~100 days completed - zero gains

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by plato89, Jun 26, 2020.

  1. plato89

    plato89 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    so I described my story here. Like previously said I'm not someone that used to PMO chronically.


    After about 100 days since last PMO and about 75 since last penetrative sex I can say that:

    - I don't have any sexual thoughts or urges,
    - Seeing my hot gf naked/dressed sexy does nothing to me.
    - haven't had any case of a "wet dream"

    Is the only answer here "it's flatline, bro just wait it out"?

    I eat super healthy, work out. I have zero other issues than non-existent libido.
    Sometimes when I see a hot ad or a picture I feel a bit of a pain in the right side or back of my head.

    Please advise :(
     
  2. You should find someone here who has gone through flatline and see what they say. Personally I think you shouldn't give up. It sounds like you're in the heart of it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2020
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  3. Also please check out the TED talk by Gary Wilson. It's important to educate yourself as much as possible. Yourbrainonporn.com has many articles on flatline. I recommend the book as well. Everyone should read it.
     
  4. Baowistop

    Baowistop Fapstronaut

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    Getting out of the pmo cycle and conquer your lust is a big gain itself. Why do you want to experience sexual thoughts frequently again? Its sounds like your mind is clear right now. Use it for your advantage
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2020
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  5. BlueBallsOG

    BlueBallsOG Fapstronaut

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    Flatline is normal and probably will go away but it can take weeks and in severe cases even months, but you can reduce its effect by seeking fun/emotional stimulation elsewhere. Seeing more friends focussing on hobbies, working out intensly or other activities for wich you really have to do something. This worked for me, limiting the flatline to a mere few days sometimes.
     
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  6. yupThat'sMe

    yupThat'sMe Fapstronaut

    Hi, so I don't really know much about your issue, but here I am anyway:

    Before I read your story I would have said something like: If you already have a gf then do not focus on streaks where you don't have sex with her.
    After reading your story, of course this is exactly your problem. I guess it must be really frustrating and hope for you to get better - if you can get better with advice from NoFap I am not sure. I am pretty sure that you should under no circumstances fall back to your fetishes, this wouldn't solve the problem. But maybe a wider variety of views would be good, doctors, psyichologist and so on.
     
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  7. plato89

    plato89 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not giving up, that's for sure.
    I don't have any urges so it's not a tough call.



    Thanks for your answer. With all due respect, all I want is to feel like a man again. Get horny when my hot GF is "in the mood", feel that male "energy" every now and then...

    My mind is not clearer. I've always been a highly performing guy at work with a clear head.
    If anything I have lower focus these days but that's probably related to lock-down etc.

    I don't know where "conquer your last" came from. In my first message I said I could cold turkey give up p... with no trouble.

    Firstly, thank you.

    I've worked with doctors and have a great therapist too.
    I don't focus on those "streaks"; what i say is that it's >110 days without sex for me and I
    a) don't have any urges
    b) don't have morning wood
    c) don't have spontaneous erections
    d) don't have any libido looking at my hot GF of hot models/actresses etc.

    This is frustrating.
     
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    It was 4-6 months before my husband saw any changes. Unlike you, he did not grow up with hsi. I’m assuming you have used since your teens? You used porn as your brain developed, at a pivotal time in your growth. It may take far longer for you to rewire your brain to be excited by real women. I’d say give it at least a year. That’s when we noticed the biggest changes for my husband. Unfortunately, much like weight loss, only time and consistency is going to help heal you.
     
  9. ricki

    ricki New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I am new to the forum. Want to share my experience. I am in my day 50 now, and I start feeling better. My flatline was about 5 weeks long, and now slowly but surely I feel that my libido is coming back to me. I never had any wet dreams during this time. During the flatline, I was literally down. My nervous system felt like devastated. I can't say that I am fully recovered, but I start regaining energy step by step. I would advice continuing your streak. It should get better!
     
  10. vril

    vril Fapstronaut

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    I think what has killed my sex drive and led to PMO is the idea that I need to be better or different or more masculine. I need to fit some ideal that I have in my head, which really is just an image that has been conditioned in the culture of what a man 'should' be, and not just sexually. So I've tried a lot of self-improvement type activities to become that person. It would be a long list if I were to go through them all.

    The ironic thing is that the more I tried to become something I'm not, the worse my problems would get. Judging myself against an ideal, I see myself as inadequate and guess what? Since I see myself that way, I act that way. It's a real mind game. The more expectations I put on myself, the more anxious I get, and the worse I perform, which justifies how inadequate I am, so I set these expectations, and on and on. Porn addiction is giving up on the ideal, but not that I am inadequate.

    The solution is to accept myself as I am right now and throw out the ideal, then just intuit the next move, trusting my instincts. That's what that 'male energy' is to me. I move through life with a natural confidence that comes from being aligned with my true nature.

    I hope this helps. Certainly has helped me to think it through.
     
  11. whitehawk

    whitehawk Fapstronaut

    This is such a beautiful answer, you are making me think a lot. I totally relate to this and I couldn't have said with better words - and even if we don't know each other, I can see it's a result of a journey you made.

    To me, the most paradoxical thing is the fact that the moment in which you let go your (wrong) ideas or expectations, all of them, everything starts to flow towards the right direction. It's the beauty of nature cleaned from the cerebral pollution. Especially because 99.99% of the times those ideas are exclusively inside your head, your partner doesn't even imagine nor expect them. Also remembering that the other person as well is human, and therefore has their own insecurities, flaws, fears, anxieties (all of which you are not aware of!) helps you not feeling judged or looked down.

    Sometimes we should all stop for a moment and remember that sex should be a moment of fun, a manifestation of love, of shared intimacy, not a test, an achievement, an exam. Sex is not mere penetration, that's just a part of it. Sex is made of cuddles, flirting, kisses, laughs, sights, words, whispers, smells.

    A question to the OP: I know it might not be an easy thing to do, but have you tried maybe to talk with your girlfriend about this? And if you hadn't yet, do you think she would understand? (I ask because I obviously don't know how your relationship is). I am trying to imagine myself in your situation, and what I can imagine is feeling a lot of pressure every time "she's in the mood" - correct me if I am wrong. And sharing problems is what brings those around you even closer. So you know, maybe talking about this could help you unloading it from your chest, and you can find a solution together.

    Lastly, I know this might seem an "unpopular" or controversial advice here, but have you considered simply trying if pmo could actually help you to awaken your libido? You said you weren't a chronic user, so I am assuming you didn't have an unhealthy relationship with it. I believe that this journey should end up making you feel better with yourself (and help you to put your act together), that's the only thing that matters. I am specifying it because sometimes I have the impression to see messages of users almost addicted to the idea of quitting the addiction (or compulsion). Far be it from me to judge, it's just my humble point of view.
     
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  12. Stanza

    Stanza Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, i can sa
    Hello. first of all I wanted to tell you that the flatline is normal. Forget superpowers after 90 days. 90 is just a number, as is 100 or 200. A persons is usually said to have healed completely after 90-150 days. But it depends. we are all different. It's like healing from a cold, there are people who heal after 3 days and others after 3 weeks. I have never been addicted to porn, but I was addicted to masturbation. and I can tell you that I started to feel my sexual energy waking up around day 88, 89. Now I am on day 93 and I begin to feel the first urges even involuntarily. These are signs of cure. But I no longer look at others, I understand that my body will respond when it is ready. According to the nofappers, the flatline had to end on day 20 and feel the sexual energy after a month. But no, I did practically 3 months without libido. Remember LISTEN ONLY TO YOUR BODY. When it is ready, you will notice it. don't look at the days or the months .... And don't look at this site too much.
     
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  13. plato89

    plato89 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all positive messages earlier.

    Just wanted to report that it's been ~140 days and there is not a slightest bit of libido there :(
     
  14. plato89

    plato89 Fapstronaut

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    My gf is extremely understanding. It's a long term relationship, longer than most marriages. +10 years.
    I feel nothing but support from her.


    Yeah, no eroitica can fire up my libido, though.
     
  15. l'm The Chosen One

    l'm The Chosen One Fapstronaut

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    Your wet dreams seem to have not begun.I had my first wet dream on the 120th day in my previous streak.It's happening more often now.To me, wet dreams are part of recovery.Your brain is changing every day, you can't even notice it.Don't rush, man.I have no idea whether sex will help you. Apparently you just want to get rid of ED.Maybe useful, maybe not...I don't have any problem with ED so I can't say much about it.

    You are here to help young people and have informed many people until now.I really appreciate that.God bless you...
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.

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