Day 3/14 Time 16:12 I successfully completely abstained and removed myself from the urge. Tonight I woke up from anxiety/anger and it lingered for quite some time. I decided to ground myself by just listening to an audiobook. I didn't have any urges but I did end up in a depressive/self destructive mind spiral which I just needed to get away from. They were clouded, of course, by unrealistic nightmare scenarios that in retrospect were ridiculous but, like most nightmares, this nightmare was referencing some deep seated emotional trauma that I deal with on a daily basis. I think that, with a lack of PMO and my brain existing in a dopamine deprived state it makes it so much worse. It's all just part of the healing process. I've just been outside walking the local forest. Went around and intermittently did pull ups every 15/20 minutes or so. I'm having a yoga session in an hour as well. I think this will center me a bit and provide that natural dopamine that my brain needs so desperately.
Day 4/14 Time 10:58 That urge is itching right now. I'm supposed to work but my mind is drawn sideways. I just need to get out and breath the fresh air. Get some of that sweet sunlight. To do's: 1. Go out for a long walk 2. Lunch 3. Code (1h) 4. Return for an update [UPDATE] I've been outside for that walk and now I'm preparing myself some lunch. The urge is still strong af and I'm at that point where my mind goes "Maybe I should just relapse so that I can start over with new energy". Fuck that. I'm going through with this. I'm going to eat something now and then dedicate myself to listen to my audiobook for two chapters straight. Just chill out. After I have removed my urges a bit more I'll feel better prepared to code.
5/ 14 I had to suffer massive sexual urge yesterday. I could have relapsed, given I curbed my reset previous time to just x3 times. I think I made a mistake by resetting to porn, that might have have oversexualized my brain. I did pray yesterday because nothing I did was helping.
Happens. After relapse, the sexual energy moves to the lower centers of the body. You are more likely to feel sexual impulses. Unless and until it's channeled up the spine from the sexual centers, you will keep experiencing sexual urges
Thanks bro, it's been a real up and down year so far. I managed to put some decent runs together though of late can't seem to reach any higher than 5 days. Need to get my head of the sand.
