120+ DAYS AND 10 CLIFF NOTES FOR YOU. AMA [ongoing]

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by idontwanttoreveal, Oct 25, 2018.

  1. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    Hi.

    I`m here to tell you that it is worth it.
    I`m not going to bother you with my addiction story, it is very similar to yours I believe.
    The thing is, I didn`t knew I had a way out for this, truth be told I didn`t know I was lost in the first place.
    Ever since I can remember having an erection I would masturbate. And after internet came, boom. I was hooked.

    But let me tell you about some stuff that might be similar and also different from others stories.

    1- Each and everyone of you will suffer at different degrees. During my first 3 days I was excited, it was challenging not to view porn or to masturbate.
    But the feeling of excitement was soon gone. I became angry. I became short tempered. I was a raging bull. Let me tell you, it is normal. It is a part of your process.

    2- The feeling of anger was something I did not expect. I read about it but I didn`t think I was going to be this way. I was always very centered and peaceful.
    Having said that, I tried to think about why I was angry in the first place. I had no answer for almost 2 months. During this period I became extremely anxious, I became afraid I was going to have ED. Every single night I would fantasize about something in order to get it up, sometimes I would get it up and sometimes I wouldn`t. Thinking about it makes me really sad right now, but I have accepted it now. It is normal. It is part of the process.

    3- During the anxious phase I would systematically avoid anything related to sex, I became priest like, I avoided everything. For me and maybe for you, might not be healthy because I was also avoiding questioning myself why did I do all those things in the first place. Truth be told, I was afraid of the real me. It`s ok. It was not my fault. I accept it now.

    4- I read a lot. I read forums, articles about brain chemistry, I studied the subject but I wasn`t feeling godly, I wasn`t feeling like all those man and woman reported in the first place. I was in doubt about the whole thing. Why do this if I`m feeling anxious, afraid and angry? Let me tell you, I was about to click.

    5- The feeling of depression sank in, flatline, feeling 0 libido but I was thinking about it, I was feeling guilty that I wanted sex, that I wanted to O. It is ok. I get it now, this is normal and part of the process. This might be the hardest part, the depressing shit you go through this phase, feeling lost without identity. But do not worry, it will get better. FEELING 0 LIBIDO IS OKAY. IT IS YOUR BRAIN REGULATING ITSELF. IT IS NORMAL TO NOT THINK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    6- The click I mentioned wasn`t something like an a-ha moment. It was gradual. How? Why? I have no idea. But for me, and maybe for you, that feeling of depression, anxiety and anger it is because I was lacking a reward for my brain. I had shut down every single benefit of PMO and my body and especially my mind was aching for a hit. I read about but it didn`t connect to my thoughts right away. That`s what a brain fog actually feels like. You can read, you can hear something but your brain feels distant from the actual reality.

    7- During this phase I found myself, for no reason whatsoever going through some plans and old hobbies that I had left behind. Seriously, I`m not creating this shit up. I restarted a personal project of brewery and got it going little by little. Read something, bought some equipment and started working every other day. How did I do that? Now I know, but I`ll tell you about it later on.

    8- The thing is, I didn`t complete my research, it is still ongoing. But I started to reward my brain with little hits of happiness. It brings me a smile to type this, but I became less depressed and less anxious while I was working on this new stuff. Brain fog aside, it makes sense now. I was rewarding myself with something else besides PMO. Every day I had a little improvement of my mind, my thoughts became clearer each day. I wasn`t as angry but I confess that my short tempered was still kinda there. I understand now, I was in the verge of finding my true self.

    9- Before I realize, I was waking up more energized. I was also more confident in social situations. I might have flirted several times without even noticing it. My EQ was 100% but I did not had the urge to O like I used to. Mind that I wanted to watch P and M, but it was a different kind of degree of neediness if you get the point. Suddenly I had goals, I was establishing clear objectives for a day and for a week. I was LIVING, that`s when I realized that I had clicked.

    10- item 9 was during mid 70 day. In the past 20 days I developed my inner sense of empathy, I am more aware of others feelings and how I was such a jerk in some situations. I`m still not over being short tempered, but I learned to accept myself and work on it. In reward, I`m feeling great. Just great. Right now I have three ongoing projects on my life besides work (did I tell you that my work got better? well it did...). I have these three hobbies and they have nothing to do with PMO, but they reward me way more than that. It is weird though, I`m discovering all these things that makes me want more from life (stfu so corny), but it is true. I am so proud of what I have been doing and how I am communicating myself with others. How I am capable of expressing feelings towards someone else and how that all of this it is actually the true ME. I discovered during the past 90 days that I am a good person, I have several flaws but I`m working my ass off to become better not for others, but for myself. I started working out (I`m not running yet, but I`m not eager for it) and lost 6kg in total. I`m saving up for new clothes and a teeth whitening (lol, I always wanted to do this).
    It is good to take care of yourself. Be a bit zealous with what you got. Be proud of who you are and the most difficult thing is: accept yourself, it will only get better.

    For the next 90 days I will continue to work. I did not count each day from my recover, I tried to focus on other things besides counting, that helped me a lot.
    I won`t promise that I will never PMO, because O is good, P is great and M feels good. But nothing related to PMO came even close to what I`m feeling now.

    So if you are in need of a word of advice, or an incentive to start your journey. Do it.
    It is a path to know yourself, why are you behaving like this and how getting rid of binge pmo can turn your life around.
    IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    THANK YOU NOFAP
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2018
    paul86_, Bananajoe, Ukulele and 24 others like this.
  2. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    Great post!
    I'm still in a relatively early stage of my reboot, still in the often depressed part. I've started feeling a bit better the last couple of days. I know things will take time. What you wrote is motivating.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
  3. Suhail22

    Suhail22 Fapstronaut

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    This story is really inspirational..congrats for your 90 days ! But bro just move on to the next level of 180 days...You will feel more great for sure..
     
  4. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    YES! I Will reach 180, I will keep in this path.
    Thank you!

    Embrace the sadness, the depression. Don't ignore it. It is natural and you will find your passion, your hobbies, your true self. Ask for help and talk to family and friends. You don't need to go in details, just talk and hang out will be helpful.
     
    Freeman82 likes this.
  5. DickMiller45

    DickMiller45 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for posting. I needed this right now! My battle with PMO is just beginning, (or rather, the second wave of my battle, in which I take the initiative and drive this demon back to where it belongs), but I’ve struggled with other lesser addictions in the past. So if I may offer one suggestion, it is to never underestimate the power of addiction. PMO may all be hypothetically ok in itself, but our capacity to lose ourselves to the pull of an easy ‘reward’ is a foe to never lose sight of. I’m not advocating for castration, just putting in a good word for not allowing history to repeat itself. None of us here ever intended to flush our lives down the toilet. You’ve escaped. Stay free. Send postcards.
     
    Nekkhamma likes this.
  6. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut
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    The second paragraph is really important.
    Most male friends of mine have dismissed what I have said about nofap, or even laughed, because our modern Western society (although often superb, in my opinion) seems to think that men 'need' to ejaculate regularly.
    I too have high hopes for the positive results of this thing, and am beginning to experience some of the positives. Alexander may deserve a medal.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  7. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    Right on SirErnest.

    Although our bodies are prepared to ejaculate, we are not obligated to do so several times a day or a week.

    This thought has been constructed throughout the ages with mass sexualized media. We as a society became numb to people, to our partners and our friends. We could only see them as we saw through the media / porn.

    We won't be more manly or less manly if we ejaculate or not.

    I'm not trying to say that O doesn't feel good. We know how it feels like.

    The truth behind O is what drives us to get there. How deep we are connected to someone else in order to achieve O.
    The O should be the result of a connection, of something. It shouldn't be a result of a moment of sadness, depression or a maniac phase.

    The vicious cycle of PMO kills our ability to feel true happiness. We get stuck in a bad mental environment which leads us to feed that monster once we are feeling depressed, angry, frustrated and so on. Real happiness lies outside our comfort zone, in an environment that challenges us to become better as a human, a human that has the ability to choose how we will reward our mind and body and not seeking an easy and destructive path.
     
  8. Alexmike

    Alexmike Fapstronaut

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    Brother, that‘s just awesome what you wrote and i believe you in every word you mentioned, it‘s an Inspriation for me what you have done and i really needed it in Germanh we call it Vorbild,
    Happy to read this that someone passed the journey of nofap and found the improvements and changed his life into better one.
    Any advises you would suggest i‘ll be the happiest ( I had 20 days nofap then relapsed and now on the 5th days of again nofap).
    Any help from you would be a big push for my success.
    Thanks bro
     
  9. ihopewemakeit

    ihopewemakeit Fapstronaut

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    Excellent Post brother. Very interesting at this point in my journey where i am questioning a lot of things and have even trouble getting up from bed due to racing thoughts.
     
  10. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    Hi Alex, I had to google Vorbild, had no idea what it means. Thank you very much. I have a lot of Vorbild in my life right now, not only here at nofapforums but outside the internet as well.
    I guess part of the healing process enables us to feel more and appreciate someone else ability or trace. Right now I am trying to catch a glimpse of quality of whomever I´m talking to, everyone has something unique and positive (even if I don´t like that person in the first place).

    I read a lot about relapsing and I think you might have too. Truth is, relapsing doesn´t reset our inner sense of progress. It doesn´t mean that all that effort was thrown out the window.
    It is also not an excuse to think oh shit I just relapsed but since it doesn´t reset I could do it again - wrong. Relapses have their dangerous side but it is not the end of the road, try seeing them as a hole on the road and you passed with your car over it. If you hit several ones you might damage it. Does it make sense? I hope so.

    The moments that are the most dangerous for me to relapse are the ones that my mind is racing and my body is still. In other words, if you are still, doing nothing and your mind is racing chances are that several thoughts might trigger the need for a hit.

    Move your body, do ANYTHING. I really mean, anything! Yesterday I was feeling kind of shitty and I thought to myself: i should do something. I entered my bathroom to take a shower and noticed that the walls were dirty.

    I washed everything and later on I went to the hardware store to pick up supplies to remake some tiles. It cost me 16 bucks total and my bathroom looks new. Now everytime I go to the bathroom I have the pleasant experience of something I did myself, the house looks nicer and I´m feeling accomplished. That was one day that I moved on from vicious habits and rewarded myself with a positive action.

    One thing that always helps is setting up goals for the next day. So whenever you lie down to sleep, try to think about what you want to do when you wake up. I write notes on my phone, it helps. Google Keep helps too.

    Writing down short term goals enables our brain to keep a better focus on daily tasks and the more you do it, the more automatic stuff gets. For instance, tomorrow I want to bake a bread I saw on facebook. I made a list of ingredients and calculated how much will it cost to bake, 3 bucks total. I´m not saying it will be a good bread, but I´m looking forward to it. OH, I should say something about this too. Having something to look forward to is one of THE best feelings you will have when the brain fog fades away. It connects yourself with the present and the future, it will remind yourself that you planned that. You thought about yourself. You made it happen. That, my friends, is learning!

    So to sum up, relapsing is aggravated by a still body and a racing mind. You have a lot of energy that needs to be channeled. So do it! Small steps, plan ahead and have fun!
     
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  11. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    Hi! Do you have trouble to get out of bed? What time do you go to sleep and what time do you wake up?

    It is important to maintain a sleep schedule. Rest is important for your body but specially for your brain. Do not worry if you will have morning wood or a wet dream. Try planning your day on the night before as I wrote earlier.

    When you wake up, put some music, I do this everyday and it helped me a lot. The second thing that I do is greet my cats (I have two), they are such a good companion, I spend some minutes playing and feeding them and my spirit just lift up.

    Third and most important. Make your bed. There are several videos of people saying that everyone should make their bed (even if you live alone and don´t mind the mess). Making your bed is a task often ignored by most of the people, but in reality it is a simple task that teaches us the need for a constructive routine. It builds our mental strength, our ability to be organized and clean. Change your sheets often, tuck in everything. It will cost you 5 minutes of your morning but it is worth it.

    If you have a shitty day , by the time you get home you will be welcomed at least with a comfortable, clean and well organized bed. It will remind yourself that you put effort in yourself. Sounds miraculous but it is a daily thing. It is very symbolic and a powerful way to motivate you towards the next day.

    In no time you will be applying the same make your bed principle to other areas of your life. Work / school / relationships.

    Does that make sense for you? I hope I could help in some way.

    Best of luck!
     
    DickMiller45 and Praksh like this.
  12. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for this.
     
  13. ihopewemakeit

    ihopewemakeit Fapstronaut

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  14. ihopewemakeit

    ihopewemakeit Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro, Makes a lot of sense. I change my sheets once every 5 days because even at 26 i do not know how to tuck in bed sheets properly.
    Ya, i have been trying my level best to incorporate better sleep habits even hitting the gym for the tiredness, but i just lay awake till 4 am in morning and wake up around 12 or something.
    From the last time i posted i have been feeling better and confidence has seen a upside. Interestingly enough had a wet dream just today morning (afernoon lol).

    Making the bed sounds such a awesome thing to try, I will try incorporating as soon as i hit "Post Reply".
     
    idontwanttoreveal likes this.
  15. FEECEE SKI

    FEECEE SKI Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your great and informative post :) it has def shaped my mindset for the future
     
    idontwanttoreveal likes this.
  16. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    Great story! Much needed when you are at the start of the journey :)
     
    idontwanttoreveal and SirErnest like this.
  17. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    Right now I have no anxiety, but I think I am coming off as an asshole maniac douchebag and people seem to avoid me. Strange, I have no anxiety socially and am kind of mad. It feels so strange since it's been a long time since I haven't been anxious about absolutely everything.
     
  18. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    hi there!

    I understand you. For me anxiety manifested itself in different ways. Trouble sleeping, overeating and drinking more caffeine drinks. Whenever the symptoms weren´t there I got short tempered.
    I also see myself when you describe being an asshole / douchebag. I was a lot like that during a month or so.

    I don´t have a scientific reasoning for that, but for me, I think it is your energy that is built up and you need to channel it somewhere, somehow. Another reasoning is due to your emotional rewiring. We are no longer numb to several situations, and we feel more, the emotions are stronger (happiness, sadness, depression etc).

    Try reaching out for the same people that seem to avoid you. Just chit chat, open up and just be there personally and mentally. I am also struggling dealing with my short temper and talking helped me A LOT. I used to overthink a lot before saying stuff, but since I was also saying stuff due to my short temper I figured out that it could also be used in a positive way. And it is working. Last week my boss gave me a compliment for my posture in a meeting. I fought (in a good way) for some improvements when several people were disagreeing with my opinion.

    Writing this I am also thinking about another reasoning. Maybe we are becoming less afraid of something? Not being afraid frees ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone. I think it is the same fear that blocks us from flirting afraid of being rejected. We see a lot of testimonials about being able to flirt , flirting unconsciously and so on. Either way, every symptom that I developed after beginning nofap is fuel for me to try understanding how my body and mind are working (or not).

    It is amazing and kind of weird because we truly discover how we actually are. We are not masturbating zombies. Although we spent a lot of our lives being that, that is just a representation of our habits and addictions. Our true self emerges as soon as we create the perfect environment to rise. It creates fear obviously, but it is a good one. At least we could see that way.

    Thanks for sharing, I learned a lot from your experience while thinking about it.
     
    paul86_ and horny nerd like this.
  19. idontwanttoreveal

    idontwanttoreveal Fapstronaut

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    Hi there, how did it go?
    Yeah, making our bed is a rewarding and a constructive experience. We need to know how to take care of our home. It is very healthy.
    Question. How do you prepare yourself to sleep? I used to play something on youtube / netflix and I would watch until I got sleepy. Nowadays I just watch something for 10-30 minutes if I have time and I turn everything off. No facebook, instagram, nothing. It is good to gradually disconnect yourself from the virtual world and any kind of entertainment that gives you that dopamine hit. At least until you feel better being off any kind of stimuli. Oh, and you should try setting your alarm earlier (30 min each day). Try sleeping 30 min earlier each day and rework your biological clock. Waking up early (it doesn´t need to be 6 am) is good for your metabolism. You feel like you are getting more from your day (and you are also able to be more productive). Don´t hit the snooze button on life! :))))
     
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  20. ihopewemakeit

    ihopewemakeit Fapstronaut

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    Lol interestingly enough i could only sleep at 6 am yesterday. Tried lucid dreaming hypnosis, deep sleep hynosis nothing seemed to work. I mean my body is fuck all exhausted due to my gym routine but its just that sleep is not there. One of the things i think might be culprit is Meditation. I mean meditate at 12:30 am everyday and i think post that i feel energetic and refreshed. Maybe its time to shift meditation to morning.

    Also bro what i could not understand is what exactly is making the bed. My sheets are tucked in so is my blanket. Its very comfortable. Most of my days due to no class or work i spend in bed. I think i am at loss if what to exactly do with my bed. I cleaned my room heavily and i feel it reflects my mind now( Non cluttered and composed).
     

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