~15 years of intense porn use (28yo)

It's become normal for me to PMO like 4-5 times a day. Sometimes I've PMOed like 30 times a day. I've stayed up >24 hours probably like 30 times. My fetishes are pretty uh-. . lets just say I get a bit of everything. I've become extremely masochistic (femdom fetish) and get off occasionally to hypno, relapse porn, etc. It used to be hypno like every day but at least I dialled that back cause it was started to legitimately terrify me. I get off on being weak, and I literally have a devil my head now. It's my anima - a female voice telling me to get off, talking down to me, telling me how good it'd feel, dirty talking me, etc.

So. . That is where I am at. . I know this is a common question, but I am just asking, uh. . How will reboot go for me? With the rough reboot equation of 2months per year of porn that puts me ~2.5 years. Though I think it might be higher cause I feel like an extreme case. I feel very brain damaged. I struggle to complete any minute task, like- my will power ends at cooking dinner and showering (which I'm grateful is better than some. .) I've been unemployed the whole time and it's co-morbid with videogames, internet, etc. - and recently, food; Which was actually the final straw for me for some reason. Melting my brain into mush with computer is OK but not packing on the pounds apparently. . heh. . . . . .

Oh and if people want to chime in on this detail as well; I ERP as a female herm on roleplay sites, and developed this sort of persona that's hard to let go. I feel miserable as a male and I think it's real dysphoria not just autogynephillia. I don't plan to transition as it would take $100k+ and of course I want to reboot to see if my mind changes.

 

It's quite hard to find a professional on sexology - just not a common thing for people to go into I think. . I will look around for books. . I have talked to mental health people about it a few times before but they say similar stuff like "I am not qualified, talk to a professional, etc." Some will say talk to a MD and then the doctor says they are not qualified, etc. haha. . Either way it doesn't bother me too much as I am too poor to transition and it would require facial reconstruction because I have very masculine face, etc. .

The porn is very strong. I've normalised to very hyper-stimuli. I literally went and PMOed right after posting this. .

I have like 5 free days starting tomorrow which I will start my attempt. I've gone like ~2 weeks or 1 month and I get REALLY manic and irritable and. .

Oh and recently I have started waking up in the middle of the night, usually after like 1 or 2 hours of sleep, getting the urge to PMO. It feels like the addict inside is literally waking me up to PMO. Also I have a habit of PMO right when I wake up. It's pretty bad. . Just like a drug addict in a lot of ways. But I haven't gotten to the point where I will have to sneak off to do it yet. Keeping occupied really helps. Like if I'm with people doing stuff all day I will forget about it. .