18 Days In... and it's excruciating

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by aps1991, Jul 26, 2017.

  1. aps1991

    aps1991 Fapstronaut

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    Hi

    This is my third attempt at PMO. My first attempt (November/December 2016) lasted 23 days, which I was impressed by and wasn't as difficult as I expected. My second attempt (March/April 2017) lasted 30 days, which I found even more impressive and again wasn't as difficult as I expected. This is my third attempt (started 9th July 2017) and it's so much more difficult! I have salacious thoughts all day and all night. I'm bombarded with provocative imagery on YouTube, in music videos, in magazines and on the street. Even songs turn me on - "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled is one of the most seductive songs I've ever heard. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this endeavour with anybody in my life. I want to scream. I feel like a drug addict on the verge of a relapse. Every minute of the day I'm on the edge of a relapse.

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    I'm doing this as part of an overall programme of self-improvement. I moved to a new city in March to create a richer life for myself. I've pushed myself to go out and meet new people, and have made friends through that. I started a weightlifting regime in the gym and gained four kilograms of muscle. I started learning a new style of dance (which is really sensual and provocative). I travelled to a dance festival in Portugal on my own, despite my hesitance about going alone, and it was one of the best holidays I've ever been on. I've started talking more with my relatives.

    The PMO aspect of my development is to recalibrate my sexual function and feel my attraction to women through my body. That way I can exude my sexual energy when I interact with women I find attractive. I want women to feel my attraction to her radiating from my body and heating her up. I want to devour a woman in bed with no worries about whether I can maintain an erection or whether she can satisfy me.

    I'm a 26 year old single guy and find it really difficult to engage women romantically or sexually. I've tried two forms of coaching, but it hasn't yielded visible results in this area so far (although they have helped to some degree). If I could simply go out and hook up with a woman then at least I'd have a sexual outlet. Dating sites and apps haven't worked for me thus far - I didn't have good enough social photos (although that's improved now). I'm much more interested in meeting people (including women I want to date) in the real world in places and contexts I find fun. This is what I'm currently doing, but it never feels like I'm doing enough. I yearn to date more women (my last date was in April - after a long while), but I sabotage myself repeatedly via fear of rejection, embarrassment and disappointment. PMO is one strand of moving towards the woman of my dreams. She's out there somewhere, but I have to go through severe growing pains in order to find her.

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    I currently have no outlet for this sexual energy that I feel trying to burst out of me. I go to the gym almost every day, but exercise doesn't help in this regard. They play raunchy music videos in my gym and there's girls in tight yoga pants around. I recently started doing yoga, but that turns me on. I've been distracted by my wild thoughts at work these last couple of days - the first time this has happened. It's difficult to find time in my friends' schedules to meet up. I try and keep busy the best I can, but I just feel like I'm running away from thoughts that will eventually catch up with me (and they always do). Accepting the thoughts makes me want to succumb to my urges. I feel unhappier and more distracted than normal due to my PMO. I don't sleep well anymore (despite excellent sleep hygiene). I feel like the attractive women I see are trying to tempt me into failure and I'm having to constantly resist. I don't know how much more I can tolerate.

    aps1991
     
  2. Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    Pain is part of the process. It's supposed to hurt. You are rewiring your brain. The pain and urges are there to teach you a lesson.
     
    Damodhar likes this.
  3. Damodhar

    Damodhar Fapstronaut

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    Halts off to your struggle man. You will surely come out of it as a winner. Just believe in yourself..
     
    aps1991 likes this.

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