120+ Days......More of what I've learned

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Warren_Beatty, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Warren_Beatty

    Warren_Beatty Fapstronaut

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    So one of my new years resolutions was to do a full year hard mode. Just to see what would happen.......So now Im on day 123 and its been amazing. The gift that keeps on giving, to use a cliche. I've done 90 days before, but this time was different, in that I wanted to try and see what would happen if I was careful about what I allowed to enter my mind, in terms of images, fantasies and narratives. Well it did indeed make a difference. A huge difference in fact, and its opened up a whole new way of being for me, not just with my relationship to sex but my relationship to life in general. Theres a saying in Buddhism and I think its something along the lines of: "Guard the gates to your mind". And this is exactly what I did. This is not about trying to control what thoughts pop into my head, because Im not sure its possible to do that, but instead its about choosing what thoughts I'll latch onto and which ones I let go. Basically anything sexual, I let go. Especially re-runs of old porn scenes I used to rehash over and over in my mind. I was also careful not to stare at women or check them out after they had passed me on the street or where ever. I let them go. They'd enter my field of vision but then pass from it. I wasnt trying to stop myself from noticing women, instead I let them come and go, without trying to hold onto them in anyway.
    Pretty soon I noticed that I felt happier in general. I experienced a sense of inner peace Im sure I hadnt known since I was a kid. I just felt healthier, like something had been cleansed within me. It made the whole NoFap experience a lot easier. Before when I had done 90 days it was tougher because all the while I was continuing to engage in sexual fantasies and all sorts of narratives in my mind. I thought it did no harm so long as I wasnt engaging in actual behavior. But now I see that this was not the case. Thinking is just as bad as acting out. Its like diesel being thrown on a fire. Which is another thing I learned: Sex is never, ever satisfied. It always demands more and more. The more you think about it the more wild that fire becomes and the more it will take to satisfy it. But the notion that it can be satisfied is a trap. I know society as a whole would not go along with that idea. Sex is something thats put on a pedestal, especially female sexuality, which is used to sell pretty much everything. But my experiences during this time have made me question how society portrays sexuality to us all. And you might believe that by not thinking about sex or by not checking people out or by not engaging is certain behaviors, that you would lose something or live a less than fulfilling life.........I wouldve thought this too, until I tried something else. What I found is more happiness and more fulfillment. But what its also done is re-calibrated my sexuality. Because you dont become some sort of A-sexual unic. Your sexuality resets itself to what I believe is its original design, a kind of factory reset. I think I underestimated how much porn had affected my mind and body. It warped my sexuality and perception of sexuality. But this experience has shown me something else which feels nicer and is less self absorbed. I no longer feel like I have to get sex from someone. If it happens, thats ok, but if I dont have sex, thats equally fine. This reset has shown me that real sexuality is not selfish and insatiable, its giving, relaxed and easy going. And you wanna know what the off shoot of all this has been? I couldve had more sex during this time that I'd ever thought possible. Women would approach me and proposition me in all kinds of venues. I declined because I really wanted to see the year out, but it is very interesting that when I had let go of the "need for sex", like truly let it go, that sex came to me very easily. But its not an act, I wasnt trying to manipulate anyone, I really had let it all go. And as corny as it sounds, to me now its more about love than anything else, where as before it was more about satisfying myself.

    So what Im saying is, if youre reading this(and I know its long)take a look at how you use your mind. Do you allow it to be run by fantasies etc and let any old thing get in there? Or are you actively guarding the gates to your mind and are very discerning about what thoughts you attach yourself to? Because there is another way and its worth looking at. This is not about judgement, its about whats good for your body mind and soul and I think if you make conscious decisions about what you allow into your being, then you might start to see changes that will benefit you as opposed to choices that actually destroy who you are. And this stuff is biblical too, because Jesus himself said: "Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.”
     
  2. Couldn't agree anymore man. During my previous streaks I used to fantasize so much because I thought it would be ok. Turns out it was just setting the stepping stones towards my relapse. Now, I am mindful of my thoughts and like you said, not identifying with any sexual thoughts. I see them then I let them go. I am doing this technique for other thoughts and I feel amazing. Cheers on your long successful streak.
     
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  3. 220woof671

    220woof671 Fapstronaut

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    Remarrrkable -- 120 Days of No PMO.

    Congratulations on your success and thanks for the encouraging
    words to guard our minds from junk-filth-stupidity.
     
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  4. Michael Sternig

    Michael Sternig Fapstronaut

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    wow so encouraging thank you very much for sharing! I've never thought about these words of Jesus in that way.
     
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  5. Great to read this. I shall guard the gates!
    Good work man.
     
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  6. kittyintheworld

    kittyintheworld Fapstronaut

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  7. Peter808

    Peter808 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, very encouraging to me.
     
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  8. Thistimeitsfinal

    Thistimeitsfinal Fapstronaut

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    Awesome post that I can relate to strongly! So true, thanks for sharing!
     
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  9. red_fox_27

    red_fox_27 Fapstronaut

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    Can anyone be my accountability partner because i cant get out of this addiction i feel isolated
     
  10. Warren_Beatty

    Warren_Beatty Fapstronaut

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    Hey man you seem to be doing pretty well judging by your tracker numbers. The only thing I'd say to you is what I said above: Be conscious of whats going on in your mind. You have control over what thoughts you latch onto and what ones you let go and its this, I believe, that determines how happy or unhappy you can be. Marcus Aurlieus said that "The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts."
    Feelings of isolation are pretty normal though when you are going through this process. I think feelings of loneliness and isolation are THE main reason why most folks stay stuck in a PMO cycle. The only way out of this is to face those feelings, dont resist them, dont run from them, let them be and accept them. Trust me mate, even if you had the most amazing and beautiful woman in your life right now, those feelings of isolation would still control you. You'd be terrified she'd leave you and when that happens it means you're in an unhealthy relationship. You have to get yourself to a place where you're ok with or without a relationship and theres no fear of being alone because you're squared away with yourself.
     
  11. Warren_Beatty

    Warren_Beatty Fapstronaut

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    Cheers bro. The bible has some profound and insightful things to say about NoFap, believe it or not. It seems that even thousands of years ago we were being warned to be careful when it came to sex and sexuality.
     
  12. vendamone

    vendamone New Fapstronaut

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    long post, but worth reading. Thanks a lot.
     

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