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21 yo M (Christian) struggling with SSA and Porn addiction

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by fedex15, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. notoday

    notoday Fapstronaut

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    I completely agree with you.
    The process of leaving shame is definitely possible, and involves talking about it with people in your life.
    If you would like to connect and discuss this process feel free to message me.
     
  2. God'sPower

    God'sPower Fapstronaut

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    Hey man. I understand completely what you are talking about. I am a fellow christian struggler. Feel free to reach out if u want me to join in.
     
  3. I'm 50 and struggling the same way man. I am married 28 years with children. Looks like there's a ton of fellowship here.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. notoday

    notoday Fapstronaut

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    Yes - there's a lot of support here.
    Nofap is great for that! I'm glad we can find like minded people to share our journey with.
    Good to see you too wanting to quite PMO!
     
  5. To all the Christian men with unwanted SSA in their lives - do not give up! ))

    I am 33yo male and very much happily married, despite my ongoing struggle with SSA. To me it is just a temptation, no different than any other struggle of any other person living on this planet.

    I used to be involved in a lot of homosexual stuff when I was younger and I am not proud of it. PMO, among other things, has affected my life and my marriage in a negative way. But there is so much hope and potential in each one of us, guys!

    You really don't have to be straight to have a great marriage! It might sound contradictory to so many things you have heard, especially in churches... but I am a living proof of that. My wife and I have an incredibly intimate relationship, something I can see not many stereotypical "straight" men around me enjoy. I feel so blessed and grateful that i have not given up on my dream of fighting for what I know is the right thing to do.

    I have had unwanted SSA since I can remember. Perhaps they only became unwanted in my 20's when I chose to be a Christian. Some days and even seasons of my past life are marked with a lot of darkness, desperation and no hope or perspective whatsoever. Yet in my faith and resolve I always would get up eventually and push forward to my dreams. Being married was one of them - but even a greater dream was for me to discover my masculinity through the eyes of the Father.

    I refused to believe that I was born a mistake and a sin, I refused to believe that a loving God would condemn me to a life of torture and injustice. I stopped blaming Him for whatever temptations I got and stopped being so hard on myself when I would act in my weakness. I recovered my self-esteem and a new passion for life.

    It was very difficult - and even now still is. I have to say NO to some things in order to make room for other things. I can't have everything in this life, it is simply not possible. So I am simply committed to making the best choices I can under the circumstances and trusting God with the rest.

    I honor you all in your resolve and fight against the temporary and towards something bigger than yourselves! Keep it up and I salute you all who will be the heroes of the (very near) future!!
     
  6. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    Same struggle with SSA. I do pray to God to lift this burden from me. How do you cope up on understanding how powerful our God is and yet suffer on our daily struggles?
     
  7. Thanks for sharing today. I needed some encouragement. Be blessed!
     
  8. notoday

    notoday Fapstronaut

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    This post could not have come at a better time. I am inspired beyond words by your words bro! Thanks for rekindling my fire to fight and learn to surrender!
     
  9. I am glad I could encourage you! Keep well, brother!
     
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  10. Thrilled to hear that my words could bless you! Keep it up, man - you will succeed and overcome!
     
  11. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    @Aryangor, what other strategies you do to avoid SSA and HOCD? It’s good your wife is supportive. But I guess not all will have the same situation as yours. I do pray that someday I would be brave and able to say it to SO.
     
  12. Hey @MikeDownUnder!

    I think one of the things I do most often is an internal dialogue with myself which discredits SSA as a legitimate way of satisfaction.

    In the Bible it says that believing comes from hearing and that our words have an incredible power of life and death. So I took this principle for myself and began to speak the things which I wish and want to be into reality. Some might call it wishful thinking, and I do admit that it does not work 100% of the time - but it is very effective for me to combat this.

    I explain to myself why SSA is not the way to go for me, remind myself about who I am as a Christian, tell myself where I came from, how much I have already sacrificed to be the man I am today and talk myself towards where I am going. Something like: "Contacting this guy or looking at these pictures will only satisfy you for 10 minutes, you will regret this afterwards, you will have to bear the effect of this for the years to come, you will have to tell your wife and your accountability partners, this is an illusion and does not really exist, nothing on the screen is real, but only a dramatic trick, the people in the pictures need help themselves so I pray for their health and salvation"... etc.

    I can't avoid SSA and HOCD urges because they are classified as temptations for me and no one can avoid that. Even Jesus was tempted. But to acknowledge its arrival, to look it in the eye and to call it out as it is, without illusion or pretense, is what give me power over it and enables me to overcome it. Often it comes to me as a gentle sheep, but if I expose it as a wolf in sheep's clothing, it loses its power over me.

    Hope this helps!
     
  13. I might also add to this that I have taught myself not to be afraid to lose out in the moment for the sake of the greater goal.

    Sometimes we are so afraid that if we do not look at porn now or if we don't indulge now, the opportunity will pass away and will never come back again. This is a hedonistic (pleasure-driven) mindset which is not good for a masculine character. We have to believe that sacrificing something today will not cost us dearly, but rather be a good investment and bring us closer to something better than the momentary pleasure can offer.

    So do not be afraid to say NO to something - you can't have everything in life anyway, so missing out on pleasure is not deadly. And trust God, who said that following His principles and guidelines in your life will be more than enough rewarding! :)
     
  14. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother for sharing your insights, I do believe in what you said. I too believe and tried doing the same things. I guess I am just not strong enough to resist temptations. But yeah, I know God will give me the strength to overcome someday. I just need to keep trying. I also need to get back on my relationship with Him. And learn to say No to the enemy.
     
    notoday likes this.
  15. notoday

    notoday Fapstronaut

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    Amen!!!

    I'm actually saving this post. - so inspiring and encouraging!

    ps. have you even considered blogging about your journey/spiritual beliefs?

     
  16. Hey, @notoday!

    I thank you for your compliments! I have tried blogging 3 or 4 times in the past - and every time I have run out of steam. To me blogging is very abstract and since I do not get feedback, I abandon it eventually.

    To me a much nicer way to support people by sharing my experiences is to be responsive to their questions, such as what you have sent me via the PM. Then I get the feeling that my confessions and posts actually target a direct and a specific need and question and that brings me immensely more satisfaction than posting into the abstract ether. I also do not get much satisfaction from putting my thoughts into typed words for the sake of it. ))
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2018
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    @MikeDownUnder, I would like to challenge you on your interpretation of God's character and our ability to believe.

    If you read the verse I have submitted above, you will see that the ability to overcome in this life does not come from our own merit, but is a gift from the Lord. Because of who He is, His character and nature, He cannot but equip us with everything we need for living a godly life.

    Do not let your thoughts discourage you into feeling that you are not strong enough or mart enough or even consistent enough. You do not have to be any of those to overcome because God gives you the ability as-is, without you having to add to it.

    It is in our imperfection that God's love and power manifest. If you would be perfect in your attempts to beat PMO, would you need God? I don't think so. It is in the constant battle of having to get up from the dust again and again, motivated by God's promise of better future if we follow His ways - in this is how we can show ourselves and the world His Divine character. If you are prepared to relentlessly rise up from the ashes for someone like Jesus, it means that Jesus is worthy. Giving up on God means He is not.

    So our attitude when we come back from a binge or a relapse, whether with SSA, OSA, gay or straight or whatever porn - our resolve displays that God is a goal and a purpose worth fighting for.

    And do not say you are not strong enough! Rather admit that you do not believe that you are strong enough - because lack of faith is what always limits a man in his affairs, making him step back into the shadows. If you would really believe that someone like Jesus gave up everything for someone like you, then you would not withdraw so easily.

    God gives you strength not someday, but today! So come up and embrace it and believe that the strength needed to overcome PMO and SSA is much less that the strength needed to come up from a failure when you need to repent and try again! And the latter is what God equips us with even more readily than the former, because His Gospel is so much more about forgiveness than success!

    Bless you!
     
  18. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother for the reminder. I am a His and I know I can beat this with His power. We are His children. I will should go back to His word daily. Need to motivate myself in doing it.
     
  19. Awesome man, so proud of you! now I recognize His Light in your words and attitude! Keep it up! ))
     
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  20. Skiingfan23

    Skiingfan23 Fapstronaut

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    Im 23 and can relate. I've always liked girls, but never was in a relationship til high school. I've struggled with SSA for a while as wel.

    Being catholic it has been beyond frustrating. If you want to Talk lmk
     

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