100% this will break your addiction. Only for commited quitters.(Credits to Metalmaniac9999)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. Wall of text but so worth your time i promise you. Ok so i am new around here but i'd thought i'd help out a little with what little i do know. ALL THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I'm just going to be frank here with every single one of you.

    Let me begin by saying that this post is not aimed at people just looking to do a vanilla challenge. This is for people who really want to quit for real. Ok with that said. You absolutely cannot quit porn and masturbation if you do not control your lustful thinking, which is obviously the root cause of relapse. IMO, REALLY quitting means you do not crave porn and masturbation. You do not even think about, ever. If you have to fight urges to not watch porn/jerk off, if you are busy resisting urges even months into your so far successful challenge, you are still a slave to porn and you are wasting a lot of time. If you are really serious about quitting porn and not just doing a goal for fun you cannot half ass this. Most of the people i see on the web seem to want to really quit but they go in with a halfassed mindset like "meh let's see what happens". You have to really be a 1000% serious and you have to realize that you are not going to watch any more porn for at least a VERY long time. For the sake of my method, let's just assume you are not going to watch porn FOREVER. Never again. This is the mindset you need to have. If you have ANY porn scenes floating around on your hard drive or in your favorites that you still wanna watch, then just go ahead and do it right now, one final time, yank your knob, finish them all, and delete it all. Because if you have all that lingering around while doing this challenge, you're not really in it. Personally i have set my current goal to a year but only for the sake of having a milestone to look forward too and to celebrate, my real goal is to stop lusting forever, which obvously means that there will be no such things as porn and masturbation as well. There will be sexual intercourse of course. My first post on this forum ("NoLust", you can find it by clicking my username) describes my personal feelings about lusting. moving on.

    Ok i never really had a problem with porn and masturbation, i watched porn and masturbated maybe once a week for half an hour or less. The reason i am quitting is because i have come to the conclusion that i do not like lusting (thinking sexual/erotic thoughts is how i personally define it, i'm not talking in religious terms or anything so don't freak out on me!). i don't want to turn myself on through fantasy, i want a girl to do that. Ok anyways, so i am a bit different from most guys around here who just do a challenge of quitting PMO (which i assume stands for porn masturbation orgasm) for a period of time.

    Now why would you take advice from some newbie with (at the time of this writing) a 1 day smiley next to his username. well honestly the day counter doesn't really matter much to me. and i actually haven't watched porn or masturbated or lusted for about a week now and haven't even felt like it but anyways i've only just yesterday formally started the challenge. i'm already set as far as i'm concerned and i'll get to that in a little bit. "fapstinence" is really not the big deal people make it out to be. for me at least. yes it will be hard for many of you but with the right mindset it can actually be ridiculously easy.

    A little background, i am 20. i have completely quit lusting (and by extension obviously, porn and masturbation as well) for three weeks straight a year ago as a challenge i set for myself (not on reddit or the internet or whatever, just a little personal challenge). it was dead easy but only an experiment because i never really had a problem with porn and masturbation. now i do want to completely quit lusting though so i am thankful that i experimented with that a year ago. I have learned a lifetime's worth in those three weeks alone regarding this subject. The method of which i will i will share with you here. It's not "my" method by the way, i'm sure many have done or are doing the exact thing. But many other aren't. Though i did screw up on the fourth day of the three weeks challenge thinking about this hot chick at school for like three minutes, i never "relapsed". It was only three weeks but it could've easily been a year or forever if i wanted to. I just didn't. Now i do. Being only 20 i am young so it is easier for me than for most but i still have been watching porn for a very long time.

    Now let's get to the meat and potatoes of this post. I've been doing a bit of reading around on the net for hours today on this subject. Ok let's be honest, the reason you relapse is because you think lustful thoughts. The root of relapsing ALWAYS starts with a lustful thought. You want to do this fapstinence thing smoothly and painlessly. In fact i am going to drop the term nofap and use "nolust" because that is what this is. You do not want to "resist urges" or "edge". I believe you can't really do this on easy mode. You can't just selectively only quit porn or masturbation or all of the above. If you are serious about this you have to get to the root of the problem and that is lusting.

    Here's what i have done. Before you start doing nolust, here's what you NEED to do first:

    Finish off any porn scenes you've really been wanting to watch for a long time, do it NOW and then never look back. you will never ever be watching porn again and you have to realize this.

    Delete everything porn/erotic material-related from your harddrive, your mobile devices, your browser favorites, everywhere has to be completely porn free. CLEAN YOUR ALL YOUR BROWER'S HISTORY AND COOKIES AND ADDRESS BAR <<< VERY IMPORTANT. No sexy pics. No cartoon porn or hentai or whatever it's called either! I've actually read that some people don't consider hentai to be porn but just erotic cartoons so it's ok to watch that. DON'T BE KIDDING YOURSELF. Get rid of anything at all that could be conducive to lusting.

    Realize that you will never ever look up porn or masturbate ever again. This step is absolutely crucial - if you are not serious about this then just stop it, you are just wasting your time and you are guaranteed to relapse. If you are serious, then proceed.

    How it works, it is dead simple:

    Here's how you relapse: lustful thought pops up > you let it linger > you lust more and more ( here's where you've already lost the struggle) > next thing you know you're on the internet looking up just some sexy facebook or instagram pictures, that's completely innocent, no problem > then it's pics of a sexy naked chick > then it's like ah well a few seconds of a sexy movie won't hurt > you know the rest from here on

    100% guaranteed no relapse: lustful thought pops up > you say no thanks, dismiss it within a split second and go think about something else or play a song in your head or just simply resume and concentrate on the (non-lust related) activity you were engaged in. Bam that's it. It is just that simple snaps fingers. Just say NO THANKS whenever lust kicks on. Keep doing this for a long time (i believe a month is the time it takes to establish a new habit) and it will become a normal and automatic thing, a habit. This is why a lot of people who are several months into their challenge are still having problems, it's because they are still fighting urges like they have been doing from day one, spending so much time and effort doing just that, it would drive me insane. Your problem is still consuming you. You are still lusting. You have to stop lusting and you have train yourself and your mind to dismiss sexual thoughts AS SOON AS THEY ARISE. Only when you are having sex with a girl (or a guy) can you let your lust run free (obviously duh).

    TL;DR: Now let's get something straight here. This is NOT NoFap. This is NoLust. This is basically NoFap taken to the absolute max extreme Dante Must Die Mode. Lust is completely natural. The point i'm making here is that lust is what will make your life miserable if you are trying to quit porn and masturbation. Resisting urges means you are still struggling with your problem. Porn and masturbation are not really the problem! Lust is! Lust is obviously the root cause of porn/masturbation/relapse. You look up porn because you lust. "Uuuh no it's because I am bored and without consciously even thinking about it I am looking up porn", you say. Yes and no, actually, lust is the underlying, subconsious force that drives you to look up porn under the pretext of "being bored". If you are bored, why don't you just look up some music or a movie or a game? Why porn? Because of lust. You have to tame and control the wild horse that is your lust and most of you guys are not doing that. Fighting urges is not the same as not lusting. NoLust is the dismissing of any sexual thoughts that pop up in your head, as soon as they arise. DO NOT let lustful thoughts go on for even a second. If you do this, you will live life with a clean and healthy mind. Any sex that happens will be absolutely mind blowing. It is literally the easiest thing in the world, as simple as just saying "no", if you just fully commit to this.

    Anyways this is what I do right now, that was my take on this whole thing thanks for reading!!
     
  2. Sankofa

    Sankofa Fapstronaut

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    Damn right!!, it's realy true, it always starts with small sexual thoughts and then it gets bigger and stronger and unfortunately it leads to PMO!!!, I have to close my brain's door to every sexual thought...
    Thank you bro!
     
  3. Welcome Fella.
     
  4. 19conquer

    19conquer Fapstronaut

    I'm in haha! I really feel that you're on to something!!
     
    Coolyorky likes this.
  5. 19conquer

    19conquer Fapstronaut

    You should make a group called NoLust
     
    Coolyorky and Sankofa like this.
  6. What you posted here is what I always knew inside me, but never actually realized that, or if I did, didn't give any attention to that. I'll do this method because I believe it'll works. Thanks for sharing it.

    "Just say NO THANKS whenever lust kicks on." I'll mark these words on my head!
     
  7. Well since I increased my test through diet I've been lusting a lot, but before that, Id say the most common reason is escaping, not lust, and not thoughts.

    I disagree that the thought comes first, its the feeling that comes first and then there is the anticipation that if I stroke it it could potentially feel great. The reason why people choose porn is because its pleasure and takes away from pain and problems in life, it provides an escape from reality and this now moment.

    The average person will have tens of thousands of sexual (lustful) thoughts a day apparently, so no its not the thoughts its the feelings. Right now for me its hormonal. Before it was escape. Lustful thoughts? Nah... I just fapped today to a face of a young chick on TV today, where was the thought, I just felt like OH, I had heard her speak earlier and was attracted. If there was a thought it was below the surface and may have been "id love to fuck her" but nah I just think its attraction.

    For younger guys on here I think it could be hormonal but I am of the opinion that the people who do NoFap do not have an excessive libido, some do, but I think most are escaping themselves to a land of pleasure. Women are objectified, but now that I see women more spiritually I am even more attracted for some reason.
     
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  8. Zodiark

    Zodiark Fapstronaut

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    Nice post.
    I agree with you, first comes the thoughts and then the feeling. When the thoughts become a feeling is very difficult to handle. If i stop the thoughts before, i will have nothing to worry. Nice catch!!
     
  9. All of your advice here is brilliant and spot on, except for this. This is terrible advice and completely unnecessary. There's no reason for this. There will always be something new that you want to see, so when would that stage end? Just quit now, why go back and have one last hurrah of something that's damaging you?
     
  10. Listen boy, my best streak was 101 days you know how I made this streak. I used to be a heavy porn user. After suffering from so many years and holding my semen for 101 days here what i noticed that, 101 days ago when i started this journey I failed so many times my best was of 7 weeks. But then I realised why i cant hold it long the answer was urge those urges were getting stronger then I decided to fap, fap until the last erection and then from another day I swear to myself to hold myself atleast for 1month after 9 weeks i noticed that the urges were very weak. Days passed but I have total control on me and I made for about 101 days. This all happened becoz at the starting of my journey I totally satisfied myself. Everyone is different this helped me.
     
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  11. good point
     
  12. I've heard many people do that same thing and its caused them lots of problems, so I'm just saying. I disagree with that advice. If it worked for you, that's cool, but as you say, everybody is different, so this isnt a magic solution that everybody should try if they're serious about quitting.
     
    captainteemo likes this.
  13. Really?
     
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  14. 19conquer

    19conquer Fapstronaut

    If that sounds like something you'd like to do!
     
    captainteemo likes this.
  15. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    That was a awesome post! So very much agree. If you don’t have lustful thoughts, you would have no desire to PMO, love it! I need to help control
    My wandering eyes and lustful thoughts.

    Tbh though my lustful thoughts about random women have gotten much better. But I am having a lot of lustful
    Thoughts about my wife. But we are separated..
     
  16. Coolcalm

    Coolcalm Fapstronaut

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  17. Great post ! I do agree but it will be a hard one. I believe it is man’s natural behavior to be (sexual) attracted to women. I think “healthy men” can confirm this, it is just biological. Maybe for us nolust is the only remedy because of our exorbitant lustful thinking. Eventually if we can make it stop, we are able to connect on a higher level mentally :).
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. smack1234

    smack1234 Fapstronaut

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    I hope this works, I rly want to succeed but I reset today.
    hope
     
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  19. Bboy

    Bboy Fapstronaut

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    I used to attend lecture of a great Spiritual Teacher who said basically the same thing about all addictions. The way he worded it is “extinguish the thought the very instant it pops in your head. Otherwise is will build and turn into an uncontrollable craving. But right when the thought comes it possible to end it.”

    I have found for me I can always do this unless I get too hungry, angry lonely tired (HALT). Then it is more difficult to end the thoigh when they come in. Especially if I am really tired.
     
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  20. Pinetree

    Pinetree Fapstronaut

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    What you are saying here is that lustful thinking is a trigger.

    By the way, what is your definition of a lustful thought ? An image or an intention to do stuff with somebody or ?

    Certainly, but there are other triggers that may be stronger for other people. Just an example, some people relapse to porn after having sex with a woman.

    And something else, which is quite interesting: I am triggered by sex scenes that invade my mind but I am not triggered by sexual fantasies which I create on purpose, which I can simply stop at will.

    Doesn't seem possible to me, and never heard of this before. I'd be curious if you can explain how exactly is that this works for you.

    For me, quitting is craving and not doing it.

    I feel it should be possible, but I haven't tried.

    And the trick is pretty simple - just don't masturbate to porn. Which I have tried, and it has lowered immensely my time wasted on watching porn.

    Probably more difficult for people who can't get aroused by their own hand, but I think it's a trainable skill.

    This is the quitting cold turkey method, doesn't work for most people.

    Again, part of the cold turkey method, I heard of this described in quitting smoking strategies, doesn't work for most people.

    Could you please explain what you mean by this ? That you masturbated until you had enough ? Like one last binge ?


    I think this advice should come with a warning, coming from my research and practice of meditation.

    1. Often, we don't notice a thought when it pops in our head, so it's not really possible to extinguish it at that point.

    2. Noticing a thought and extinguishing it are two different skills.

    3. Me personally, I am poorly skilled at noticing thoughts "the very instant" they pop in my head. For this reason, I developed am much higher skill at extinguishing it at any moment later, so the notion of "uncontrollable craving" doesn't exist for me.

    4. I would argue that "uncontrollable" cravings are usually quite controllable.

    And to support that argument, I like to believe that after starting sexual intercourse, most men are able to stop within a split second after their partner says "stop", for whatever reason she may have.

    Which is the same argument the OP made about quitting cold turkey, stop as in "never again". Except it's difficult to make it work for porn addiction.
     

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