18 cant get hard for 3 years, no sesnitivity, low sex drive, sex anxiety??

Long but PLEASE read ( I have a HUGE problem. I have not been fully hard to the point where you feel that heart beat and pulse like the blood is about to explode out and you could keep it that way for hours in over 2 and a half years. I lost my virginity when I was 16 now 18, (before I lost it I had my first BJ from another girl a week before this and I was only like 80%hard but I brushed it off as maybe she just wasnt good at it because I couldn't really feel anything and it was her first time sucking) I met a girl on Instagram, an hour away, she caught feelings, we met at a movie theater out of town, I was rock hard making out when she kissed my neck and was rubbing her hand on my SOLID blood pumping hard on with her in the theater, we walked to the back behind a tree and tall grass at night behind the theatre but I walked out first (because my mom had came too but to see a separate movie with her friends and her friends little son) so here I am so happy to finally have sex and feel like a man and not left out then she comes to the back and we start making out and I didnt realize I wasnt hard anymore because we killed the mood walking ti the back, when she was getting naked all I could think about was "it's finally happening, I'm not gonna be a virgin in a few minutes" so I whip out my meat and see it is soft so I just try to keep cool and say "get me hard again baby" (she was a virgin too, fat but VERY BEAUTUFUL face) so I'm nervous about getting caught and my boner looking around while she is sucking me and I get pretty hard although I couldn't feel anything with her either but a little better than the first girl even though the first girl was really sloppy and deepthroaty. Now every time I tried to get missionary to penetrate her it was difficult for me to get the right angle for it and I would go soft and she just looked at me blankly, she kept having to suck me 2 or 3 or times because I failed to penetrate, when I finally got it in I was like 50 percent hard or less and I felt nothing... just warmth. And we had like 8 minutes (I was smart and timed my mom's movie) before the movie ended so now I felt in a rush. We stopped and i walked home and gave her a kiss then she left me a hickey too before i left. She said she bled when she got home and she had made a weird moan sound when I popped her cherry so I know she wasn't loose and still virgin. I walk back to the front of the movies and my mom walks out and we go home (good timing) I'm in the back if the car just wondering what the hell happened. Part of me was happy and part of me was mostly disappointed... all the years and temptation and by imagination of how good it must feel... for THAT?? Why do people think this is the best thing in the world? My dry hand felt better... and then 7 months later I try to hook up with this girl and same thing happens and she tells the whole school and I have a small town of 5,000 people... so it was hard to get girls after that And I told people that she just didnt turn me on and that she smelled (she was promiscuous) so people believed me then it happened with over 6 or 7 girls since and I avoided over 5 girls for this reason. I got a girlfriend at one point whi understood my problem and helped me but she was really loose and rough feeling in the inside with my fingers and on our 5th or 6th time or so I got hard enough to penetrate her doggystyle and I didnt feel anything again and was constantly at 75% and I came fast yet didnt feel anything only when I came I felt a bit sensation but I have never had an orgasm or big feeling" from ejaculation since I was in middle school. After she moved I had another gf and she broke up with me because she didnt know what she wanted she said but I thinkit's because I coukdnt get all the way hard and it hurt her ego too much no matter how much I told her it wasnt me. at this time I realized that me being circumcised killed 80% of my sensitivity along with dry masturbating for 7 years. So st this time I was wearing on my oenis called "silicone scar sheets" around my glans as a foreskin substitute and after a few weeks my head got pinker where the sheet covered and looked more smooth and shiny when hard. but then I realized it doesnt really moisturize good like a forskin does, so I cut the corner of a plastic bag off and now wear it around my penis head and inner forskin I still have left from circumcision at birth and kept it there with a rubber band i folded twice but i put moisturizing shea butter with vitamin e in it (heard vitamin E and shea butter help penile sensitivity A LOT and this shea butter has both) and cut small peeing hole in the tip. This has very much improved my sesnsitivity and I know because the last BJ that my most recent ex gave me felt a lot better than before after using just the silicone scar sheets by ScarAway brand and now with this new plastic bag and lotion foreskin i got a bj from a virgin girl 2 nights ago and I felt so much more of that "tingle" everyone talks about and that's because I was only 75% hard. I wanted to bang her while i was hard enough but she didnt let me til later and I lost my boner by then and couldnt get hard enough. I only got it 75% hard in the first place because I was relaxed watching a movie at home and was not pressured. 1 week before this I had 3some with a friend and this young chick and couldnt get hard and she continue bang him behind my back. I have started nofap but need motivation to quit porn and masturbation. I have watched porn since I discovered it at 11 and masturbated at least 3 times a day since. I dint get fully hard masturbating. Only did or came close to 100% hard like I used to 3 times since my first bad experience almost years ago. I now view sex as a chore instead of enjoying and low sex drive except for 1 girl i used to be in love with but she does not like me andi only suck her tits once when we drunk

 

EDIT: I have never had morning wood in my life and I suffer from death grip syndrome and BAD performance anxiety. I wasnt nervous my first time I think it was due to OVER excitement. And no I am not gay, I met a gay guy my age on tinder for this exact reason thinking it was a possibility that my sexuality was not in check after all these years of liking transwoman porn occasionally and ED, and we never banged but I just made out with him for like 5 seconds and was VERY repulsed and grossed out and he isn't really ugly so dont tell me I am gay... I hated it. He was my age with long hair and also what can help me get my mind off my erection when with a girl so I dont stress it and go soft? I just want a happy sex life like all these jr high and freshman kids...

 

EDIT: I have tired eating girl out and it doesn't really help my erection. Foreplay doesnt help unless my mind is off my erection but the EX that I said I DID penetrate I felt so much less anxiety after that as if it was almost gone and I was able to get it up a but more after that. I have NEVER been fully hard inside a girl while also fully mentally aroused. I feel like I'm missing out yet I dint like sex and I don't feel normal... what kind of 18 year old doesnt like sex?!?! I smoke and drink but not very often at all. I tired some testostreone pills that also lower estrogen and increase blood flow and it didnt work