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2 years hard mode

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Anne-Dauphine, Jan 1, 2016.

  1. I'm officially 2 years hard mode clean. I'm too tired to write a thorough review right now but I will make sure to do one later because hell, it was 2 incredibly hard, beautiful, atrocious, rewarding years, and I'm beyond bewildered that I'm still alive. I met the girl that made me start it all twice, I have too autographs from her, this year I kissed my first girl too, who happens to be Lana Del Rey whom I am an extreme fan of. I'm going to the gym, I'm working my ass off. NoFap doesn't cure mental illness. It doesn't cure depression. For me it cured no shit. But it tremendously helped. First because I've met some incredible souls here whose wisdom is still to this day taking me aback, and because it made me WANT TO IMPROVE. And to be a better person, the possibilities are endless.

    So yes, I STILL DO WANT TO WATCH PORN. I miss it. Every single day, I miss it. I get crazy aroused at the smallest glimpse of anything, when nothing calms me down only the memories I keep intact after two years do, I miss porn, I miss porn, I MISS PORN. the thing is, I've learned to live with it. I'm used to it. It sometimes hurt, even physically, but I don't do it. And I won't.

    Yes, sometimes I still do want to masturbate. And I have only one thing to say about this: I don't.

    You can ask all the questions you wish, I'll do my best to attempt to answer!

    And last thing: yes, I'm doing it 1000000000000% for religious reasons. It's sometimes fucking torture yo, especially when you're as mentally ill as me, but it's ok, I've done some fucked up shit and it's good repair.

    And very last thing: Mamie, you died on January 5th, 2014. In a few days, it will be two years. I miss you. Thank you for giving me the strength. I wouldn't be here without you. I'm proud.
     
  2. 2 years hard mode ?! That's so dope. How did you overcome your flatline(s)?
     
  3. nofapper94

    nofapper94 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your inspiring story.
     
  4. UnitedUnivese

    UnitedUnivese New Fapstronaut

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    Very inspiring thank you for the post.
     
  5. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

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    Truly inspirational, something that I look up to do.
     
  6. you are a great person, keep up the good work.
     
  7. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

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    This is great. 2 years is a great archievement. However, it is now clear to me that PMO effects are lasting. Anyways, who cares. I am doing nofap for Life.
     
  8. Thank you so much everyone, it means the world to me!

    Excellent question, well for me it's a bit different, because I suffer from depression regardless of NoFap and I was 7 months in it in 2015 so I didn't wondered if it was flatline or not, and also I'm doing it hard mode because I'm single and don't plan on being in a relationship for at least a while. So, I did not overcame flatlines easily, it was messy as hell, it was extremely difficult, it was through blood and rage mostly, legit the only thing I can say is so stupid: when I have an urge, I'm thinking about it, I'm looking at it like a lover, but I never act over it. I don't mind not having any libido because it makes it easier, I don't know.

    (Also, to answer your question, I saw her at a meet and greet she was doing the day her album got out in London, while she was signing my record I asked her if I could kiss her, she said sure, asked me if I was ready, and I was not :D)
     
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  9. Spirali

    Spirali Fapstronaut

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    Missing porn after 2 years sounds scary. I thought the urges would go away after a month >_<
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  10. GreatScott!

    GreatScott! Fapstronaut

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    733 days!! Now that's a great number, one I haven't seen before. This is an inspiration to all here, yes, this can be done!

    And many thanks for your honesty, as shocking as it is. But it's good information for me to know that one can, or will, still have urges even after two years. That it's normal and you're not doing anything wrong. And the way you handle it is good, I think. You just accept it the way it is, that that's what it is going to be like. Bravo!
     
  11. Yes, I'm actually sorry to admit it this bluntly, but I think it's because first I have a huge addict temperament, second I'm depressive so sometimes I go back to what used to be a coping mechanism (even though it actually ignited my depression lol) and lastly it get easier, it's just that in my opinion if it really is a true addiction and not just a will issue, like you don't just do it because you want to but feel like in a way you have to, then the urges don't 100% go away. Also, I'm only 2 years clean, it's almost as much as my addicted time, but nothing.

    Thank you very much :D Yup, same thing about the urges. You mention something important actually: it's not necessarily a bad thing to have urges. I have an immense luck (but don't make me repeat it): I don't have a dick. Which means I can be aroused like a bull literally everywhere without anyone noticing, so it's easier for me on this point, I don't necessarily refrain my urges, I let them go, and I do think this is a healthier way of doing, like instead of torturing myself over not being allowed to even be aroused or remember what I have in mind (and it often happens when I'm bored), I just ride with it, and it makes it way easier and leads to SO MUCH less frustration. After all I'm human, and I'm bi too, so everyone is hot and denying it is not the point. But it's also because I'm doing it for religious reasons and don't care about keeping energy or being an alpha etc. I don't even think of touching myself when this happens and I don't even have the shade of a temptation to. I'm a really different, and better, person.
     
    Asgardian36 and Spirali like this.
  12. GreatScott!

    GreatScott! Fapstronaut

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    Now that's the kind of progress I'm looking forward to realizing. Thanks for sharing this.
     
  13. Master of chastity

    Master of chastity Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your story - I hope you exaggerated about your urges not going away after 2 years. I guess to have urges is human. After all we really should mate, right?

    The question is how we deal with the urges. When I see a donut I always want to taste it but I never do because I know it has no benefit and only harms my system. It's no big deal and I forget about it almost immediately. That is how things should be with porn too.
     
  14. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Thats great annie. I remember your post run fapper run from years ago, it was Great!
     
    Anne-Dauphine likes this.
  15. JustAFuckedUpTeen

    JustAFuckedUpTeen New Fapstronaut

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    Very inspiring, good writing
    I just hope that one I may reach where you are now, stay strong
    Cheers from Russia
     
  16. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic work on making two years hard mode. And I am very jealous now! I very much like Lana's music and she is very talented.
     
    Anne-Dauphine likes this.
  17. VicistiGalilaee

    VicistiGalilaee Fapstronaut

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    I'm a Christian attempting to conquer my sexual immorality as well and I suffer from very severe OCD which makes my struggle MUCH more difficult for multiple reasons. So I'm naturally very intrigued by your references to mental illness. What kinds of mental illness do you suffer from? In what way does refraining from sexuality immorality help? Abstinence makes my obsessions and compulsions even worse -- much worse.
     
  18. Unfortunately no, I didn't exaggerated. But I think it's normal. I'm not asexual, and there was a reason I got addicted in the first place. Especially since I'm in forced hard mode because I'm alone. Yup, I think to have urges is human in our case! Haha bad example for me because I suffer from Binge Eating Disorder. It's so weird, I can't quit smoking, I'm having the hardest time being healthy and crushing ED, but NoFap? No problem!

    Спасибо большое! I'm sure you will! Cheers from France :)

    <333333333333333333333333333333333 She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love her to beyond death. I'm the luckiest person on earth tbh.

    Bonjour! I'm sincerely sorry, I can't imagine how difficult it must be, I immensely admire your courage. I suffer from depression, mild to severe, Binge Eating Disorder, and I've been diagnosed with an unknown personality disorder, something between Borderline and Histrionic, which explains A LOT of things. I actually don't like to call it sexuality immorality, or sin, or bad, idk, it's just something personal between God and me, like I've done some bad things and I know instinctively that the God I believe in wouldn't like the attitude I had and it seems like a good way to redeem myself. It's hard. Maybe abstinence isn't the solution here? After all God desires your health and happiness, but I'm stepping out of my rights here.
     
  19. VicistiGalilaee

    VicistiGalilaee Fapstronaut

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    Did your sexual desires completely go into remission after 2 years? That's what my ultimate goal is.
     

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