105 days and still can't get hard and have sex... Why ???!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ADC, Nov 16, 2014.

  1. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    >Just like if a girl was only masturbating to Tom Cruise and David Beckham !

    Hmmm, I'm starting to think this too, but the trouble is even after 40 or so days I still have absolutely no inclination to pursue these type of girls that are interested in me. Is there something wrong with me and how many days will I need to change this? I really feel so fucked up by porn :( I honestly, believe that it is this reason alone why I've never had a gf.
     
  2. DarkTunnel

    DarkTunnel Fapstronaut

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    I don't think that has anything to do with porn. It's possible your standards could be too high but it's pretty normal to not be attracted overweight girls and so on. Even when I was watching porn, average girls still turned me on if I could find some nice feature about them. Never found fat attractive though.

    To your questions about is this ED problem just with average girls, I can tell you from experience no it's not. I'm not gonna go into detail but this could happen with literally any girl. Remember the science behind yourbrainonporn. We wired our brains for porn not real women.

    To OP, I'd seriously wait till the 6 month period before you make a judgement, in the mean time if your still worried see your doctor. I've had an unrelated blood test a few months ago and everything was fine so for that and my own experience, I'm convinced my PIED is virtually all due to conditioning myself for porn too much.
     
  3. Awingman

    Awingman Fapstronaut

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    I can totally relate to you guys, I too have traditionally been turned on during foreplay but when it comes time for penetration, I would 80% percent of the time lose it. It is soo frustrating. The other 20% of the time its no problem. It actually happened to me this weekend. Out of two sessions I was only successful once. I guess this lets us know we have to hang in their longer. As far as vitamins, I hear yohimbe,tribulus and horny goat weed may help out.
     
  4. ADC

    ADC Fapstronaut

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    Well guys I took an advice from Dad and decided to put a condom alone just when a random boner hit. I didn't masturbate or fantasize or watch anything. Just put a condom, today when I woke up I had a really hard morning wood so I took the ocasion.

    Well it seems like I can do it. I was still 100% hard even though putting a condom doesn't feel that good. I'm starting to think the problem is related to stress but believe me, I swear I was not that much stressed when I was with my girlfriend. The proof is I was hard during foreplay...
     
  5. **John**

    **John** Fapstronaut

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    And I just saw the discssion about fat girls. Yes- I must admit- at the moment I am horny as hell but I would never have a girlfried or even just sex with an overweight girl.
    I have no problem if someone just has begun to fight against it and there would be no progress yet. That wouldnt be a problem.
    But if someone is fat with 25, it will get much worse when the woman gets old. And women usually dont become more beautiful when they get old.
    A very good sign is when women start to workout because of you. Couldnt be any better :cool:

    Yes this trick will help to get used to condoms. That is a good idea. Do you like the smell of a condom? I absoltuely hate it.
     
  6. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I guess anything is worth a try. But surely the issue is that you have PIED (porn induced ED) and haven't reached the reboot threshold yet, not whether wearing a condom or not is causing ED. I would fully expect that you can stay hard with a condom on alone or even with foreplay, but not during intercourse. You are obviously incredibly frustrated by this. But we are all bearing the consequences of our choices over several years to masturbate to porn. At least it is curable and you are getting nearer and nearer to that point all the time.
     
  7. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    @Tweeby: While the perception of a woman's desirability may be improved by not watching porn, it is largely, if not entirely, a matter of socialization. I don't know what is considered beautiful for women else where in the world but here in the U.S of A, we are taught that fat people are ugly and fat women are doubly so.

    If you want to be attracted to the average woman, you have to break through the socialization that takes place from childhood. Since it have been pounded into us our whole lives it is hard to break. I for one never really had this problem because of how my parents raised me but most people are not that lucky.

    My suggestion to you is to go on a date with a "fattie" or "ugly" and get to know her and I don't mean that in the sexual way. I mean really get to know who she is. Try focusing on personality more than the physical. Additionally, every time you think that woman is ugly, just ask yourself, "Is she truly ugly to me or is she just what I was taught to find ugly." What I'm trying to get you to do here, is to try and teach yourself to look for all aspects of beauty in a woman. Yes there is physical but that is only skin deep and, while it plays a part in attraction, is easily warped. The one that often gets forgotten is personality(is she thoughtful of others or self centered, is she smart or dumb as door nail, is she funny, ect.).

    @ADC:

    That leads me to think that you are fighting yourself. On an unconscious level you are worried that you won't be able to perform. With that in mind just focus all your mental energy on her. Specifically on what you like about her.

    It isn't a magic bullet but once you get good at this kind of meditation during sex it becomes easier to avoid cock blocking yourself. And if you get stay up, no biggie just pleasure her manually and so forth. Doing so will relieve of the stress of having left her unsatisfied because you will have gotten her off, thus making next time easier.
     
  8. fapperoo

    fapperoo Fapstronaut

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    I would try and get into foreplay for awhile to get yourself into what sex is like. Also it might be something to do with condoms. As soon as I put one on there's no way I'm going to go the distance.
     
  9. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Sorry to hijack your thread ADC, but this here is gold advice, thank you, it's what I've been thinking about but never really gone ahead and carried through.

    This week my goals are to chat to and get to know all these 'so-called' ugs and fatties that are chasing my ass.

    Ah man, it sucks to be me! LOL.
     
  10. Cosmo

    Cosmo Fapstronaut

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    This is my first post, i hope to contribute and get help from this comunity.

    im my opinion the OP problem seems psycological, I had a problem similar some time ago.

    You developerd some kind of anxiety, its like those woman that they can't orgasm, when in fact is 90% of cases is mind anxiety problem.

    You must learn to relax and do not worry about the outcome, the obrigation to be hard is raising your anxiety. Always remember that you can use your others tools(fingers and tongue) to make her cum.
    I even recommend you to make she happy first, after you did the job you have no obrigation, no need rush :)

    Try to masturbate when you wake up(with no porn of course).

    The condom idea is pretty good, put it when you get your morning wood, it will help your subconcious know that your dick is ok.

    You can try hipnosis too, search for it on google it.

    You can even try a viagra one time (without her know) to pumb blood over there kill your douts that your tools is working fine.
     
  11. ADC

    ADC Fapstronaut

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    You're not really hijacking it ! Although I think some posts here kinda lack some respect for overweight people...
    But there's no problem about going a bit further than what I was asking for. All of you here have sent me great advices.

    I talked to my gf in the afternoon. Just told her that I didn't understand why I couldn't stay hard in bed, but I can perfectly stay hard when I'm alone and she said she don't care about this, "next time it will be good, relax, don't worry, things like this happen" and so on... We even started to talk about how men and women can have problems in bed sometimes, for example a lot of girls can't orgasm when stressed and stuff...

    This is only when I write it now that I think I made a mistake by saying it to her. I mean, now she's going to think "he can get hard alone, but not with me, he probably finds me unatractive" even though she said she was find with it. There's no way she didn't think about it, hope she will be ok next time. We should see each other at home saturday...
     
  12. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    ADC I think it is a good thing about being HONEST in your relationships as this will only strengthen your relationships. I mean, yeah it probably wasn't the best thing to say you can get hard by yourself but not so much with her, but at least your being bang upfront and honest.

    You're airing your problems and by doing so you will find solutions to those problems. It would be interesting to have a control subject, in that there is a YOU that exists that has never used porn and see if that same guys has ED problems. Unfortunately, no such guy exists in modern day society.

    That being said, 107 nofap, and still getting ED problems would seriously mind fuck me so I can understand your concern. But you've shown great resolve to continue and work on those issues.

    I think getting used to foreplay with a condom is a great idea and hopefully it will give you better results. I'm certain if you keep going something will click, and you'll get back to normality. Perhaps you need a longer reboot than originally thought?

    Who knows, we're all at different stages in the porn recovery cycle.
     
  13. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    Don't over think it dude. ED is more common than you think, especially among people between the ages of 13 and 30 because internet porn, and most women are patient, understanding, and willing to help if they can.

    If your problem is you then talking to her might be very helpful. I don't know where you stand in your relationship but if you are at the point where you feel that you can really open up to her then maybe you should discuss your PIED and how you are trying to heal via nofap. This does also have the benefit of helping her understand that it is not a lack of attractiveness on her part that is the problem.

    You might find that she wants to encourage you and help you succeed.
     
  14. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

  15. DarkTunnel

    DarkTunnel Fapstronaut

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    This paragraph is a little worrying because you're stressing yourself out thinking about what she really thinks. You'll never know, you have to believe her word until she shows you otherwise. I know you don't wanna tell her about porn addction and nofap cus it's only been a few months and that's completely understandable.

    In the mean time try to relax and enjoy the relationship because sometimes when we stress too much about something that can turn someone off you even more than the thing you were worried about in the first place. You have to be able to trust what she tells you. If she does have a problem with something believe me she'll let you know one way or another eventually and you can talk about it then.

    I'm sure you'll be fine man. Good luck.
     

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