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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by 2525, Sep 9, 2017.
Had a really sexual dream last night.
Really struggling today. Can feel myself slipping even more. Need to be more disciplined tomorrow!
Remembered my mantra today, that I started the month with, that helped me feel really determined.
May is the month! I can do this. Nearly at the end of day 8. Time to switch off the computer.
Day 7 of 21!!!!!!!
I tried being religious to do no PMO but it didn't end well max was around 15 days it was with no meat , alcohol and smoke. This time my attempt after an year is for 21 days although I've tried millions of times to stop but failed again and again, I think posting here every day it will help me
Day:1 (started )
Day 13/21. Did very well yesterday both on the online front and on the offline ogling front. Had a productive day where I wrote down as many triggers as I could think of and thought of very specific exit strategies for each one.
Really struggling this morning. Lots of imagery and strong urges. I know checking out the likes of Instagram the last couple of days has not helped!
8 days complete though. Thank goodness for my bet! That is basically my last line of defence that is holding up at the moment! Really hope these urges start to fade.
May is the month!
Keep it up! However, a little thought... how much do you really need Instagram? Can you live without it? I honestly haven't used it since January or February when I made the commitment to go sober from PMO and it's telling that the only thing I ever missed about it is the P-Subby stuff that I was looking at, and even that has faded now. Honestly, I deleted it and blocked the website from all devices on my filtering/accountability software, and apart from one time I looked at it at work a couple of months ago after being triggered by a person's FB page (which led to a relapse at home, which made me reaffirm the commitment not to look at it AT ALL and to also cut out cruising triggering FB profiles - even of people I know - during my recovery), I haven't looked back since, and I haven't really missed using it. Same with Twitter, Snapchat, and ANY other app that I can access even the slightest P-Sub on (esp. anything with an open search function) - deleted them all from my phone, including the Facebook app and Messenger, since I can use them to look for P-Sub profiles or thumbnails, then placed applocks on my phone so I need my partner to put in a code if I want to install a new app.
I still have Facebook allowed on my computer, but I now have strict rules - no searching out anything that could be titillating or triggering, and keeping time on there to a strict minimum - no using tech for at least the first hour of my morning (or until I've finished the other things in my morning routine); when I've logged in, I only do what I absolutely need to do - write any birthday messages, reply to any messages people have sent me (close friends know that if they urgently need to contact me they have my email or WhatsApp anyway, which I can't access P-Subs on), then, if I'm alone at home, close it. If I'm browsing my feed and if I see something triggering, my new rule is to immediately unfollow the person who posted it if posted by a friend, or even delete them if I never really kept in touch with them anyway (a necessary evil during the recovery process), then close Facebook immediately, close the computer, go and do something else for 10-15 minutes (like clearing out the dishwasher or sorting through my laundry). That way I know what to do if temptation arises. But really, to go the distance, we really need to take action on our triggers and have a game plan for them - if something hasn't been helping you, take action now and cut it out!
The urges will start to fade. I still experience urges but a lot less intense than when I started this journey in January. Try to change "hope" in that sentence into "believe" - look for evidence to reinforce your belief: read as many testimonies as possible from the "Success Stories" threads to help send the message to your brain that other people have done it so you can do it too, think about other things you've achieved in your life and tell yourself that if you've accomplished those then you can also re-train your brain, think about all the times you've successfully managed to say "no" to PMO or to triggers and look how much stronger your decision-making muscles are getting with each time you do that, and visualise yourself with no urges as intensely and as often as possible. If you do that, and turn your hope into a belief, you will succeed.
Thanks man. I really appreciate the time that you have taken here, and the advice!
I guess I don't really need Instagram. It is not good for you in general, hey? Spending too much time on it comparing other people's lives to your own. I only have it as an easy way to blog art related stuff. Something that needs to take more of a front seat, especially now P is out of the picture
I don't normally make a habit of looking for p-subs, only in moments of weakness when I am on a streak. Like a 'safe' way of looking at stuff, but know that is almost as bad! Plus it tends to lead to stronger urges. I will leave it a bit longer and see how I go with being more disciplined. I am listening though! Tinder is also bad! I can definitely do without that! haha
Great advice on the rephrasing, thanks! "believe" is definitely a much stronger word than "hope". Also read something via the 'Panic Button' the other day, which was similar. Rather than saying "I mustn't look at porn" or "I can't watch porn", rephrase to "I don't watch porn". I have noticed that is how I am starting to look at alcohol now, after giving up for a while. I was saying "I am not drinking at the moment", but that has actually naturally morphed to more "I don't drink", which feels weird, but also kind of cool. Still don't know how long I will do that for. Whilst if I can get to that point, scratch that, now that I don't watch porn, I would love to be more comfortable with that being gone forever. In time
And yes, been reading lots of the success stories recently. Definitely a good way of keeping the spirits up!
Thanks again mate
Starting over again. Day 1. Realized that just MO’ing doesn’t make you feel better and that I just need to stay away from everything and do something to replace PMO.
Well, I made it to 9 days, just. On the bright side, that was twice as long as last time, and longest for a long time.
Couldn't sleep, because of a restless mind and a headache, so started browsing phone in the middle of the night. Had turned it off because of slipping!
Lessons to be learned. Set clear boundaries, with social media etc, and stick to them! Once you start pushing them and walking down that road it just gets worse and worse until you crack.
Was so positive about what I was going to achieve tomorrow. Not going to let this stop me!
Now for the rest of May. Really going to attack life!
Edit - I realise that I did not make it clear that I relapsed. Although the reset counter probably gives it away!
Day 8 of 21!!!!!!!!
keep goin, step by step
Keep going strong man, and remember, one day's relapse doesn't invalidate those 9 days of progress that you made as long as you learn from it and apply those lessons from now on! I'm sure you will beat those 9 days - remember, it goes beyond May, this is a life change!
Day 14/21. Generally a good day for online temptation, though I could feel myself slipping later in the afternoon when I clicked onn a couple of slightly triggering videos in the sidebar on Facebook - I closed them very soon after opening them, closed FB and got on with something else. It was a very good day on the ogling front. Meditating each morning is helping me be a bit more aware of my triggers and of my thought patterns, and how not to get swept away by those thought patterns and refocus my thoughts on something else. Came across a nice (slightly cliché but very true) quote attributed to the Buddha while reading Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within today (again, I find his style a bit cheesy and US-centric, but I'm surprised by just how much I'm getting out of the book all the same):
"We are what we think.
All that we are arises
With our thoughts.
With our thoughts,
We make the world."
checking in Day 3/21