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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Jan 28, 2018.
21/180 and one year ago I stopped using porn!
I am a student of 21 years, I developed a hocd 4 months ago, before that i was really happy in my life; know i don't know who i'am and i don't like life.
I used to eat a lot of porn, i started at the age of 13 when a friend show me some porn videos, at my 19yo i started to go into more and more hard porn, until the day i fell into shemale porn and it excited me i do not know why while before it was disgusting me,
Yesterday i watch porn zoophile with a man fucking a mare and it excited me and i'am shame of this, am I excited by animals ? I'd like to know who i'am because i do not know who i'am anymore, before this i was a really normal guys who is enjoying life, now i'am anxious and don't trust myself, i even think to commit suicide because i can not do anymore why all this shit excites me.
And the biggest problem is that i can't forgot this all the day i think about this why i was excited and it puts all my life in question,
I would have dreamed ofnever having seen that and being the boy I was
I'm very sorry to hear that porn has driven you to this point. First of all I can assure you, there is nothing wrong with you and it is not you fault you get excited about this. The reason why you've watched the things you've watched is because porn addiction works like this: You start with soft porn because you get an enormous rush of this... then you do some soft porn again and again... after a while you don't get a rush anymore... you've adapted... so you start to search for something more that will get you the same rush soft porn did once... then it gets slightly harder and after some time you adapt again... then it continues like this: harder porn, more adaptation. Until you reach a point where feel so disgusted by yourself you don't know what to do. Is it something wrong with me? Why am I doing this? Exactly where you are right now. Trust me, I've been there too, too many times. Now, I haven't been watching those kind of things you've watched, I took another path. I really wish that my memories could disappear but the only thing I can do is to work on the distance: the more days that goes without porn, the more distant my memories will become. I suggest you to do the same... now it's time for you to turn these memories into something good, it's actually possible: Remember where you don't want to be and remember that you will always end up there even if you watch the softest porn that have ever existed. It's extremely hard to keep porn on a sane level. It always gets messed up in the end and there is nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do and you have to do is to stop completely and I promise you, you can do it! Now it's time to use your experience as fuel to yourself: use this as the driving power to encourage you to never go back. Start a new life and do it now. You can be driven to stop your addiction, I've been that since I stopped and that has helped me a lot. If you stop with porn your life will go back to normal and you will learn ways to deal with your memories. You can become healthy again, trust me... before I showed up here on this forum, I was a porn addict for 25 years, started when I was 10 years old.
The road for you to succeed in your journey here is to start small. In the beginning, everything is about using your willpower to build self-discipline. Take the 3-day challenge, 7-day challenge, 14-day challenge... Even if your goal may be to stop watching porn for life, you must start small. That is the key to success. Whenever you complete a challenge, that will give you a small cerotonine kick which will make you feel a bit more invincible, unstoppable and believing... and fact is, the more challenges you take, the stronger you will become. Do not take too hard challenges. Always take challenges you believe you can accomplish. That is very important because right now you want to work on an up-going spiral, you want to make it a habit to succeed with your struggles and take control over your own brain. Start with cold showers also, they help a lot.
Challenges I recommend:
cold shower challenge
the no screen challenge
all no-pmo challenges, taking one challenge at a time starting with the shortest
the divine comedy challenge (in groups -> reboot challenges)
the everest challenge (in groups -> reboot challenges)
flying starts challenge
the exercise challenge
There are also many more challenges you can take but remember to not take everything at once. Start with something and summon all the power you've got to complete the challenge. In the beginning, I replaced porn with cold showers and workout and that worked pretty well for me. Learn to not think about blocking your thoughts, instead learn to search for other thought to replace your unwanted thoughts with.
It feels like I can go on for hours with all kinds of tips. This is because I've been working on self-improvement almost everyday since I stopped watching porn. If you do the same, your life will transform to something very beautiful and you will become a completely different person. You will become the best version of yourself!
I also recommend to listen on the audiobook "Can't hurt me" by David Goggins.
Thank you a lot for your response,
I have a question would I be disgusted by things that disgusted me before? because now I'm excited by that, but before I was disgusted by this things.
would I forget all that?
Thank you a lot your response made me happy