17 months PMO free and Day of Atonement

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by fercho29, Oct 12, 2016.

  1. Today is my 17 th. Month since I started my reboot on May 12th. 2015.
    Every new month makes me feel good and more comfortable with the idea that the addiction is part of my history.
    Today is a special day, because it is the Day of Atonement for the Jewish tradition.
    In this day we fast 26 hours, go to pray to the synagogue and we reflect on all the things we did during the last year, the good ones and the bad ones.
    We ask for forgiveness for our sins and to be included in the book of the people that will live during next year, instead of those who will die.
    Why is so important this year for me? I was thinking how different I feel this year compared to so many previous Days of Atonement in the past.
    I used to pray God to help me overcome my addiction to porn, hook ups and male escorts. I was completely out of control, could not stop PMOing not even this day.
    I was slave of my lowest instincts. I did so many things I am ashamed of, like being unfaithful to my wife, cheating on her with so many guys, lying to her all the time, losing my time with the addiction ( hours and hours) instead of spending more time with my kids ( who now are grown ups and they do not live with us any more).
    So I came back this year to thank God for having given me the strength, after 41 years, to combat and win over this disease.
    I am ashamed of so many shit I did, I wish things would have been different. I will use the rest of my years on Earth to compensate all the bad things I did. But cannot stay crying over this so much. I want to move forward in life, stay here to help as many Fapstronauts I can, and keep being a better man every day.
    Keep on fighting
    Fercho
     
  2. Andyst343

    Andyst343 Fapstronaut

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    17 months wow! congratulations to you. you must feel like a complete different person.
     
    fercho29 likes this.
  3. goldstein

    goldstein Fapstronaut

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    my friend!!! thanks for everything. you are a role model for all of us in this forum. thanks again for your support.
     
    fercho29 likes this.
  4. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    I'm so happy for you that you reached this far :)

    The regrets that burden you are unknown to me yet I feel for you. I suppose you've tried to make up to your kids for the time you didn't spend with them? It's never too late. They might not be able to understand how you've come around but if they don't hold any grudge you might be able to transform what's been into something new, fresh and fruitful? I hope you will find peace on that matter, especially after all the effort you've put into setting a deep-rooted addiction out of your life, which is no small achievement!
     
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  5. Yes @Andyst343 , I feel that all gen shit I did was not me. I cannot recognize my self in these behavior . The addiction gets fog to our brain and makes us do things that we would never do "sober".
    Fercho
     
  6. badeae1

    badeae1 Fapstronaut

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    Wow. Remarkable what strength human beings have inside unbeknownst to themselves. Your story is incredible from one extreme to the other, truly shows that nothing is impossible. Inspirational stuff... stay strong man. Don't ever let those negative thoughts win. You have been granted a second chance at life. take hold and never let go.

    Stay clean
     
    fercho29 and goldstein like this.
  7. Thank you @goldstein , you are the best AP I could have got
     
  8. Thank you @badeae1 for your support , I am glad my story has inspired you
     
  9. Thank you for the encouraging words @TheFutureMe . It is great to have been clean so much time, but still the addiction haunt me some days. I had a strong argument with my wife yesterday which eventually (almost always) lead her to mention my addiction and how hard is for her to accept that she lived so many years with an addict, not even knowing it. Although I can tell her that I feel strong and a "recovered addict", she still feels that it is unfair and I betrayed her for not mentioning this long time ago. And this is without she even knowing that I was not only addicted to porn, but also to hook up and male escorts!!! If she knew that she would have kicked me out from our house, for sure!
    Anyway, I know that I will need to pay fro my mistakes for several years, and hopefully some day she will 100% forgive me. I cannot blame her (although I get very upset about this arguments)
    Fercho
     
  10. Some days I feel better than others. I had a strong argument with my wife yesterday and very soon the topic of my addiction reappears in the discussion. She says that she feels betrayed , living 25 years with a guy who was hiding part of his personality, lying, deceiving her, etc.
    I told her that I changed a lot during these last 17 months, and that it is much better to be a "recovered addict" ( as I consider myself ) and I am working every day to be a better husband and compensate her for all my mistakes.
    But it seems that life is not that easy. I understand her: she feels betrayed and it will take time to regain her trust. I feel disappointed, because I thought that our relationship will get fixed automatically, but I can understand how she feels and I need to be patient.
    I hope that sooner or later this wounds will heal. In the meantime, I need to accept that i screwed up big time, and I need to pay for the consequences of my acts.
    Let's keep fighting
    Fercho
     
  11. Kabbalist

    Kabbalist New Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy to read this! This Yom Kippur I decided i wont do it again and i just rebooted, but im in for a new life. Some time ago i didn't m a while year but now it's hard. Your post gives me strength. Keep going!
     
  12. Garlon23

    Garlon23 Fapstronaut

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    I was in the same situation as you I was constantly PMO since the age of 12 it ruined my life killed my willpower & made me end spending my money on random hook ups with escorts when I finally got a gf she ended up finding out about this lifestyle & cheating on me I lost a good girl & nearly ended up dying from stds with escorts its been a month & a half since I've PMOd your story give me so much motivation thank you
     
    Awakeatlast likes this.
  13. I agree @Sruff , we think that they need to adapt to our new "condition" fast and move forward. We have been selfish during our addiction, when we preferred to have sex with our hand instead of with her, and we are being selfish now wishing that she forgets everything wrong we have done and start having sex as if nothing happened.
    We have a long way in front until we get to a "new normal"
    Congratulations for your 191 days
    Fercho
     
  14. Happy that my story motivates you.
    Life is shit some times and you did stupid things. But do not ruin the rest of your life crying about the past.
    You me to focus in your reboot now and you will attract some other girls in the future, when your reboot is giving the first results
    Fercho
     
  15. One day at a time @Kabbalist . Every day is a new day to start ( or continue)'the fight against PMO
    Fercho
     
  16. Phoenix11

    Phoenix11 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your note Fercho. It's honest and brave. Well done with the achievement. I'm on day 5 and I hope I can get to 30 days. Your story has inspired me
     
    fercho29 likes this.
  17. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    Fercho, your story has really blessed my day.
    I'm newer to all of this, and, even though I am older, thankfully, I have not had to come so far from such a start. Sadly, I do not have 500+ days of freedom.
    Growth takes time for us, and for our spouses, too bad we sometimes seem to be so out of step. Maybe that is how the Almighty uses us to have patience, to recognize their needs, and to help one another. IAm doing this for me and for her.
     
    fercho29 likes this.
  18. Thank you for your kind words @Slebars48 . I am glad my post gave you some inspiration.
    You are right , we need now to think more about the persons who surround us and have suffered the consequences of living with an addict for so many years.
    The addiction made us selfish and self-centered, it is time to change this and start focusing more in the others than in ourselves
    Fercho
     

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