I’ll try and come back at some point and explain the story more fully, but basically explaining everything to my ex girlfriend shocked me into not wanting anything to do with porn ever again. I know there’s always some risk of relapse, but this feels sustainable. I still lost the girl. Under other circumstances she would have forgiven the porn use, and maybe even the acting out with other girls after we broke up, but she had already met someone else. I harbor hope still that maybe in a couple years when I’ve changed and worked and continued to improve, we’ll both be ready to revisit our relationship and maybe try it out again, but that’s not what she thinks. She says we’re done forever. So it also could be that that’s that. I’m absolutely heartbroken. After all that, I recognize that I’m free in a profound way. I’ve been able to get so much done over the last few months that otherwise would have frustrated me or I would have not been able to get my brain to commit to, and that’s huge. There’s more to do than I have time for, but I’m making progress. I’m glad I got clean but I’m really sad about what it took to get here. 159 days and counting.