10th Week. Still in the hole

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Indiana_Jones, Jan 24, 2019.

  1. Indiana_Jones

    Indiana_Jones New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    Addicted since 15 years, i decided to stop PMO 10 weeks ago cause I felt my libido was decreasing. No true erection anymore when I was PMOing. But still needing it. Sexe was still great but decreasing slightly aswell.
    Plus, I realised I never successed to spend more than one week without PMO since a decade.

    Before quitting, I was good in my life. Sport, meditation. Great girlfriend, not feeling ashamed after PMO.

    PMO was a shield against feelings and anxiety which is deeply anchored in my person and I was living this fact pretty well. Assuming it totally with myself.

    No particular emergency to stop but I just thought : ok let's try cause I could encounter some troubles in some years.

    From this moment, the real problems shown up.

    I never had the flatline. From the moment I stopped, I recovered instantly a huge libido. May be to much (Coming after 5 minutes cause I was too much excited).

    Mentally speaking, it's been a different story. Withdrawal has been very hard.

    First 4 weeks were a cold black hole of anxiety and depression. Feeling guilty for everything. Feeling I don't deserve my gf. Feeling I'm not me anymore.

    After this 4 weeks, had a quick periode of peace. I was good for two weeks but it didnt last.

    Anxiety came back but I started to feel more resilient after this. Anxiety was decreasing from 100% of time to 50% and then 30%. I see it as wave coming and leaving. At the beginning I was anxious to be anxious forever. Then, I was anxious to feel anxious in the next day.

    Now, I just feel anxious and I know, nothing can happens to me. I feel I start to control my fears of this emotions.

    I did some mistakes cause I wasn't fully informed. I did PM two or three time the first week, then the 8th week, thinking it was okay. And I kept peeking, thinking it was ok.

    I discovered reading some topics here, it wasn't okay at all for recovering.

    So right now, after 10th week, I still feel not okay. Still miss P, still miss MO and still feel anxious. And it's difficult for me to manage the frustration when my gf sometimes says "not tonight". Beginning totally sad and worried about our futur, and other exagerated overreactions like this. Feeling like a pregnant woman reacting with hormones. I try to stay correct and keep it for me but it's ward to act as everything is all rigfht in this kind of situation. So I look weird.

    I never relapsed on PMO. I can keep this line, but I start to feel tired to fight against my own brain whih is craving for P.
    I feel anxious about this situation doesnt change so much and affect my relationship.

    So I'm just telling me, okay, another couple of months and let's see. But I think I will need some support.

    Regards boys
    pak_assassin likes this.

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