21 and a Virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TheNewWolf, Apr 17, 2019.

  1. TheNewWolf

    TheNewWolf Fapstronaut

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    I'm not only a virgin, but I have never even kissed a woman or had a girlfriend. This has really been getting me down lately, as most men my age have already gotten laid and even more have kissed a female. It's not simply the sex I desire, though that's a big part of it, it's the affection.
    A large part of the problem is that I tend to be a fairly reclusive person and I'm also quite shy and anxious. I see that men who put themselves out there, though they inevitably get rejected some of the time, eventually find a partner. My concern going forward is that women will be repulsed by the fact I'm still a virgin at 21.
    I'm sorry to vent but the fact that I'm a virgin and have never had a girlfriend has been getting me down lately. I'm simply looking for those who can relate to my situation and for some words of encouragement.
     
  2. fusionxx23

    fusionxx23 Fapstronaut

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    No one cares that ur a virgin, if a woman is into u and found out ur a virgin shes not gonna change her mind one bit. What u need to learn is how to get out of your comfort zone, push yourself every day in small ways. Even after you lose ur virginity, you don't suddenly get less insecure and become good with women. Loneliness sucks its brutal, and one of the worst parts of this nf journey and im experiencing too. Everyone has to learn to be comfortable with there insecurities whether ur balding or u are 5'1, accepting who u are is very attractive.
     
  3. prove

    prove New Fapstronaut

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    I relate to you. But I believe you have it harder. I live in a quite restricted society and religious, which made things easier. But of course, majority doesn't care about it. Which sometimes made me feel depressed. I've actually cried like once in 3 month because things like this. And yes, I want affection. I need someone to tell "I love you so much" to me. But well, for the time being I can't.
    Many times I said to myself "Patience. You will get it" and it worked sometimes. If it didn't work, "What if no one will like you?", well maybe because it's true no one will like you. So what do you do ? Change. Use that question as a motivation for self-improvement.
    I have a suggestion for you. If being virgin in your country is strange, then move to another country which virginity is more common. I know it's crazy, but if you're that depressed, it's a small price.
     
  4. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Nah, no-one but the shallowest of women is going to care. I was 31!

    I could have probably written the same thing word for word when I was 21, so I can relate. I think there are many people, particularly men, in the same position. There are no simple answers and it's not going to magically happen. I managed to meet someone eventually via online dating. It's not for everyone and you need a thick skin. But there are always other options.
     
  5. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    You need more self-confidence, everyday at a mirror look at you and tell positive things like:
    "I'm beautiful as fuck", "Damn I love me so much"... You will notice how you start to believe more in yourself and you will eat the world.

    Lemme tell you, look at someone that inspires you, I bet you my house that mfucka believes himself a damn lot. He ain't care shit people tell about him because the only one who knows him is himself.
    I do practice all this, and I recommend not only to you, but everyone here to do this.
     
  6. newstart002

    newstart002 Fapstronaut

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    There's nothing wrong with that. We live in an over-sexualized and vulgar society, that expects people to be nothing but machines who copulate at will.

    Keep yourself healthy and clean, don't worry about expectations that are unhelpful and immoral.

    Find things you like doing, whether it be sporting, academic or just a good wholesome hobby. Meet likeminded people, socialize and there's no reason why you cannot meet somebody who will be special for you.

    As someone who played the field when I was younger, I can assure you that nothing beats a relationship that's loving, caring, and meaningful.
     
  7. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Fortunately for you, no one will know you are a virgin until you explicitly tell them. I found out recently that this girl in my college was into me for a while but didn't bother to say anything because she assumed I had a girlfriend. It's amazing how your self-doubt and harsh criticism can debilitate you.
     
    Starboii likes this.
  8. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Dude I was 23 and was a virgin and never touched or kissed a girl. There are people 30+ years old with this thing.

    Get over it and fix it. It is never too late!
    No need to be ashamed, even when you are 30+ years old.

    I met a 39 year old virgin at a pick up artist bootcamp. He dealt with the issue and is now killing it with the ladies. An absolute legend of a man. You can do that shit too.
     
    Starboii and hardowner like this.
  9. Renan_Finn

    Renan_Finn Fapstronaut

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    I'm 21 too, and virgin as well, and unlike a lot of this people, I don't have much interest in changing it, it doesn't matter, simply not a problem.
    There's no problem with that as the people say, don't feel very bad, each person live the life in his own way, if you want to change it so start doing what is necessary to it, never too late, good luck with that, self-confidence is the key for it :)
     
  10. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    CluV-21 is accepting new members.
     
  11. L'empereur

    L'empereur Fapstronaut

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  12. ShyIIock

    ShyIIock Fapstronaut

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    Im close to be 23 and virgin too. 1 moth ago, I was so depressed about it and felt like zero. Now, when the brain fog starts to disappear and confidence is showing up, I dont give a single fuck about that.
    Im focusing on my reboot and life improvement. Some shity thoughts about being FA dont have any space in my mind anymore. First you need to start to appreciate yourselve - dont waste your energy PMOing - sexual energy is the most powerfull one. Cumulate your masculinity and use it for improvement. Grills will show up, im sure about that.
     
  13. L'empereur

    L'empereur Fapstronaut

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    Even though I am good lover. It is overrated. So I am not say it from bitterness. It is just sex, love etc. Like eating. Do not stress about it.
     
  14. Society is very toxic. So much emphasis put on losing your virginity, especially for men. I'm 34 and most people would say I'm a virgin since I've never had sex with a woman. I truly don't understand the importance.
     
    Hank Pym likes this.
  15. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    I'm 22, in the exact same boat, though the farthest I've ever gotten were some hugs, which are few and far between.

    My classmates roughly the same age as me told me it was fine that I haven't had a girlfriend yet while my coworkers- the majority of which are twice my age to varying degrees (and it got worse over time), have harassed me about not having a girlfriend/ not getting laid. My Mom told me she thinks I'm going to find a woman that is very good for me (to which I adamantly disagreed). The point is standards are never going to line up when you compare them.

    I could tell so many work stories about things that happened to me in that regard, but the one thing I learned from it all is don't fall victim to other peoples' expectations when they can't even meet their own/ don't have any expectations/ are just plain hypocritical about what they're telling you.

    Also remember- your friends can have break ups as well and end up alone.
     
  16. If it makes you feel better I am nearly 25. And yeah of course a virgin, what they say kissless,hugless,touchless,etc whatever you wanna add. And I don't think it's going to change anytime soon. Even if I get to that situation, a girl would probably laugh on my face and throw me out because I have a below average member. Society has changed vastly and people like us have been left far behind in the race. It's ok. Not everyone can get everything like others. Take care.
     
  17. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    I sympathize with you op im 25 year and im also a virgin but i actually had chances to loss my virginity but it just didn't fell right.

    I don't really care what people think about me for not going for it, to me if there's no feeling behind the act itself (love, mutual respect and trust) then its nothing more then two pieces of meat hitting each other pardon my comparison.

    Like you im also a bit of a recluse and shy person (been taking steps to change that about myself) and the more you interact in the outside world the better, you might not realize it but people will notice and sometimes that's all it takes, being present.

    I took the time to really reflect on the matter and iv come to the conclusion that our own insecurity makes us seek validation for outside sources (society in general) and in our mind if we don't have that validation we deem ourself inferior unworthy of happiness and that's the wrong mindset.

    "People tend to act in ways that are consistent with who they view themselves to be, even if that view is not accurate. Our focus, self-perception and self-talk determine what we say, how we say it, what we do, how people treat us, our physiology and where we end up in life." by Corey Wayne

    My point is you need to be ok with yourself for who you are, accept the good and the bad in you, take steps to fix what you can about yourself for your own sake and for no one else.

    In the end sex is just a small part of life, don't let that small part dominate your entire existence.

    Best wishes,
     
    justafriend and ReachForTheSkies like this.
  18. Art_93

    Art_93 Fapstronaut

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    Hola, tengo 25 años y sólo he tenido sexo una vez y eso fue con una prostituta, cosa que no me ha sido satisfecho. Me di cuenta de que estaba desesperado en pensar cuando tenía que ser mi primera vez. Tuve una novia durante mucho tiempo, pero nunca tuvimos sexo en realidad, después de que terminé y no salido con ninguna chica ni he tenido sexo. Asi que antes de cumplir 24 años decidí contratar una Escort, y ahi fue todo. Ahora me deprime mucho y ocupo mi mente el pensar porque no tuve relaciones con mi ex novia, me inquieta el saber si ella ya ha tenido relaciones ya que también era virgen. Me deprime porque era el amor de mi vida.
     
  19. Potato_22

    Potato_22 Fapstronaut

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    Amigo mantente fuerte se como es esa ansiedad de todavía no haber experimentado tu primera vez por que es algo que yo vivo ya que soy virgen y tengo 21 pero bueno ya que caíste en la tentación y contrataste un Escort sigue adelante Keep moving!, que no te deprima ello ve hacia el futuro que una hermosa persona te estará esperando si lo de tu ex no funciono es por que era algo que no estaba en los planes de tu vida así que se fuerte, no debe ser facil salir de una relacion y con alguien que en verdad amabas yo mismo lo veo dificil por que nunca he experimentado eso y se que cuando me pase no voy a querer soltar a esa persona pero tienes que superarlo! si te quedas en esa caja y no sales de ella no volveras a experimentar algo hermoso o aun mas que lo que viviste con tu ex, y su lo de tu primero vez te molesta mucho cambia esa concepción de primera vez de tener relaciones a primera vez de tener relaciones con la persona que realmente amo, te deseo lo mejor exitos!
     
    Art_93 likes this.
  20. OnTheEdge

    OnTheEdge Fapstronaut

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    I think you've fallen into a trap we have all fallen into at one point or another. That trap is we think all women are the same and that they will all see you as weak for being a virgin or will generally see you as a 'beta'. Believe it or not, there are lots of women out there who are not that shallow. If you found a girl who was 21 and still a virgin, would you reject her even if you liked her? I truly believe it's the internet and TV that has made us all so intimidated by women. We are told we must be this that and the other to get a girlfriend and it's all bollocks. We feel like we are nothing because we don't possess all of these skills so we just give up on ourselves and hide away, feeling we are hopeless. I was 23 when I 'lost my virginity', by the way. Then I didn't have sex for another 7 years.
     

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