My Porn and Masturbation Addiction Journal:
Why am I addicted to something like porn or masturbating? I'm not quite sure myself, but I was a late bloomer in terms of discovering masturbation. I started when I was almost 17 and felt proud and happy that I was finally able to accomplish masturbation since it was always talked about, joked about, etc. It wasn't that I had trouble masturbating, I just never truly tried and thought the act was weird to do. After I discovered it I did it almost every day, sometimes twice daily. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back this was the start of my addiction. Over time I went several months (2-3) months of daily masturbation with a jerk off a style that was unrealistic for actual intercourse that has now resulted in my brain and body having trouble staying hard during actual intercourse. This caused a lot of grief and pain with a certain someone, and to you, I apologize deep within my heart. I am weak, stupid and have no self-control and I accept that. The material I used to fap to slowly got worse and viler, causing my dependence and alienation from reality to spiral out of control! Today I am writing this on September 3'rd 2017, today I relapsed after two days (longest I've gone is 5 days). Sometimes I cry because of the pain porn has brought into my life, I punch myself after relapsing because I know what I just did is wrong. I want to quit, I have for so very long! My brain's addictive part is strong, anything that can cause addiction is very strong on my brain, I've realized this with other things such as marijuana (stopped that). As of now, I have set up passwords, hidden them, etc. but I exploit the loop holes even when I know it is wrong. Today I watched a rape video (not real of course) and afterward punched and put a hole in my wall, today I am done. I am declaring war on my brain because that is what it is. Body vs Brain, and I don't plan to lose any longer. I haven't talked to others about my problem, I have no allies in my struggle, so here I am. I ask you, the fellow addict, the successor, the hater, the hero, the stranger across the screen to lend me a hand in this war. My name is Lucas, and after a total of 7 months of porn addiction, broken relationships and holes in the walls I am done, but I won't help so I am here posting my journal. Thank you for all your support!
- Lucas S.
September 3 2017: Approx 11:00 P.M
- I relapsed after two days on a fake rap niche video and today I took a good look at myself and what this addiction has done. So I have put my foot down, hopefully, with the weight of all, you guy's a top too. Today on September 3'rd I am quitting from porn, masturbation, orgasm, etc. I want and will get back my old life, so this journal and you guys will be my anchor to my will to end this addiction for once and for all!
September 4 2017 Approx 10:50 P.M (Day 1)
- Today is the day one done, I know I shouldn't be too happy or amazed since it IS day one, but today was memorial day and the family came over which helped me be distracted and happy the whole of the day. I seem to have a small issue whenever I think of my NoFap vow I kinda remember the videos I recently PMO'd to, but I know with time and distraction that'll go away! I'm still very determined, I want this to over already, but I know I have a tough road ahead of me. Usually, I am told that the first later week into the second is the most difficult, so I am a bit nervous. The main thing, however, that is giving such a "don't fucking do it!" mindset is that besides this addiction life is great! I would consider myself above average in looks, body, smarts, etc. I just know that after I conquer this damn thing once and for all I will truly be happy and healthy in life both mentally and physically. So far remembering and updating this journal while it reminds me subtly of porn, it helps bring a red flag in my head and I simply come back here and read my past entries. Anyone who wants the suggestion to help stop PMO addiction I would highly recommend a journal! Thanks for reading, and day one DOWN!
Difficulty: 2
September 5 2017 Approx 9:20 P.M (Day 2)
Day 2 down baby! Won't lie I had a great day, the school was chill, went fishing, talking to an ex (the one I mentioned I caused hurt). I'm happy to say at the very LEAST we can talk to each other and be friends like we were before! I won't lie one major cause of our breakup was my PMO addiction and doing this is partially for her. I caused her a lot of grief in our time together so I owe her to get rid of this damn addiction. Today wasn't very hard, in fact I already feel great. Talked to this absolutely gorgeous girl at school, planning shit with friends, easy senior year so far! I know I have to prepare for the up coming days because I know they are the hardest. I am READY, PMO ain't got shit on me boy! I truly do see the benefits of getting rid of PMO so I can't wait to see the new me a month or two from now! Thanks again for reading, peace!
Difficulty: 1/2
Why am I addicted to something like porn or masturbating? I'm not quite sure myself, but I was a late bloomer in terms of discovering masturbation. I started when I was almost 17 and felt proud and happy that I was finally able to accomplish masturbation since it was always talked about, joked about, etc. It wasn't that I had trouble masturbating, I just never truly tried and thought the act was weird to do. After I discovered it I did it almost every day, sometimes twice daily. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back this was the start of my addiction. Over time I went several months (2-3) months of daily masturbation with a jerk off a style that was unrealistic for actual intercourse that has now resulted in my brain and body having trouble staying hard during actual intercourse. This caused a lot of grief and pain with a certain someone, and to you, I apologize deep within my heart. I am weak, stupid and have no self-control and I accept that. The material I used to fap to slowly got worse and viler, causing my dependence and alienation from reality to spiral out of control! Today I am writing this on September 3'rd 2017, today I relapsed after two days (longest I've gone is 5 days). Sometimes I cry because of the pain porn has brought into my life, I punch myself after relapsing because I know what I just did is wrong. I want to quit, I have for so very long! My brain's addictive part is strong, anything that can cause addiction is very strong on my brain, I've realized this with other things such as marijuana (stopped that). As of now, I have set up passwords, hidden them, etc. but I exploit the loop holes even when I know it is wrong. Today I watched a rape video (not real of course) and afterward punched and put a hole in my wall, today I am done. I am declaring war on my brain because that is what it is. Body vs Brain, and I don't plan to lose any longer. I haven't talked to others about my problem, I have no allies in my struggle, so here I am. I ask you, the fellow addict, the successor, the hater, the hero, the stranger across the screen to lend me a hand in this war. My name is Lucas, and after a total of 7 months of porn addiction, broken relationships and holes in the walls I am done, but I won't help so I am here posting my journal. Thank you for all your support!
- Lucas S.
September 3 2017: Approx 11:00 P.M
- I relapsed after two days on a fake rap niche video and today I took a good look at myself and what this addiction has done. So I have put my foot down, hopefully, with the weight of all, you guy's a top too. Today on September 3'rd I am quitting from porn, masturbation, orgasm, etc. I want and will get back my old life, so this journal and you guys will be my anchor to my will to end this addiction for once and for all!
September 4 2017 Approx 10:50 P.M (Day 1)
- Today is the day one done, I know I shouldn't be too happy or amazed since it IS day one, but today was memorial day and the family came over which helped me be distracted and happy the whole of the day. I seem to have a small issue whenever I think of my NoFap vow I kinda remember the videos I recently PMO'd to, but I know with time and distraction that'll go away! I'm still very determined, I want this to over already, but I know I have a tough road ahead of me. Usually, I am told that the first later week into the second is the most difficult, so I am a bit nervous. The main thing, however, that is giving such a "don't fucking do it!" mindset is that besides this addiction life is great! I would consider myself above average in looks, body, smarts, etc. I just know that after I conquer this damn thing once and for all I will truly be happy and healthy in life both mentally and physically. So far remembering and updating this journal while it reminds me subtly of porn, it helps bring a red flag in my head and I simply come back here and read my past entries. Anyone who wants the suggestion to help stop PMO addiction I would highly recommend a journal! Thanks for reading, and day one DOWN!
Difficulty: 2
September 5 2017 Approx 9:20 P.M (Day 2)
Day 2 down baby! Won't lie I had a great day, the school was chill, went fishing, talking to an ex (the one I mentioned I caused hurt). I'm happy to say at the very LEAST we can talk to each other and be friends like we were before! I won't lie one major cause of our breakup was my PMO addiction and doing this is partially for her. I caused her a lot of grief in our time together so I owe her to get rid of this damn addiction. Today wasn't very hard, in fact I already feel great. Talked to this absolutely gorgeous girl at school, planning shit with friends, easy senior year so far! I know I have to prepare for the up coming days because I know they are the hardest. I am READY, PMO ain't got shit on me boy! I truly do see the benefits of getting rid of PMO so I can't wait to see the new me a month or two from now! Thanks again for reading, peace!
Difficulty: 1/2
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