21 Years old, no sex life, no girlfriend

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Tev G, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. Tev G

    Tev G Fapstronaut

    6
    12
    3
    Hey guys, so I'm going to skip straight to the point. I'm 21 years old, about to be 22 in 2 weeks, and my social life fucking sucks. I started watching porn at like age 13 and I have been addicted since. Up until like age 19, I had not been aware of nofap and the damages that come from PMO. After finding nofap I've managed to go on many different streaks, my longest being 70 days. After relapsing on that streak, which was a little over 2 years ago, I have since not been able to go longer than 14 days without a relapse, often not going past 5.

    Social anxiety and shyness has always been a crippling issue in my life. From elementary school through high school I was never seen as 'cool'. I was always the skinny, nerdy dude who made good grades, played video games, and listened to different types of music, and so did my small group of friends. This lack of acceptance from my peers unfortunately heavily impacted my self-esteem. I grew to become very self-conscious of my overall appearance. I stayed inside doing nothing but watching porn and playing video games all day, never learning an instrument, never going to the gym, never practicing or developing game with girls, or any social skills at all to be honest. And now one of my biggest regrets is that I've just gone through all 4 years of college living on campus without even ONCE having sex, kissing a girl, or even developing a friendship with a girl.. literally nothing intimate or even relatively intimate. I even lived in a unisex dorm. I used to wake up and be surrounded by beautiful girls from all over the country, all I had to do was just go downstairs to the main lobby or just walk outside and talk to one, yet I still decided to just pmo every day. It haunts me daily knowing that what could've been the best 4 years of my life were wasted on such bad habits. But it's not like I'm this fucking weirdo that has never spoken to or touched a girl before. I've just never had any relationships with one, and I couldn't effectively flirt with or practice game on a girl if my life depended on it. And I know that I'm a good looking guy. I catch signals from cute girls all the time. I work in retail currently at Walmart and I help attractive women out all the time, and I can usually tell when a girl might find me attractive just off her body language, eye contact, etc.. Not to mention how many girls I could've gotten while in college and back in high school

    Now I'm to the point where I could be talking to a girl, and she's giving me all the signs, yet I'm still afraid to shoot my shot and go for her number, or even make small talk / make a joke. It's like I could be almost 100% sure that if I ask for a girl's number in a given conversation I'd get it but I just can't. I freeze up at the opportunity every single time, and I just watch her walk away, stuck with the thought of what could have been.

    I'm almost 22 years old, I still live with my parents, and I have never even once brought home a girl for them to meet, and I'm still a virgin. I'm either smoking weed or playing video games with my small group of friends, hanging with family, or alone. I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anything, I'd just say my life is very boring and I spend a lot of my free time alone.

    I'm beginning to work out with calisthenics, eat healthier, and spend less time gaming, watching Netflix, browsing social media etc. I also take cold showers daily, but I still feel as if none of this is helping as much as I'd like, and I'm still stuck inside this pmo loop, hardly lasting 3 days before a relapse. However I know that it just takes patience and sheer fucking will to really do this.

    In my past experience, posting on here has helped me gain some motivation just by knowing that others share a struggle similar to mine, so I'm posting this in hopes to let someone know that they are not alone in this battle, but also to receive tips from others who have overcome this obstacle.

    Any feedback is appreciated, thanks guys!
     
  2. krustykrabpizzeria

    krustykrabpizzeria New Fapstronaut

    1
    1
    1
    Hey man. I don't have any tips for you, but I think what I have to say might give you at least a little relief.

    Much like you, I feel I have wasted my life. I'm 21 and turn 22 next week. I'm a virgin, never kissed a girl, hardly even gotten semi-physical with one other than middle school relationships that didn't mean anything. I'm going into my senior year of college and I used to go to bars and nothing ever transpired. All the girls were busy with other things and when I did make a connection with one, I was scared to make any type of move.

    To give you a little background, I was extremely popular in middle school. I was the class clown, Mr. Popular, had an uncountable amount of friends and everybody in the school knew who I was. But my freshman year I went through an unexpected experience. I have a condition called rosacea where your face gets red, but it's not like a cute blush or something. I'm very prone to my face getting beet red at the drop of a dime at it lasts for hours on end until I take a cold shower. I did not care about it at all until a teacher pointed it out one day. A few days later in a different class, I had a speech and in anticipation was nervous and turned really red and everybody laughed and pointed it out before and after my speech. Those 2 instances ruined my life as I would know it.

    After that I became a recluse. From second semester of freshman through senior year, I did nothing. I lost all friends basically. Unfortunately, alcohol is my worst trigger and in high school basically everything involves drinking. When my friends would ask to hang out, I didn't respond. I didn't want to leave my room because my face. I never went to homecoming, prom, or any parties. I didn't meet any new friends from other schools, or any girls to date. People stopped inviting me to things because I always turned them down. I just wanted to be in my room so in case my face was red, I was the only one to see it and I wouldn't be humiliated or answer why I looked like I did.

    Unfortunately, now a college senior, things have not gotten better. I started at a junior college because of my face and nervousness to leave comfort. When I transfered to uni, I knew nobody. All of my old friendships were severed and I had nothing to do. And I still don't. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been texted by someone who goes to my school, or even a single person that wasn't my blood relative. Still to this very day, I long for just single friend who I could be in the presence of and enjoy time with. Just someone to text and be a good friend too. I'm a very nice person, but unfortunately I can't be nice to anyone because I have nobody to even be nice to. Really sucks but hey I've gotten used to it, unfortunately.

    Now even though we probably have had very different life experiences, we both feel our lives are boring and we have wasted them. But the past is the past so I think at this point the only thing we can do is try to make our future better.

    I hope my post has given you a little hope and realize that you are not the only one who has experienced very closely what you have. I wish you nothing but the best, and I really hope things start looking up for you buddy. Hang tough and keep putting your best foot forward and making things happen. Message me anytime you need to :)
     
    goodnice 3.0 likes this.
  3. Don't worry, your body is still growing until 25 or so. And I hear you stop at around 40 haha. The night is forever young. Just live great tiday ;)
     
  4. ClaudeDuval

    ClaudeDuval Fapstronaut

    Greetings, Tev. I would start with getting out of your house and getting into a local gym($10-20 a month), you know what you have to do, start to train with weights and get in better shape and fix your diet. Stop smoking weed with your dopey friends... all that is going to do is cause you to cheat on your diet, become more of a recluse, and kill any motivation. If you keep this habit up it will turn into depression very quickly... If a girl seems interested in you, ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. What can happen? She says no? Oh well, move on. Don't go down this path of becoming a couch potato pot head, fast track to no where. I know plenty of people like that and I cut them out of my life... they're toxic.
     
  5. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

    155
    133
    43
    I can relate bro, I'm 20 going on 21 soon, literally in the same spot but I just got a new job and I'm balancing out the hours I work/commute/sleep with the hours I spend not working, and I will be able to do some side businesses (E-commerce/online stores) that will make me enough money to quit my job and scale up as an entrepreneur. I just got a copy of Think and Grow Rich and I'm pretty sure the secret is transmuting sexual energy into riches. Nofap is the fucking key bro, we found it but it will take everything we have, and then some to complete it.
     
  6. This answer is probably going to get me a lot of hate, but I was just like you, down to the letter.
    My friend gave me some advice some 2 years ago. Like anything in life, you have to work up to it. If you want a 9 or a 10, you've got to start of with your 2s and 3s and work your way up. The lower the rating, the more easier it will be to make mistakes and learn from it. After all, practice makes perfect. Life's a Social Ladder. You use others to get to where you need to be.
    But if you're like me, and you respect women and you don't idolize a relationship and you see it for what it is, a lot of giving without expecting anything in return, then you'll be open to a lot more opportunities that come your way. One thing NoFap has taught me is that the reason something becomes a problem is that we idolize it. We idolize pornography, we idolize our streaks, as men(some of us, me included) we idolize women. We compound our problems and blow it up to massive proportions, literally like taking an ant and putting it on a pedestal, looking up to it and thinking "Wow it's way up there!" Just because you have to look up to see the ant, does not make the ant bigger than you.

    So the only thing I can say is that whatever you're doing, be it your streak, or getting over porn, or finding a relationship worth being in, the only way to get what you want is to go out and get it. I'm 24 and just got into my first relationship at the start of the year and let me tell you, its not all sunshine and roses. There's a lot more sacrificing involved than you could ever begin to comprehend
     
  7. Chastityforlovers

    Chastityforlovers New Fapstronaut

    4
    13
    3
    So here's the thing. I have been in a slightly different situation. I'm 21, in med school. My first 3 years in college were a bit mixed. 1st year I through caution to the wind, I stared chatting up many girls, lots of older girls and I had fun but then I had a girlfriend for the next 2 years. things were good. I didn't desire to do anything sexual with her but I was PMOing a lot. Strangely it didn't affect my "sexual relationship" but it was affecting my mood. I was angry and annoyed a lot.

    So one day she told me she wanted to kiss and I was like nah. But it kept bugging me and eventually we did. But it led to us breaking up. I was gutted but it was the best thing ever. In that period I learnt about chastity. I'm also a virgin by the way.

    Being a virgin at 21 is not a bad thing. Yes, you heard me right. It's a very good thing. I guarantee you 90% of those people who lost their virginity at very young ages regret it. I believe you'll really appreciate it when you lose your virginity to somebody you love and ideally you're married to.

    But virginity is only the beginning. Instead what you should look for is to be chaste. Where PMO says this i your body taken by me, chastity says this is my body given up for you. Chastity involves using all your natural sexual energy and channeling it into doing something else. Like posting on this forum, helping other people who struggle with PMO. You'll feel much better afterwards.

    In my experience I don't really PMO because I'm crazy horny or anything like that, I PMO because I'm bored. You just need to get out of the house. And surprise surprise, socially media actually really elevates your boredom levels 'coz people are crazy fake perfect and that drives boredom through the roof, so try to choose one social media platform and let go of the rest, it helped me a lot. So what if you try something and epic fail, sure the memory will live with you for a while bu you get over it and move on. You don't have much to lose by just dropping a super cheesy pick up line to that hot girl you're helping in Walmart, she'll probably just laugh and when she does, you've got a starting point.

    The problem with porn isn't that it shows too much, it's that it shows too little. It shows just the body of the woman but she's more than that. She's got a soul, a laugh and a whole personality which is far more interesting than just the body. That's why you really get bored of looking at naked bodies on the internet, because you're just being shown a small part of the whole thing.

    My advice just look for somebody to talk to, in person. No technology no distractions. Just talk to somebody with no agenda in mind and you'll start building relationships. Start with even your family and move out.

    I talk too much. But I really need your help. Long story short, had a girlfriend who cheated on me, forgave her and moved on, but then she kept breaking things off and then coming back and over and over. Until I told her I was done. Now the weird thing is that, I absolutely have zero interest in girls. I might see a girl there but my spirit is just so crushed and tired that I don't see the point anymore. They are all just going to disappoint me or just ignore me as it usually just turns out.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. And it's just pushing me to PMO. HELP PLEASE
     
  8. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

    155
    133
    43
    I had a girl that cheated on me too bro. I believe with time and going out and seeing other girls, your life will get better. Block out the thought process that goes into thinking about that girl, and get into a flow state where you say you’re single and go out and meet new ones. Don’t go PMO it will lower your social confidence
     
    Chastityforlovers likes this.
  9. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Well, I'm a 30yo virgin, haven't been on a date in about 3 years, and only ever had one semi-serious girlfriend, almost a decade ago. I'm just starting to work on my PMO problem now. Most people my age are married with kids, but I'm still a psycho-sexual teenager. :(
     
    determined488 likes this.
  10. I'm 24 and haven't had any GF, sex or whatever, but you know what? Fuck it! I live my life as is! Trying to be a better human everyday. Not crying about my situation, just keep pushing, living, improving. I ve got some social anxiety too but im working on it. Not caring reaaaaly helps with it! God has plans for all of us, so its quite futile to worry much about where and what we are. Things will happen. Sooner or later.
    Be strong.
     
    Chastityforlovers likes this.
  11. Chastityforlovers

    Chastityforlovers New Fapstronaut

    4
    13
    3
    Thanks a lot bro. Mad respect. I'll take it in my stride
     
    determined488 likes this.
  12. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

    155
    133
    43
    Same here bro, i’m Away from home for a few weeks and i’m Living life the way I want to, I have limited internet access so there is no shot of me pmo’ing
     

Share This Page