Me personally, I'm not pursuing for a while. Women do not like guys my age who aren't successful. They treat them with scorn and contempt. But that's ok. One day, things will be different. I'm going to reverse all of the years of failure, low self-esteem, and fruitlessly wanting. I'm doing the work.
Who defines success though? I am 31 and I dont exactly consider myself successful neither. I am still a student after 12 years. Do something about hat you can do something about and forget the rest. I for example am fat. I cant magically make my kilos disappear overnight and it makes me insecure that I have to try to pick up women while not feeling worthy. But I am working on my health. I am eating healthy, I am on my 35th day of Nofap. I have lost 6kg so far. About 10kg more and I will start to feel content with my body again. As long as you keep your place clean, take care of personal hygiene and are self sufficient emotionally and financially, there is nothing preventing you from going after what you want. There is also possible for you to turn your life around relatively quickly but that is a whole other topic which requires a whole forum section in itself.
It is all relative and subjective. It is a myth that you need good looks or a lot of money. I dont know your situation but dont let it turn into a limiting belief. There is always stuff you can work on to increase your chances. Many girls like older guys. They have a fantasy that you will have more life experience than them and be bolder than younger guys. They expect that you know what you want etc. It doesnt need to be true as long as you can give them the impression that you got those qualities. You dont need to be dishonest but dont be embarrassed by your age. It is like a dance almost. Animals play these mating games. Women are almost without exception the picky gender. Men has to play different kind of games to impress them. With humans it is relatively straight forward. I wont say that our competition is particularly hard. Look at your average competition. The average man is overweight, has zero or little ambition, watches porn, plays computer games and is broke. The magic is that you dont need a lot to get started. Just approaching in itself will turn on some attraction switches in at least a few women. With practice, you will have more success. But first you have to love yourself though. Hard to love anyone else unless you fix that part.
I missed two obvious opportunities on my daily commute to the gym. One girl was reading a Billboard outside the locker rooms. She was basically asking to be approached. I could have said the first thing on my mind and it would have been good but out of habit I walked past her. Second missed opportunity was when I overheard two girls discussing politics. I wanted to say something but again I just kept walking. That is the thing. I even have the urge to talk to people but I have been conditioned to avoid interactions. The day isnt over yet though. I am going to work an hour on my business and then I am strongly considering going out sarging tonight. My urges are strong and I should be out interacting with people instead of hiding in my cave hoping that someone will drop from the skies into my lap. I messaged several girl friends today and asked to hang out. 5 out of 6 answered. There is only one of them I like enough to date. The others aren't unattractive but they are just friends. I am meeting two of them on Wednesday and one on Friday. The urges made me contact them. Not because I am that desperate to get laid but because hanging out with them will allow me to forget about my urges for a few hours. And maybe get a female perspective on things. At least one of them would help me by joining events with me. A true friend. My main focus is to keep racking up days until something clicks.
Yes and I believe that true self-love is maintenance. Fitness, diet, working (earning), prayer, reading and being willing to feel suffering and face fears. A man does this most effectively in a hard mode reboot. But you say a ton of good stuff, you have a lot of wisdom. Keep going brother! hmu if I can help!
13/1000 I made two approaches today. The first one was in class. Had a nice conversation for a few minutes. My opener was "Hey, you are (insert name) right?". I have seen her around before so I wasnt sure if I was going to count it. We chatted for a few minutes and I am meeting her tomorrow for coffee. Turns out we are neighbours. Second approach was out in the woods. I was running late for a mushroom hunting course. I saw two girls standing there but the rest of the group were gone. They were also running late so I told them I knew a few mushrooms and that we could pick the few species I already knew. They agreed. One of the girls left after about 30 minutes. She seemed nervous. The other girl stayed with me and super curious about the woods (she was from abroad). I got some real serial killer vibes in there. There I was alone in the woods with a girl with a big knife in my hand. I think she was hitting on me but I wasnt that attracted. Or maybe that was an excuse to overlook how she described the whole forest with sexual innuendos. I relapsed two days ago after a long nofap streak. Maybe I would have been more assertive if I hadnt but I dont know. I dont seem to have a lot of problems talking to girls in normal situations. I dont know exactly what my sticking point is yet but I wasnt that attracted to any of the girls I talked with today. If I am going to guess it is not the talking I have problems with, it is the part where I have to flirt.
If you want some action, you are going to have to get close, touch her and go for the kiss. Otherwise it's going to be friend zone field trip every day.
Yea, without context it is weird. For now I am just getting into the habit of talking with girls I see while doing my normal daily activities. I am counting every interaction no matter how short for now but I will stop counting them when I develop a couple strategies. I am not horrible at small talk but I have a lot of room for improvement.
15/1000 I wasnt sure about exactly how many interactions I was going to count towards the challenge today. I ended up with two. I visited a friend of mine today and then I drank some coffee with the girl I chatted with during class the other day. It probably boils down to nothing. The conversation turned pretty dark and heavy and I got a headache from all the nihilism. I think I will continue talking with her but I realized I am not attracted anymore. I visited a friend of mine after. She lives close by. Her new house was pretty awesome. She won the lottery recently. Lucky bastard. The second approach was a girl at the gym. I am counting it because we talked for maybe 2 minutes even though it was just superficial small talk. I did ask a girl a question while at school but it was a short question about where to find a classroom and I was actually just trying to find the room. Even though she was pretty, I dont feel like counting it because she gave me a one word response and I left in a hurry. There is some party going on tonight but I am pretty tired after today. Starting a new semester was quite brutal and I realize I need to slow down a little. I had a pretty solid routine until today with working out, meditating, reading and so on. Today I didnt manage to keep my good flow because of class. I want to prioritize my good habits and stick with them despite school taking up most of my day. That means that I have to find a new balance. I want to have a social life also but I have to prioritize so that I dont burn myself out. School again tomorrow. Maybe I can chat with some strangers before or after class. I also have another mushroom hunting course coming up tomorrow. On Friday I am meeting a friend in the city. It is a girl I like but I havent seen her all summer so I dont really have a lot of expectations.
16/1000 On my way back from school I was approached by a girl. I probably shouldnt count interactions where the girl takes the initiative but this one was probably my best interaction this far. At first I thought she was trying to sell me something but she showed me some post cards and asked me if I knew of any post office close by. I stopped up for a moment to think before I told her "sure, I think I know of one. I can show you". Then I started walking. She asked me if I was a student. I told her I am studying Biology. She exclaimed enthusiastically while showing off her bag with the university logo "at (name of Uni)?". That was an IOI but I didnt quite realize until later. I asked her if she was writing letters for her family. She tried to understand and asked me to repeat. I pointed at the letters and repeated the question in a different way. I asked her here she was from and she told me she was French. I stopped at the entrance to the post office and told her "go in there and to the left" and turned around to leave. She asked me if I was taking the train (another IOI). I told her I live close by and that I was walking home. I probably should have taken her number then and there but I got the feeling that I will see her around since we are basically studying the same thing. I might regret that if I happen to not bump into her again. She was pretty as well.
You build that context when you ask her. You complement her, listen to what she says, and keep moving in. Talk close to her. Put your hand on the small of her back. Or enjoy the friend zone. It's weird for a while, but girls want it. If she is standing there talking to you, she wants that. You won't get any better signs.
19/1000 I think I caught a cold yesterday, possibly covid for the fourth time but I have run out of tests so whatever. I had a headache after getting back home from school and considered not going to the mushroom course today. I went anyways. I had a few interactions with both guys and girls. I am counting 3 of them. First and foremost I was picking mushrooms but I chatted a little with a few girls. I remember two of the interactions going quite well although I probably talked with around 10 girls in total. I am also counting my last one since it was significant, not because it went particularly well. When I was walking back home, I was approaching four girls from behind. I hadn't really talked much with them at all until that point. There was one girl in the group that was particularly attractive. I was thinking of walking past them and talking over my shoulder but they were both blocking the whole road and walking too fast to make it look smooth at all. Then my next idea was to not open the girl I was interested in right away but talk with her friends first. And I dropped a topic which was meant to disqualify myself. I talked with them from an awkward position (slightly behind them) so I didnt have much eye contact with any of them. My disqualifiers were out of place. The girls probably wondered multiple times why I was even talking with them. And I was stuck with walking in their same direction for half an hour. I talked with them for the entire trip but I could sense that it was pretty awkward most of the time. They asked me a few questions and I was a little too honest. While I am not a fan of lying, it isnt always a good idea to answer questions which will demonstrate low value traits if answered. For example telling them that I have been a student for the last six years.
Oh the good ol' days of college! Yeah, it kind of sucked. For one year things were socially normal. The next year I lived in the fraternity hall, which was chaotic and suffocating. I hated it in the second week. The final year I lived in a remote part of campus. There were not many students there, it wasn't filled up. Most people wanted to either live with other students or be off-campus. I didn't like it when I was around too many people every day like that, with no escape. And I didn't like being alone, like I was marooned on a desert island either. I used to think, I gotta get away from these people, where can I go? Then later, it was where did everybody go? Hello??? Anybody here?
It's getting weirder. What's more insecure than a guy who feels the need to force a relationship instead of a guy at peace with making friends as much as romantic relationships? With that mindset, you won't have either friends or girlfriends. You remove the present moment to turn it into something strange just for your personal interests. Women hate that, and no, it's not what they want! If you like someone just tell the truth, stop hiding. But don't play these strange games.
Who said anything about lying? I say, don't tell lies! All I'm trying to suggest is that if you happen to be talking to a sweet baby, don't be afraid to move in there, get close and start some touching. You can be sweet to her, interested in her, but you need to add the touch in, or she's going to friend zone you. If I start to move in like that and she gets weird about it or backs off, then I know I was headed into the friend zone anyway. That is good to know. I can end the interaction and move on!
No approaches today. Been at home doing nothing. I think I have a fever. I did hang out with a friend at school today. I have classes with her but I have known her for 13 years. I told her I feel sick and are going home. She told me she was also feeling sick and we walked home. She lives a few hundred meters from me. It feels good to at least have a few friends. I have around 10 friends, all female. A girl I was dating earlier told me that is a red flag. I have a hard time connecting with men. I need male friends as well. They offer a completely different perspective on things. I am going to a concert tomorrow. I hope I am healthy by then. My objective is to talk with 16 women during the night. According to my friend Mystery, I am screwing up if I dont talk to enough people. If I shoot my shot once a year, I get no women. If I shoot my shot 12 times a day, 4 days a week then I am a few weeks away from getting laid. And I wont lie. I am doing this challenge to expand my social life but my sex life has been shit for a while so I am doing it to get laid.
Mystery. Guy gives me the creeps. I think if he came over, some of my stuff would be missing. Listen man, I think your problem is you need to find yourself. You are looking to people to solve it. What these people do is sense neediness, and that makes it worse. The other problem with that is they are just going to tell you what you want to hear, and that isn't going to help. You need to become the fullness of yourself, based on what you want to accomplish. I tell you this because you have a brain. Your problem isn't people and it isn't even loneliness. You need to get more alone so that you can find who you are, what are your goals, what you want to be. Being on your own and contemplating who you are, over time is like setting yourself in concrete. You can set goals and achieve them. When you chase after people, all you get is confusion, wasted time and drama. It distorts your thinking. Well, my best. I shouldn't have written all this, but it's my attempt to help. If it doesn't help you, then find it somewhere else. But I believe that all roads lead back to Rome, my friend...
