20-Something Male seeking Male AP who identifies as a porn addict

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Curb_Ur_Enthusigasm, Mar 25, 2018.

  1. Curb_Ur_Enthusigasm

    Curb_Ur_Enthusigasm New Fapstronaut

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    I consider myself a porn addict. I have tried stopping many times, and am sometimes successful for a few months, but I have always gone back to it eventually. I am not looking for someone who is doing this because they want superpowers (although I support quitting porn no matter what your reason). I don't think Hard Mode is the right choice for me either (details below).

    I am looking for someone with a similar situation as me for mutual accountability/fellowship. If a lot of these things don't apply to you, or you strongly disagree with my views, please look elsewhere for a partner (and I wish you the best of luck in finding one!)

    Here's my situation. If this sounds like you, please reply:
    • I would not consider myself religious, although I was raised Christian and I agree with some of the philosophy. My reasons for wanting to stop are secular.
    • I have built up a tolerance to vanilla porn, and the things I watch have become increasingly extreme/taboo. It disgusts me, but I feel powerless to stop.
    • I frequently make promises to myself before I watch porn ("nothing violent, only loving", "only 5 minutes", etc.) and I almost always break them, often just minutes after I begin watching
    • When I watch porn I feel detached from myself, like I'm in a trance, dissociated.
    • I am in a long-term, satisfying relationship. My SO knows I look at porn and that it bothers me, but not how often or what kind. She is very supportive of me but I'm afraid of her knowing the full extent. At some point I would like to tell her more.
    • My main goal is to cut out porn altogether, forever. I would still like to masturbate, although I would like to cut back as much as I can. I will still have sex with my SO. I would like to start with 1 week of PMO, followed by 90 days of no porn, and MO no more than 2-3 times a week (or less, if I can manage it, but this is secondary).
    • I am not attracted to children or the opposite sex and do not seek these things out. (I'm cishet but consider myself an LGBTQ ally)
    • I don't think I have any serious trauma in my past, but I can point to several "smaller" traumatic events that likely affect my reaction to porn.
    • I struggle with moderate anxiety and mild depression, and I feel porn is a huge contributing factor in this.
    • I would say I am more prone to addiction/compulsion than most people. I have struggled/still struggle with other compulsive behaviors, none of which have ever been as serious of problem for me, but which do affect me in some way.
    • I have noticed that I am most vulnerable to porn relapse when I am depressed or anxious, sleep deprived, sick, lonely, angry, or otherwise feel Bad. I also have used porn intentionally as a way to deal with breakups/rejection, even though I knew it was an unhealthy coping mechanism.
    • I feel that watching porn is in direct conflict with the good, compassionate person I strive to be, and it is my single greatest source of shame.
    Sorry this post is so long, I am hoping that by giving as much information as I can that I will find someone else with similar goals and struggles. I would prefer someone who I can text chat with anonymously and privately (perhaps via whatsapp, discord, or something similar), and consistently (at least a few times a week for 97 days). I do not wish to share identifying information about myself, but I am willing to be 100% honest about my addiction, I have a lot to get off my chest and I want to talk with someone else who gets it. Thanks for reading all this. Stay strong.
     
  2. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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    Hey, thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to your post and appreciate the detail you put into your struggle
    I'm also interested in the same kind of accountability system, though it is hard for me to type a lot. If we find more people to join, maybe we could setup a chat group? I could commit to 1/week text chat for sure though (with an online app or whatever)

    also, I think our struggles are really similar, minus the "satisfying relationship" part, :'( haha
     
  3. frombeginning

    frombeginning New Fapstronaut

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    Hi there i would like to know why you decided to stop watching porn. And are you certain of that decision?
     

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