Hi, I hope everything is ok with your life and goals. As the title tells, I'm at last on day 120 of Nofap, and besides telling the benefits and inconveniences about it, I'm here to tell my PMO story and how deep and bad I sank on it. It's hard for me to talk about, but I hope this opens your eyes and could make a little difference in starting NoFap and not to relapse. Porn is the worst thing the human ever created against a happier life. If you wanna know about the things that I've been through, here I give you the link: - 30 DAYS on NoFap: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/nofap-while-lockdown-mental-clarity.285719/ - 100 DAYS on NoFap: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/100-days-of-nofap-seeing-life-different.292121/ Well, with all the things in order, let's begin. I'm nervous. When I was 12 years old, one day I was all alone in my house, and with nothing to do, I turn on the PC and looked for some hot pictures (I don't know why I did it, I think was just for curiosity for that moment), and I felt really strange, but I kept searching. Then, like after half an hour of watching hot chicks, I found a porn video, I clicked on it and I remember I got scared, it was a porn video of a man and a woman with penetration like all the screen, and I closed it. It was like cocaine, I even couldn't sleep well that night, but even though I was choked, there was a light of curiosity. That's how I began to sink into PMO. Firstly, was with "soft porn" (yes, I used to write that because I got scared about seeing a naked man and woman like all the way, so my first videos were like only boobs and not seeing the penetration, just the movement, and moaning). It kept like that for about 1 year, then I got bored, I needed more (you know what I'm talking about, we used to search for a weirder video to supply our needs) and sank into real porn. 6 years I throw to the garbage watching normal porn in porn pages, also Hentai and cartoon porn, because of THE FEELING OF MORE, OF SEARCHING FOR A WEIRDER VIDEO and like that I created some weird new sexual fetishes ( like orgies, monsters, barely legal, cheating and so on). All that between 13 and 18 years old. It was when I was 19 years old that got really deep in PMO and I began to feel that it was a problem with me. I used to masturbate for an hour, with hentai and all that shit, but it didn't give me the sensation and feeling that I wanted, so I started to think about my ex (I was single) and I searched for some pictures of her, masturbated and FELT HORRIBLE, I kept like that for like 3 months, and I didn't even want to go out of my house. I felt like a monster, garbage, I didn't have any self-value and also, my penis felt like a noodle while erection, so I was going into depression. Afterward, imagine what I thought could help me, and yes, I believed even weirder porn could help me. So... this is hard to say and I'm crying writing this, I started to watch hentai and porn of traps and searched for girls who had a boyfriend (yes... pictures with her boyfriends) to be able to have a boner and masturbate. I hope you can put yourself in my shoes and think about how I was feeling. At 19 years old and for about half a year, I masturbated with those things, to be able to have a good boner and feeling "good". I was like a zombie, I knew what I was doing but I didn't care. Always after orgasm, I watched my screen and got scared and sad for all the shit I was putting on my eyes. Most of the time, I used to cry after Orgasm. PMO was the only thing I had to face stress and anxiety, because of the university and the thing that I couldn't talk normally with girls, even in a friendly way. I'm crying and feeling a horrible feeling in my throat writing this, but I know I want to tell you and don't keep it for me, I wanna let it go and finally having a good relationship with myself. KEEP STRONG WITH NoFap, is the best thing you can do for your brain and body, I'm just 4 months, but I already see benefits, and the one I love the most is the self-value. This is changing me, in a good way, and I'm sure it will help you too. Stay aware, keep strong, and please, don't judge me, I'm a nice guy who just wants to have a better life. Thanks for the time to read me and greetings from Colombia.