Friends, peace,
This entry is meant to cover in detail the 11th consecutive 90 day streak (which would be marked at DAY 990).
Because I am late to the posting, I decided to also commemorate DAY 1000 in the title itself--but the analysis will definitely focus on the 90 day period.
As usual, here are some links to add context to my journey:
My Journal
90 Days of No PMO Success Story
180 Days of No PMO Success Story
365 Days of No PMO Success Story
450 Days of No PMO Success Story
540 Days of No PMO Success Story
630 Days of No PMO Success Story
720 Days of No PMO Success Story
810 Days of No PMO Success Story
900 Days of No PMO Success Story
Honestly, at this point, I cannot remember much of this journey. I vaguely suspect that, by & by, it was a time marked by nothing in particular. At worst, perhaps a week or two of harder days--but more likely, days of boredom & loneliness than anything else.
---
Upon review, it does seem like my time was aptly remembered. I forgot some of the events (& there were actually a lot of unique events, travels, & friends in this period of time that are actually worth remembering)--but the overall feeling as described was close to the mark.
It seemed to be a time with heavier dosages of sadness, loneliness, & easier annoyance. Among the top issues that were unique to this time or just started included...
-lots of roommate issues (getting left out on the regular; him changing his schedule so that it clashed with mine on the regular; his general loudness taking an increase in volume)
-Temptations to "normal" things. It seemed like a peak year for short-short fashion for men, & this was a terrible bane & trial for me (given my SSA).
Despite these lows, I tend to think that I was pretty "flatline" (not in NoFap terminology but if you were to graph my overall mood) this time around. There were not really many highs or lows. It was somewhere in-between, & it seemed dry.
Much of my time focused on work. Other periods of my time felt restless (again, see roommate issue--I might return home but not wish to be home or thus feel like I did not have rest in my own space).
The times in the chapel, overall, seemed to likewise continue a downward trend. I still maintained my discipline, but the holy hour was likely more of a 40-50 minute thing prior to Mass. I have been remedying this lately--but I need to definitely get my act together.
I think that my writing has also become more terse. I have been trying to spend less time online. This can give a false impression of not being as successful in NoFap or perhaps not as deep. But upon review, it does seem that I did have deep moments of prayer & reflection...these simply did not make it into the Journal.
It is a shame because I cannot revisit these memories...but then again, there are pros & cons to these things. And one of the goals of NoFap is to "regain one's life". Which would mean less posting &c. in the long run.
Likewise, there were periods of great discipline. I noted a solid streak of prayer times wherein I was focused & more-or-less took command of myself & stamped out my own distractions. This is a hopeful note--& I need to remember it--for lately these days, I have been more discouraged, & discouragement can make it harder to kill off the thoughts.
Especially in the tail-end of this 90-day streak, there was a kind of renewal in prayer & discipline. I initiated an evening chapel time to make up for shorter mornings, & I likewise said some of the minor hours of the Divine Office. There was also a greater emphasis on going to the sacrament of Confession with greater frequency. So, again, there is something good here, despite the general lonely feeling that lingers.
Lastly, as far as I can tell: I started a new workout routine that is much harder than what I had done before--& at least two people (not including myself in that number) have commented on the change. I think that I see the change--& I at least can definitely see the change in the workouts that I can actually achieve.
But I suppose that is that.
In summary, it was a kind of lonely & desert-like 90 days. It seemed full of stressors & boring situations. But...even so, I carry on.
As usual, if you have questions, please let me know.
Thanks,
God bless,
A Modern Miroku