21 yo M (Christian) struggling with SSA and Porn addiction

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by fedex15, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. IMO, guys that are homosexual but later end up in marriages with regular intercourse with women... I just do not buy it. I think it is only possible for bisexual guys to have an intimate relationship with a woman. A gay man cannot, or he cannot sustain it. Are you bisexual @Aryangor?
     
  2. Hey, IGY! )) Nice to speak to you again!

    The way how I experienced it in my life is that I learned how to have intimacy with my wife.

    To shove an erect penis into a vagina is very simple, you do not need intimacy for that. The feelings which I have cultivated and grown for her are a conscious effort which took, and still takes, time and dedication.

    About 10 years ago I never felt a desire or even a possible potential to feel about a woman the way I now feel about my wife - but my character changed so much, the way I think and the things I believe.

    Since our sexuality is very much neuroplastic, I told myself to have hope that what my brain learned about being homosexual and thinking towards my own gender can be changed, dulled and possibly undone. Perhaps in my case things have gotten far beyond the line where the damage of sexual addiction can be reversed - so I do not expect myself to be completely free of SSA for the rest of my life. But I have developed a deep sense of intimacy for my wife and I am very proud of that because I have been hoping for it and working towards this for a large part of my life.

    I also do not consider myself as a bisexual person - not in the sense that is commonly referred to today. If I am bisexual, then I would define it as having unwanted sexual arousal from objectifying men and experiencing desired sexual arousal when being spiritually and emotionally intimate, as well as physically close, to my wife. I have not (and do not desire to) developed sexual attractions for any other woman because I believe that, by original design, God created us to have one partner of opposite sex. Else we would not have a 50/50 chance for a boy or a girl and also God would have created more than one man and one woman.

    There are certain desires and needs in us which are very much legitimate, but which are unfortunately satisfied in illegitimate ways - or even not satisfied. In both cases it leaves us open and thirsty for some kind of fulfillment and the cravings can become so strong that they totally overshadow the balanced and original way the things were supposed to go. For example, it is not my fault that I received so much rejection from my male peers and family members about not being 'man enough' when I was young. But the rejection created a craving in me for masculine intimacy and attention - a craving which lasted for years and which was so strong that, when my sexuality awakened, totally redirected it from healthy attraction to the feminine into an unhealthy attraction towards masculine. I do not blame anyone or point fingers - but I decide to take responsibility over what I am feeling, to challenge and change what I can and to leave the rest at God's mercy and grace.

    Hope I shed more light from my own story towards answering your question. ))
     
    MikeDownUnder likes this.
  3. Wow. You articulated that very well. Thank you.
     
  4. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    I do somehow believe on this, but I also believe that in Christ anything is possible. I still hope I can be completely free of SSA.
     
  5. Yes @MikeDownUnder, it is a good hope to have - but all I ask you to consider is that you do not have to wait for this hope to fulfill before you can have a great and fulfilling life in Christ.
     
    MikeDownUnder likes this.
  6. Mr Anderson

    Mr Anderson Fapstronaut

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    hi @Aryangor , your messages are inspiring and wanted to ask you how you deal with ssa urges and if you enjoy sex with your wife as much as when you used homosexual content, I'm struggling with hocd and porn addiction which led me to become numb to women but with some feelings towards men that I can't tell if they're true or not anymore but considering the possibility that they're in fact true I want to prepare myself to fight for what I want in my life and that is loving my wife and enjoying an heterosexual life. Thanks a lot
     

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