13 years of struggle

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by EyesfortheHoly, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. EyesfortheHoly

    EyesfortheHoly Fapstronaut

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    I was introduced to porn at the young age of 12 and from that point on became something that I sought after on a regular basis. At the age of 23 I was set free and did not look at porn or masturbate for 3 years, in fact I was completely abstinent from sex altogether. At 26 I was married and obviously was abstinent no longer. Shortly after I was alone with my computer and was tempted with thoughts of pornography. I had never engaged with internet pornography before and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That was 13 years ago. The most time that I have gone without was six weeks but that was about 11 years ago. Now, because I have to work in front of a computer, the most I have gone without is 13 days but I usually give in once or twice a week. I hate the addiction, but I know that part of me loves it, which is why I keep going back. This addiction threatens my marriage, my job, and my fatherhood. I am a father to three wonderful daughters and I do not want this disease to spread to them. I am desperate. This nonsense needs to end. I am encouraged by this website and the possibility that is before me--the end of this disease, finally cutting the head off of Goliath.
     
  2. EyesfortheHoly

    EyesfortheHoly Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! I am excited about the possibility of finally being free of this garbage.
     
  3. thorswrath32

    thorswrath32 Fapstronaut

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    Many of us had our first exposure when we were far too young to understand. I know how it feels to want to stop, yet still keep going back. The first part of dealing with addiction and compulsivity is recognising it is a problem, so you've come that far at least. The next thing is to look for support both on here and in the real world. Talking to people really helps and it will take away some of the shame and secrecy from your behaviour.

    Whilst you still think you can get away with 'just one more peek' your mind will play all kinds of tricks to get that dopamine fix.

    It is possible to stop the desire to view porn. it's been over 4 years for me and i use my PC all the time when at home, not one time since have i been tempted.
     

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