21 Days, Status Report and What I Did Wrong

Hello everyone, I am a 18 YO with PIED. I only manage to get hard when some of my fetishes are triggered by a woman. (feet, femdom etc.)

3 weeks of no porn, just a very little masturbation and 0 orgasms. I went to clubs every week and managed to get some girls at that club, here is how my feelings differed every week.

Week 1: We started kissing with one girl and I felt nothing, there was no connection, no intimacy, nothing. We headed to the toilet, she started sucking me and as you might guess, there was nothing. Then she left after trying for 5 mins.

Week 2: Again I found a woman, I was afraid of going to her home so just insisted on staying at the club. We kissed, danced and everything. But again there was no intimacy, no feelings. I was just in my head and felt nothing.

Week 3: Started making out and after all those weeks, I felt good on this one, while my ding dong was still not responding much getting hard wise, it was intimate and better.

RESULT: Okay you might be saying, well there is nearly no improvement. And you are hundred percent correct on that one. I relapsed yesterday after 21 days of nofap. But I found out why I wasnt having any improvements. I was constantly thinking about my fetishes and the only thing that aroused me was my feet fetish. And as you might guess in clubs its harder to get a girls feet then getting the girl wet and ready to f. So I decided to give my fetishes a long break, I dont hate my fetishes I count them as a part of me but as they are making my healing process impossible, I will take a long break from them. Other then that, when I watch The Office, for the first time in a long time I felt the intimacy of Jim and Pam and really got good feelings just from their relationship and their warmth towards each other. Guess that is my only improvement.

FUTURE: In the future there will be no fetishes for me, at least till I get healed. Also when ever I masturbated in the past, I would play with my nipples. That got so bad after 6 years of constant use, noW I cannot get aroused without some nipple play. I will also hold my hands away from my nipples.

It will be uncomfortable, but we need to be able to stay comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
Thank you for reading I wish you a great PMO free week