NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

14 years of (Hocd)

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Jonathan22, Sep 26, 2018.

  1. Sep 26, 2018 #1
    Jonathan22

    Jonathan22 New Fapstronaut

    2
    1
    3
    Hi I am 28 years old. Don't no who I am no more,14 years of hocd. it feels normal now. I stopped fighting it a few years ago.Im over it I don't care if I'm gay I just need confirmation. Hocd started wen I was 14 I was watching TV I gt a thought in my head (that guy is hot) .my life has never been the same since this 1 thought. It put doubt in my head that doubt turned into obsession. Never been happy, always looking for assurance,Anxiety attacks, depression, loss of attraction, in feria. started to question everything I was doing thinking it was gay. Texting, talking, walking. Before that day I was alpha male, confident, motivated high libido, always had crushes, loved woman the feeling I'd get seeing a hot chick how horny I'd get. Words can't explain this feeling. This feeling is what made me fight hocd all these years, hocd trys to make u forget this feeling, forget ure past, I do this story no justice hocd has made me forget alot, Don't no who I am no more. And I started looking at porn heavy from 11 to 20 until I found out about ybop and hocd. But I never completely stopped or completed a reboot. On dayv30 now
     
    Jonathan22, Sep 26, 2018
    Jonathan22, Sep 26, 2018
    #1
  2. Sep 26, 2018 #2
    the promise

    the promise Fapstronaut

    216
    377
    63
    It happend to me at that age to i thougth i was gay once i guy touch my ass joking and i coulndt belive it that i wasnnt mad that i liked it but then when i started to grow older more things like that happend but i always thougth it was an age faze and it doenst happend to me anylonger wish you find yourself best wishes woever ou are _(not judging)
     
    the promise, Sep 26, 2018
    the promise, Sep 26, 2018
    #2
    Jonathan22 likes this.
  3. Sep 26, 2018 #3
    Supination

    Supination Fapstronaut

    242
    655
    93
    Best advice i can give you is go to a CBT psychotherapist ASAP. They're really experienced with HOCD's. Don't try to deal with this alone!
    2nd Advise, Quit porn. FOREVER. Always remember that porn caused that HOCD. So why would you even come back to P? you've been addicted since 11 years old. so the longer the better. Porn has messed up your brain.
    You will eventually regain your brain back, Don't try to find shortcuts. Accept it that you have HOCD. DO NOT DENY IT! You might not get rid of it, But you can learn how to live with it.
    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2018
    Supination, Sep 26, 2018
    Supination, Sep 26, 2018
    #3
    jest and Jonathan22 like this.
  4. Oct 7, 2018 #4
    jr426

    jr426 Fapstronaut

    25
    11
    3
    Hey man!

    We're the same age with the same problem so I completely understand you and feel for you. You are not alone!

    I've even gone as far hooking up with a gay guy twice. The first time I was completely uncomfortable with the situation and didn't enjoy it. I could not climax or O. I decided to do it a second time to see if I was truly gay and let all inhibitions go. I was much more relaxed but still felt that it was wrong and not what I truly desired. This gave me a peace of mind that my attraction to guys is completely on the superficial level and not sexual.

    I still get turned on from seeing attractive guys in real life but that's due to the gay porn and conditioning my brain to react:
    Attractive guy with a great body -> Gay porn imagery -> masturbation -> orgasm.

    These effects are starting to go away since the start of my NoFap journey but there are days where I'm still struggling with sudden intense urges.

    If you want to connect and talk more, feel free to DM me. It would be great to have a buddy to face this challenge together and find that "confirmation" we are both looking for.

    All the best!
     
    jr426, Oct 7, 2018
    jr426, Oct 7, 2018
    #4
    jest likes this.
  5. Oct 8, 2018 #5
    Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    1,891
    2,374
    143
    My Journal
    Immature, Oct 8, 2018
    Immature, Oct 8, 2018
    #5
    jest likes this.
  6. Oct 30, 2018 #6
    Jonathan22

    Jonathan22 New Fapstronaut

    2
    1
    3
    Hi mate
    Yea hocd really messes u up. When hocd first hit I was just watching normal TV. I didn't find out about hocd till years later. All this time I was watching porn. I would always o at the blow Job part. It's fucked up but after a while I gt an intrusive thought that I wanted to do it. When I'm around guys sometimes this thought pops up doesn't matter what they look like. There's no physical attraction I've never gt an erection to a man. It's just the thoughts. But my attraction to woman is gone it messes me up I'm so far from who I used to be I just don't no who I am no more.
     
    Jonathan22, Oct 30, 2018
    Jonathan22, Oct 30, 2018
    #6
    Immature likes this.

Share This Page