150 days - A guide to rebooting and rewiring.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by thel00ker, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Hey guys. I made it to 150 days recently and my posts have been mostly about the benefits of no PMO. But I wanted to make another post about the things that helped me out to get to this point.
    This post is long but I'll try to make it useful by explaining why each thing helped me. I'll also organize it into two sections:
    1st : Understanding and avoiding porn.
    2nd : Rewiring and connecting.
    This way you can just skip ahead to what you're interested in.


    1 - Understanding the problem
    Recognize triggers.
    Be Aware and learn to leave in time
    1d - I got dragged down by the trigger and relapsed by PMO'ing....WHAT NOW??
    Stuff to know about a reboot


    2a “The opposite of addiction in connection”
    Technique for dealing with ED!!
    2h - HOCD or Bisexuality
    2i - THERAPY​

    I understand that this journey is not over yet, and lately because my girlfriend is far away for christmas I've had porn on my mind. So any advice you guys have is welcome!

    Understanding and avoiding porn

    Understanding the problem
    A short summary

    It took time to realize each way porn affected me. Those were painful and regretful realizations and they all started showing up as I tried to stop PMO. With each failed reboot my lack of connection with other people and the distance I felt towards the opposite sex was evident and it felt impossible to fix.
    I locked myself in, because I was very afraid to feel anything or to put my heart at risk. It was better to not feel anything at all than to risk feeling pain.
    I saw many success stories here on Nofap and though they were inspiring they felt impossible. I kept feeling like shit, so I kept trying.
    One day I made it to 60 days, they felt endless. I was feeling actually happy, interested in other people, in sharing my life. But as I was so used to feeling down I used porn to fall back into my small room, my comfort zone.
    After that relapse I thought "What if i'm not able to stop this addiction" and this thought scared the shit out of me. I heard it come out from inside my head like an independant voice, worried about me.

    Porn is not addictive as a substance is. If you look at porn once you won't be an addict.​
    The problem is how we use porn and how it is related to something so important within ourselves. There are a lot of insecurities related to relationships in general. And I can't even start talking about insecurities about sex. That's why at the beginning we use porn to 'practice' but when the real world becomes so threatening and actual relationships became so anxiety producing we fall into porn a little deeper.

    Orgasm is amazing we feel release of tensions and worries. Just like a drug. So when actual problems in my life showed up I felt a strange feeling, hornyness, I felt turned on and in each Orgasm I found comfort and escape from all that surrounded me.
    Puberty and being a teenager is about insecurities and personal problems all which porn seemed to solve. Dragging me deeper and deeper resulting in a 21 year old virgin, with no actual sexual experience with a real woman, confused about my sexuality and with a head completely messed up, clouded and confused about lots of subjects in life.

    PAY ATTENTION Your need for porn is generally related to how you're feeling. If you're feeling anxious, worried, overwhelmed, stuck. You'll automatically start getting horny and therefore think about porn.
    Funilly enough, same thing happened when I was too happy, for me connection was getting out of my comfort zone. And in moments where I was connecting with someone or getting too involved with a girl I felt the need to go back home and PMO.
    ----- !!!!!! The whole idea about leaving porn, and the reason that it is so difficult to leave is that you have to completely rewire this mechanism. With time you'll be able to deal with the anxiety directly and enjoy happiness in its full power.

    1b - TRIGGERS - Awareness
    Apart from being related to emotions and stress porn is mostly related to sexuality in general. Feeding from our most basic instinct, reproduce. That's why, in order to have a successful reboot you need to understand and get away from triggers.
    Triggers work in a very powerful way. They just make you start thinking about porn. It's like pushing a rock down a snowed hill. If you catch it in time you'll be able to stop it. If you just let it go you'll be dragged down with it.
    You'll lose control of your whole experience, up to the point where you can observe yourself taking each step: grabbing the computer with porn loaded up, walking up to the room, closing the door, and masturbating. When you're done you won't be able to understand why you did it again.
    So...be careful with triggers!

    Recognize triggers.
    A trigger can be a webpage, a location, a feeling. For me, feeling a little down, getting home after class, sitting at my computer, opening tumblr was the perfect combination for PMO.

    So now.. each time I'm down I have to be aware that my mind might wander towards porn and try to resolve its issues with it.
    Now when I get home I try to avoid my computer, and If I need to use it I blocked Tumblr, and many other porn webpages. There is just no chance for me to get into one.
    I don't get into the bathroom or my room with my computer either.

    Be Aware and learn to leave in time
    ------ For triggers, being aware is the most important part. Avoid them and most importantly get to know each one. When you feel like your head is starting to crave porn, close the window, lock the phone, and place your body somewhere else where you're safe.
    There is a point of no return that you do not have to reach, but you'll want to play with it. "lets see just one video" "does the work skin in google leads me to porn?"

    Most of the time, specially on the first days, your head will be blank. What else is there to do in life apart from porn?? Actually your whole life. So here is a short list of stuff you could do instead of PMO.

    • Draw
    • Go for a walk
    • Sleep
    • Work out
    • Take a shower / cold shower
    • Read a book or article
    • Take up a hobby - Learn something about that hobby
    • Go to someplace public
    • Cook - Learn to cook
    • Watch a video or movie - specially ted talks
    • Clean your house/room
    • Listen to a whole music album
    • Make a list of goals - read the list.
    • *Underlined means it worked for me!
    Remember these are amazing things that will get you out of the hurry. There are other things you can do that will also help you rewire into a healthier person. Will explain that later.

    1d - I got dragged down by the trigger and relapsed by PMO'ing....WHAT NOW??

    Stuff to know about a reboot
    Relapses are important. They show you how deep you are into the addiction. In each one I learned something different about the addiction and when getting up from a relapse I learned new techniques that I would apply.
    Each relapse gives you new tools to work with. To know yourself and how to avoid falling back into porn again.

    It is very likely that you will fail, and fall through one of those triggers. This is completely normal, Using porn is a problem though, so keep you head focused in achieving a great reboot.

    get up and try again. Don't let days go by and use those for more porn. Just start a new reboot immediately. The moment you finish PMO'ing , some timer is counting your minutes without porn.

    ----This will help in shortening the amout of time you take to achieve that final reboot. because relapse after relapse you'll start getting tired of the process and feel the need to finally succeed.
    Every day without porn helps to become the best version of yourself. So if you made it to 15 days and relapsed, those days were not wasted, You're closer to that final reboot.

    I'm very used to instant gratification, so I wanted to reach a certain number of days quick! so that's when I'll feel better right???

    The truth is that reaching 100 days does not mean you'll be better. You'll be better if you actually make an effort to improve yourself and to straighten up your life. Leaving porn has to come with a lot of work on yourself, specially in how you interact and relate to other people.
    Remember this is a long term goal a lifelong goal actually. So it will take time and specially patience to reach your objective. Set up a day counter, but forget about counting days, its all about yourself and how you relate and interact with the world and specially the people around you. Counting days means nothing if you don't work on that relationship between you and the world.

    If you're a porn addict then you're probably worried about a number of things in your life. Sometimes we think porn is just one more problem you have to solve and we mix up which one should go first.
    The reality is that porn messes up with your head in a major way. Distorting your perception of your own problems and taking a toll in your energy. your problems are a part of a big mess, which is imposible to work around. If you have a series of problems you have to solve in your life then there is only one way forward.
    Leave porn first, fix the rest of your problems later.
    After some good days of rebooting your head will start clearing up, your problems and issues will loose most of their intricacy to solve them. You'll be able to plan ahead and face each problem individually and specially feel less anxious altogether about what you need to solve.
    The 1% rule:
    Maybe you know it, maybe you don't, but it helps.
    Sometimes you feel a complete lack of motivation. Or maybe you are working on yourself and feel like you don't make any progress. Maybe you felt great for 3 days in a row and now you're feeling like shit again, and you don't know why!
    Well remember this:
    "it's 1% every day" What this means is that you have to make an effort every day, sometimes is a big gesture (working out) other times is just something small (reading 3 pages of a book) The point is...do something to be better. And if you fail to do so, don't punish yourself about it, you'll do something for yourself tomorrow.

    Keep your objectives clear and at hand.
    Make a small list of things you would like to achieve.
    NO PMO is always the first line. but after that you can let your imagination run wild.
    Remember these are long and short term objectives, but if you start failing at them, just take your time to refocus yourself and slowly improve. These are just for yourself.

    Remember! your objectives need to be positive!
    Writing :
    "Being suportive to my friends"
    instead of:
    "Don't leave my friends behind!"

    You can divide your list in many ways but this is an example:
    • NO PMO
    • Physique
    • Work out x times a week
    • Reach 85kg (I'm tall and skinny)
    • Eat x meals a day.
    • Be healthy
    • Mind
    • Have a quiet and peacefull mind
    • Be ok with who I am
    • Meditate once a day
    • Friends
    • Always welcome friends to my house.
    • Talk to a friend at least once a day.
    • Become a friendly and helpful person.
    • Visit a friend x times a week.
    • Always try to encourage and support my friends
    • Relationships
    • Have healthy relationships with people I enjoy spending time with.
    • Be interested in knowing new people
    • Be interested in showing who I am and What I like to do
    • Family
    • Try to present and in contact with my family
    • Call my parents or relatives x times a week.
    • Be supportive of my own family.
    • Talk positively about my family and relatives.
    • Work
    • Try to be interested and motivated about my work
    • Maintain a good envairoment on my work place
    • Help other colegues if they need my support or help
    • Study
    • Spirit
    • etc
    The idea is to describe and aim towards the person you would like to become. If you do not "call your friend x times a week" it's ok. The objective of the list is to keep you headed towards something, not to punish you in case you fail.
    Be careful, crowding the list might feel overwhelming. So take it easy and don't write down imposible objectives. "Be an astronaut by next year".


    2a “The opposite of addiction in connection”
    I must have heard this phrase 1000 times, it took ages until I understood it, and even though it sounds simple, there is a huge distance between being a porn addict and actually connecting with someone else.

    Connecting with other people is the most important factor in a recovery. As humans we were made for interacting with each other constantly but as porn takes control, this connection, especially in intimate or deep relationships fails to happen.

    In my case, I was very scared of letting anyone into my life. Scared of being hurt or abandoned. Porn in a way, made sure I was never exposed to any danger. I could be “safe” forever.

    Of course I had relationships with people, family and friends have always been a very important part of my life. But I lacked intimate connection with someone from the opposite sex. All my real experience was almost nonexistent or through a screen. Part of my addiction was related to chatrooms and skype, where I could interact with other people, be sexual and at the same time risk nothing. If I was rejected, all I had to do was to close the tab.

    I thought my only problem was my lack of sexual activity and I imagined that If I could have sex with someone, I would finally be “normal”. Actually, my head was completely focused on sex and fueled by porn. My idea about sex or what a real relationship was about was heavily distorted.

    Switching from a complete lack of compromise towards involving myself intimately with someone else seemed impossible, but thanks to the reboot I found that it’s actually a very natural process that needs no real conscious effort.

    It’s simply about just showing up and letting your body and mind experience reality and interactions with real people. This process also takes time, specially patience.

    Erase "what I should be doing" thoughts.
    Forget about sex, your sex life, the sex you want to have, your future girlfriend, masturbation, orgasm, etc. For at least 30-60 days. Just let your mind heal on its own.
    In my case, this method helped me a lot because I stopped being anxious about my lack of sex and relationships. My thoughts would be something like:

    -"Shouldn't you be hitting on this girl?"
    -"Does this girl turn you on?? Why aren't you turned on???"
    -"What should I say??"

    If you postpone your sex life for a definite amount of time it will relax you on each interaction. There are no social obligations. Just yourself talking without any hidden purpose. This will allow you to show a more real aspect of your personality, one that it's not pressured by "what you should be doing".
    Not having to "perform" sexually in any way for some time will allow your actual sex life and preferences to come out. In time, you'll just be interested in talking to a girl and you will, just because you want to.

    Anxiety usually comes with lack of experience and a need to perform. If you remove the need to perform then you can show a very relaxed version of yourself that is OK with having no experience because there is no actual goal in your mind. Just to go through the moment.

    This applies to a lot of things.
    When going out with friends for example, I used to have a lot of preconceptions about what I should be doing and this crowded my head with thoughts.
    "Should I hit on that girl?"
    "Am I having fun?"
    "should I be getting drunk?"
    etc etc
    Just go out with the objective of having fun with friends. Enjoy yourself, your body, dance. Don't pressure yourself but most importantly: Show up and experience.
    At least this is what I tell myself haha

    If you're experiencing a flatline, where your sexual interest and physical feelings just vanish it's a good opportunity to forget about sex altogether and just focus on improving your connection with other people. Make friends, talk to people you're interested in without the need for an objective.​

    Remember, it's about connection.
    I had no experience actually deeply connecting with people. So I started learning from people around me.
    Spending time with people that actually share their lives to some extent, that laugh eat and relax together was extremely important to me. Being single and sharing time with another couple might seem like torture. But I actually used the time to observe how healthy relationships work and function. Information that I definitely couldn't get out of porn videos.
    Spending time with other couples gave me a great direction to aim at. I could see the benefits and pleasure of simply relaxing with someone you like and spending time with. Sex was most of the time something secondary in the relationship.

    As the reboot progresses and your mind recuperates aim your whole person towards something real, something that you actually experienced and liked in the real world.

    One of the most troubling thoughts that I had was:
    -"How are you connect with someone if you don't find anyone you actually like"

    Don't get me wrong I had tons of friends and loved my family members. But very few times I found someone I really had a connection with. I would always be with people, specially in university, which I didn't really enjoy spending time with. Even though they were fun, there was something missing and I couldn't tell what.

    As the days of the reboot went by I started feeling more comfortable with myself, especially with my preferences, my tastes, the things that I loved and didn't love. This meant I was also less afraid to show to other people what I liked doing.
    Being vocal, proud and passionate about the things that I love, in my case photography, brought me closer to a lot of people that shared my interests.

    Being passionate and unafraid feels amazing and it's like a magnet that actually attracts a lot of people towards yourself. People that you'll be interested in talking with, because they just share the same things.

    When I think about people I admire, the common quality between them is passion towards what they enjoy doing. No matter what it is.

    Be proud about what you love doing and don't be afraid to show it. Trust yourself and be confident. This will attract people that is similar to you. It's not about sharing exact interests. It's about finding passionate people that enjoy life and want to share it.

    Of course this is not magic, and surely you'll find people that do not share your interests or it's different to you in important ways. Just keep looking and be proactive in finding people you enjoy spending time with. It's fundamental for each reboot.

    At the beginning of the year I became friends with an artist a little older than me, he showed me his work and I thought it was very interested. I showed him my own work and we both talked about it for a long time. It was beautiful to share my passion with someone that would appreciate it. Later he introduced me to some of his friends and girlfriend. We became really good friends, all through showing interest towards others and sharing my passions.

    Anxiety is one of the most difficult aspects about a reboot. In the body anxiety works by alerting you when you are encountered with a situation you don't have any experience with or when you're in danger.
    Exposing myself to intimacy for example, having to study for finals, having to hit on a girl were some of the things that gave me a lot of anxiety and which drove me back to porn for comfort.
    Being aware of our anxious states is very important, you can feel it in your body or sometimes in a crowded chain of thoughts. Anyways it's vitally important to learn how to deal with it. Not just for porn addiction but for life itself.

    Meditation helps quiet the mind of unnecessary thoughts and feelings while giving you some good peace of mind. There are lots of apps about meditation and tons of videos on youtube.
    Understanding that my thoughts do not define me was very liberating and I could let go of a lot of pressure set upon myself, by myself.
    Simply observing my breath throughout the day helps wonders in calming my head down when anxiety starts increasing.
    It's a subject worth exploring given the fact that most of us here have a busy mind.

    Physical activity:
    Exercising is amazing, I discovered physical activity very late in life and fell in love with it. It's similar to meditation in terms of how it affects the mind.
    Right after a workout you'll feel a strange relaxed state, where thoughts are not present. Exercise is proved to make you happier and of course healthier.
    Being fit is a beautiful goal to have in life, it makes you feel more comfortable with your own body and it feels amazing.
    It's important to set long term goals and to stick to a routine that helps you get there.
    If you do not have a clear goal in your life yet, getting fit is one of the best choices. Giving you a healthy base from where to face life from.

    Show Up:
    This is probably the hardest but also the most important point about anxiety.
    Showing up and facing the situation that produces anxiety is the best way to actually get rid of it.
    You won't get rid of anxiety by convincing yourself that you shouldn't have it. It will creep out on you immediately. The moment you outsmart anxiety, anxiety will outsmart you. That's why you should not try to fight it mentally.
    Anxiety is a response to danger, but most of the time this danger is not real, or made up in our heads. Until you face your fear and realize there is no real reason to be afraid you'll keep being anxious.

    Example: I was about to date a girl and I was very afraid of my whole performance, both on the date and on the sex (if there was going to be any). I thought about not going and was feeling very scared of the whole thing.
    I just went and told myself that I was simply going to experience everything. If something bad happened I trusted myself to be able to resolve the situation.
    I ended up having a great time, none of my fears came true. My head was preparing me for the very worst, making me feel very anxious about a situation that was almost imposible.
    When anxiety is present, Show up.

    In my case these two problems are 100% related to anxiety. These are a work in progress that I'm still trying to resolve. I made a lot of progress though.

    First of all understand that there is no actual physical condition you have that makes you have ED or DE. It's all psychological. If you're in your 20's 30's it's difficult for you to have real problems. Check with a doctor. In my case I realized that my erections were directly related to being nervous or having performance anxiety so I knew I could rule out something physical. If you are relaxed and motivated you will have an erection.

    Understand that anxiety it's what's causing this condition. If you get rid of anxiety you'll get rid of the problem. Easier said than done tough.
    These are some of the thoughts that may cross your mind:
    -"an erection is needed but I'm not having any"
    -"am I excited? shouldn't I be excited about this???"
    -"She can tell!! she can tell something is wrong!"
    -"is this turning me on? and this??"

    Relax. There is a way to solve it.
    First things to know about performance anxiety:
    • It is not a performance at all. You're just there to have a good time.
    • Sex is about getting turned on and enjoying each other, so pay attention to what you like and what she likes. Get to know what turns you on. Remember!! There is a difference between porn and real life so be aware, your tastes may change.
    I realized that the more I knew about ED, getting rid of it was increasingly difficult. If one day I got rid of performance anxiety by telling myself it wasn't a performance, the same advice would not work on the next day.

    Best technique I found for ED and DE (performance anxiety)
    What you'll need:
    • A pencil
    • Yourself
    • Something to pay attention to (TV, youtube video, nature)
    1. Start paying attention to something for example watching a movie.
    2. Start hitting yourself in the head with the pencil with a certain frequency.
    3. Make an effort to focus on the movie and try to ignore the pencil.
    4. Maintain this for some good time

    The idea is that you can associate the anxiety with the physical sensation of the pencil. The girl in front of you would be the movie. This way the next time your thoughts start acting up you can just pretend like they're the pencil on your head and make you relax in a much more efficient and successful way.
    I know it sounds strange but if you do it regularly the anxiety producing thoughts will lose most of its power.

    HOCD or Bisexuality
    For me porn use escalated into watching gay porn, which as the time was extremely confusing and it got me horrible anxiety situations where I doubted my whole sexual orientation. I had never identified as gay so it was surprising for me.
    I was attracted to the men I wanted to be like, I doubted myself and my orientation a lot and at one point I just defined myself as bisexual even though I never had an actual encounter with a man. This relaxed me and I told myself that if I ever found a guy that I actually loved of found real interest in I would be true to my feelings. It's strange though, the more time I spend away from the computer i'm less attracted to men in general.


    For me therapy was what got me here. I talked about my porn issue from day 0 and I set myself to fix all that was causing anxiety in my life. It helped me separate each problem into different categories and attack each one individually.
    The main reason I think i achieved this 150 day milestone is because I set myself to fix my problems and not just to avoid porn.
    I recomend it to anyone that need support in this fight.

    Nofap.com gave me motivation, encouragement, friends and support when I needed it most. This page is an amazing phenomenon and I'm always surprised by the amazing people I find here every day. We are all valuable and deserve amazing lives and the fact that we're fighting this together gives me incredible hope and strength to keep fighting this fight in the days to go.
    Instead of writing down porn websites I just write Nofap.com
    To the people that support this page, to it's members, to it's staff and to all the people that supported me through all this years..THANK YOU!
    I still have a long way to go on this journey, I'll stay here till the end.​


    I really hope this is useful to someone, I realized many successful stories are motivating but do not offer actual advice. And given this must be the most read section of NoFap I wanted to contribute in a way that can be useful to someone starting out.
    If anyone has any advice that you think is valuable please comment down below!!!
    Wish you all the best and keep fighting!
    This is surely my longest post, thanks for reading!


    Last edited: Dec 29, 2017
  2. Man you are amazing!!!
    You absolutely gave me inspiration to keep going with all of that great tips!!
    Ive been abstaining from p two months now, but not from mo,
    So I decided to go on a hard mode
    And im on day 10 no PMO!
    I would keep pushing to get to that stage when i wont count days anymore and just live the life and be happy
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Hey man! yeah abstaining from mo during the first month or so will surely be beneficial for your reboot!
    You're about to reach 15 days! focus on rewiring with people! good luck man!
  4. cloudymood

    cloudymood Fapstronaut

    Damn thank you, i relate a lot to this and did'nt really know how to formulate it properly !
    Nice post anyway, I hope i will be able to actually use some of these tips
  5. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Thanks man! haha yeah I like to have my own head in order, I'm glad it helped!
    congrats on those 72 days! it's an amazing score! good luck!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Shaque118

    Shaque118 Fapstronaut

    Your post is one that I will constantly come back to for help. Thank you for sharing it!

    You should submit the one section about connection in the loneliness section.
  7. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Hey man! keep the reboot going and I promise you that you will start connecting to the things you love in ways you never expected before. That will also allow you to recognize people with the same characteristics around you.
    Your 7 day milestone is 5 days ahead! keep going and although the first days are the roughest just focus on the rewiring part and you'll make it.
    Spend time with healthy and amazing people, life will start feeling amazing!
    good luck!
    cloudymood likes this.
  8. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Hey man! thanks for the support!
    I'll consider that! I feel like the whole post is connected between itself and if I take it apart it will lose sense. but maybe I can work something out! thanks for the comment!
    good luck!
    Shaque118 likes this.
  9. mydayoff

    mydayoff Fapstronaut

    Awesome buddy, thanks for this
  10. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Thanks man! glad it helped
  11. Excellent post! Congratulations on your success!
    Thanks kindly for sharing your journey with us.
  12. awimbawe

    awimbawe Fapstronaut

    Wow, your thread surely is the guide for everyone here in NoFap, especially the new ones like me. It explains literally everything about fighting PMOs, and getting back to the right path in life. I'm so grateful for people like you, and everyone especially who shared their success stories to inspire others so they can have a life worth living for other than PMOs. Thank you so so much, dude. You really deserves my respect!
  13. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    thanks for the support! It's my pleasure!

    Thanks a lot man, I'm really glad you appreciate this! I always read other success stories and advice here on nofap and I'm very grateful to those amazing people too.
    I made it this far thanks to them and I feel like I have to give back to this amazing community. Wish you the best on this reboot, have patience the improvements will come when you least expect them!

    Thanks man! glad you liked it!
    awimbawe likes this.
  14. Hossam of Egypt

    Hossam of Egypt Fapstronaut

  15. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    I'm glad I could help
  16. Nice man, this is very helpful, especially for newcomers. Covers a lot of ground. Excellent post!
  17. ChainBreaker

    ChainBreaker Fapstronaut

    Thank you, this is a great post.
  18. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

    Thanks! glad it could help!

    Thanks man!

    thanks you!

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