wait hours you do that too. You decide what is right for you.

    However, there are some things you should not do. You should not talk to a woman to say.. nothing. Or to get to know her. It's a waste of her time and communicates the fact that you place too much importance on not "losing her". This means that she will subconsciously think that you can't live without her. and at this point you don't know her so it's worse.

    Messages are just to see the girl again. No, you don't have to talk to her between the time you propose the date and the date. You have your own life and your life comes before what people think of you.
    It doesn't mean being indifferent and not caring about people. You can show empathy when you need to. But you don't need this girl.
    For example, I was supposed to see the girl I'm seeing tonight and she cancelled saying she had an allergy since yesterday. I told her "oh no!! bad news, get well :)". But the rest of the week I don't talk to her because I have my life.
    She sent me back a message saying that we would meet again when she is well.
    Dating is just being normal. No dependence on others.

    Send her a message proposing a place, date and time, be kind. But nothing unnecessary, nothing uncalibrated. You don't know her yet
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2022
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  8. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    Okay, cool. Thanks a lot for this answer, I really appreciate it. Yea I will just go about my life, and not be dependent on whether or not she likes me. Whether we hang out next week or not, I still will do my day to day life and stay healthy, things like this.

    For whatever reason, I think I had this subconscious idea in the back of my head that "if I'm not actively communicating with the girl, then she is slowly drifting away". I don't know how or why that false idea got in my head, or when it first happened, but its good to know that is not the truth haha.

    Well, thanks again
     
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  9. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    3 approaches. 1 date.

    So it's been a while since I updated this thread [not that I have had much approaches/dates to talk about].

    Today I had a date with the Moroccon girl I approached 2 weeks ago. The approach is described in my last post.

    In essence, it was a nice interaction. At a certain point I ask her why she thinks I talked to her. She says that she knows why. At this point I'm verbalizing my intent. She then says that she isn't looking for something romantic right now. She said that her friends told her to tell me this in person. I interpret this as follows: I'm LJBF'd [friendzoned].

    But should I take these words for granted? Or isn't this a pretty convenient response for a women when a man states his romantic interest? Did she think that I meant a "serious relationship" when I stated my intent? Should I have not verbalized but do physical escalation instead and see how she responds [I did a bit of touching, she didn't seem to resist].

    I have a lot of conflicting thoughts right now... Afterwards I texted some game aware guys and they told me that I shouldn't pay attention to what she says and try to escalate until the train crashes. On the other hand, I'm glad that I at least stated my interest. What was there to lose? She seems to want to hang out again. Maybe there's still a window of oppurtunity?

    Anyway, did 3 approaches today. One of them was direct. Didn't went great, but I'm glad that I'm trying. I think I also did a directions opener on public transport a few times over the past weeks. Will add 2 more to the counter.

    65/100
    4 dates

    So I'm finally finished with all my academic tasks, so I have time for daygame again. Will be trying something tomorrow probably.
     
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  10. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    2 approaches. 1 instant date.

    I'll only write a bit about the approach that led to the i-date.

    I was walking in the fashion street, courting negative thoughts about approaching. I go into a side street and I see a girl walking a bit further. I do the approach. I do more of a side stop instead of a front stop and open indirectly.

    She immediately said that she's from Japan and that it's her first day in Europe. I got for the instant date and take her to a café. She immediately starts asking me if I do this a lot, what I think of Asian girls, etc. I admit to her that I had a date in the café with another girl yesterday. I touch her leg a bit and she doesn't resist. At a certain point I propose to sit at another table with just a sofa so that we sit next to each other. Here I do more heavy escalation. She doesn't recipcrocate, but doesn't resist either.

    I then show her the city a bit. Then we go to a bar. Got the number and then we split.

    67/100
    4 dates
    2 i-dates
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2022
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  11. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    I did 10 approaches today.

    I'm pretty tired of all the walking today so I don't think I will be describing the interactions. The point now is to come out of the comfort zone and do daygame more often

    77/100
     
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  12. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    5 approaches. 2 numbers.

    Went to the centre to do some approaching [I'm housesitting in the capital city]. Not a "big session" where I pushed myself to the limit, but I'm glad that I took action. 3 of the approaches were direct. Normally I don't have the balls to go somewhere on my own [that is, without a wing] and do direct approaches. When I entered the centre I miss some opportunities and I'm beating myself up about it, having self-defeating negative thoughts. But that's all-or-nothing thinking really. Missing a cold approach opportunity is of no significance. Backing out of one opportunity doesn't mean that you will be backing out of all the others.

    One of the approaches was a Malaysian student. I said to her that she had a serious walk and that I wanted to find out why. I tried to take on the burden of conversation by making an assumption about her studies, ramble a bit about that topic, and then she hooked. The conversation went pretty well and at a certain point I wanted to end it but she kept talking. Will ping her tomorrow.

    Other number was an indirect opener in the metro station where I asked a girl for directions [which was actually genuine]. This wasn't really a good conversation because we didn't really reach the point of a personal conversation where she asked me questions. At a certain point I went direct by telling her that she looks nice and then I grabbed her number.

    I see the potential of going out a few times a week, walking a bit after work approaching a handful of girls. I don't see myself becoming a fulltime daygamer, but this shows that a quick daygame session can be clocked in at a time when girls are leaving work, without having to strut around the streets aimlessly all day. It seems way better than just sitting at home, live a sedentary lifestyle and look at a screen, if you ask me.

    82/100
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2022 at 3:15 AM
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  13. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Had another date with the Moroccon girl yesterday. We had lunch. I did a bit of escalation and went for the kiss close when we split up. Got rejected.

    Yesterday I did 5 approaches. Nothing glamorous. No real impetus to describe them. They were indirect. Today I also did one cold approach.

    88/100
     
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  14. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    11/100

    One approach today. A girl on the campus. I said “excuse me, is that a good type of water bottle, my brother and I are thinking of something to get our mom for her birthday”

    We talked about 3 minutes, I steered the direction to multiple topics. She wasn’t showing strong interest and she didn’t ask me any personal questions, so I said have a good day, thanks for the tip on the water bottle.

    Also, the girls number I got on approach 10 turned into nothing. She never responded when I asked her to hang out
     
  15. 100 Days

    100 Days Fapstronaut

    12/100

    An approach after classes at night. Saw a girl as I was walking out of the library. I said to her “hey, how was your day today?”

    We talked for about a minute. She asked personal questions and seemed pretty into the conversation. I said “we should talk more”.

    She looked away and seemed disappointed, and said “ I can’t, I have a boyfriend”.

    I could have maybe tried to push things a little further, but we said goodbye to each other and parted ways
     
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  16. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    7 approaches yesterday. 3 numbers. 1 i-date.

    A few days earlier I did 2 sets of which 1 led to a number.

    Met up with some other daygamers in Brussels yesterday and I did some approaches. I'm counting the instant blow outs where girls just kept walking after I tried to stop them.

    The girl I had an instant date with was very receptive towards the approach. She introduced herself after it was clear that I just wanted to talk. Italian girl who grew up in the UK. My English speaking sets are usually with girls who aren't native English speakers, so maybe that's why she was more confident. I took her to a café and she touched me a few times whilst we were ordering. When we were sitting I did kino, and she didn't seem to care. I didn't really go for extended kino like holding her hand for a prolonged time. I don't know if the much yearned "same day lay" was realistic, since my logistics are off and I don't think that I have the skill set for that. But thought patterns like that aren't good because it assumes a perfectionistic standard ["I should have done XYZ!"]. Nothing should be if things aren't. So after a the i-date I grabbed the number and then we split up.

    The other 2 numbers are a Romanian and Bulgarian girl.

    What I usually say now after stopping the girl is saying that she has a relaxed/serious/happy walk. I guess it's direct enough in a way that the girl immediately knows that I'm flirting.

    I always tend to rest on my laurels when I get a number [or even do a set that I think is good enough]. I think "this will be it!". This is a mistake. Severly limiting. A good interaction with a number close doesn't mean anything. Keep pipelining.

    97/100
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2022 at 1:37 PM
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  17. Spirituss

    Spirituss Fapstronaut

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    Hey man if you want a little advice for your dates. A woman won't sleep with you because you were touchy-feely, tried to kiss her or created a flirty atmosphere.

    She will sleep with you because you were interested in her. You asked her questions about what she does, who she is. Who you are. You created an atmosphere to connect or just get along with her.
    You said what you thought, your opinions, your values. Even if it's not to the liking of others.

    That's what attracts women. Not being touchy-feely or holding hands.
    If you do that, it'll be a lot easier to bring women home. You will have created something together. A beginning of a relationship. Because yes, a first date is the beginning of a relationship. You have to put wood to light the fire. And that wood is not game techniques but human qualities like empathy, kindness, intention.
    That's what women like!

    Women decide when they want to sleep with you. You don't have to force anything.
    That doesn't mean not taking risks. If you want to go home and watch a movie with her you can tell her. As long as it's tactful, it's always good

    You don't create something with a woman by trying to kiss her or by trying to get closer physically. If you try to do that. Most of the time You're communicating the fact that you're afraid you'll be friends. So you're afraid of losing her. So you don't know how to live alone.
    Trying things has the opposite effect of what you are trying to accomplish in most cases.
    Not to mention the fact that in 99% of the cases it is not calibrated
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2022 at 5:02 PM
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