21 yrs old, becoming more and more simple as years pass by

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zeke27, Oct 3, 2021.

  1. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    That's right guys, I just wanted to get this off my chest and tell you how I'm feeling. Y'all are welcome to share and comment anything you want on the matter, please be as honest as possible.
    I'm 21 years old, never had a girlfriend, never kissed one, they don't seem interested on me. To be honest, I don't know what's wrong with me, I've read a lot of things on the subject and still I cannot find the answer to this problem. I've seek for advice in The Bible and anything yet, guys I've witnessed girls chasing some other boys and going crazy about them... yet no girl has shown interest on me. One day, a girl I knew came to me just to ask me the number of a guy he had just met the day before! (this guy was an acquaintance of me, not a friend I'd say just a random guy I met in the street). Personally, this whole thing of blue/red pill you find on YT and Google doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to become an incel and I fear becoming one as some times I feel resent to girls in general because they hurt my feelings making me feel bad.
    I know some of you would say I'm complaining and not doing anything to change but I am. Say, it's been 5 months since I started doing exercise. I made myself a homemade dumbbell (12 pounds) and began doing weights, and also doing some calisthenics like push-ups, sit-ups, planks and pull-ups. I've noticed a progress since my back and shoulders have become wider and I also notice progress because some shirts I wear I notice they fit me tight now.
    The point is that, no matter how much I make effort, things are always the same. There are some things I can't change. The most bothering things that has been haunting me since I was 14 years old is my receding hairline. You see, I don't have bald spots in my scalp nor thinning hair but I have a big receding hairline. I don't notice thinning spots in my temples, just with the pass of the years without even noticing it they became deep and I have a big forehead since birth so you fancy how my head is. Besides from that my hair is dry so it's very hard to style to hide the loss at the temples or at least comb it to the front. It's very unattractive and to be honest, I don't know any girl of my age or at least of my generation (18-22 years old) that would like to be with a guy like me. I don't wanna take hair transplant surgery. I saw the scars it leaves on the scalp and it doesn't guarantee that hair won't fall in the future.
    Currently I live in the Dominican Republic. I'm white with light brown hair, 1.70 cm (5' 7''). You know here is very hard to find white people. Most girls are ebonies or black and guys are black so that means that girls are used to black men but they get bored of them and they're suppose to seek different people like me yet they don't seem to be interested.
    I know that my problem is not being attractive or having a pretty face as some would call. Just wanted to get this off my chest and I am talking with my heart and mind, being honest and transparent as possible.
     
    Team rocket 420 and determined99 like this.
  2. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Well, if you are seeking advice in the Bible, it will be tough to find answers there in my opinion. The Bible doesn’t really talk much about male/female dating relationships. And it especially doesn’t talk about female attraction and things like that. Plus, the Bible mostly emphasizes celibacy until marriage. So if you are seeking answers in the Bible, the main answer I think you will receive is to focus on a career path, and when the time is right God will provide you with a wife. The Bible also says “seek first the kingdom of God, and all the other things will be given to you as well”. The answer you will get from the Bible is to probably just join a church and attend regularly.

    however, if you are looking for a different route and want to find a woman right away, you can try going to more of a “party scene” area if they have any of those where you live? Go to a nightclub or a bar or another place where there is a lot of people and where there are women.

    Also, keep up with the working out and exercising.

    so you have a couple different routes you can take depending on what you feel is best for you.

    some characters in the Bible didn’t even get married until they were like 40 years old. So consider that, too. But whatever you like. Stay away from the porn and masturbation though no matter what. It warps the mind more than we realize
     
  3. Gregory16

    Gregory16 Fapstronaut

    Hello, I have the same problem as you, actually my case is worse than yours, I also never kissed anyone and I don't have friends either, I'm almost 25 years old and I think that I'll be virgin forever. You said that you are unattractive, but even if you are ugly, an ugly man generally find girls/boys to date some time, being unattractive it's not the only one reason. I said that like you, I have no one in my life, people don't seem interested on me even for a friendship, so I concluded that I must be very unfriendly, it's the only reason, even very shy guys have friends and some dates. So, I think you need to resolve some problems in your personality, maybe you're been unfriendly. You are still very young, you still have changes in future. One interesting thing you said, it's that you are white in a country that has a lot of black guys, so of course some girls will think that you are very different and attractive because of your skin.
     
    zeke27 likes this.
  4. MarioCorrelos

    MarioCorrelos Fapstronaut

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    I felt that way for so many years. I'm currently 32 and lost my virginity 3 years ago. I hadn't kissed a girl either up to that moment. As I have said, for so many years I felt ugly, I felt that didn't belong and came to a point where I thought I wasn't relationship material. I started working out, I had a lot of contact with people, men and women, because of my job, but even so the moment never came. So I made my mind up to be alone for the rest of my life, just like @Gregory16 just said. And it was only when I accepted that (and I say truly accepted, not only think of it, but to really believe it subconsciously), I started to feel good with myself. 5 months later, I met a girl who is now my girlfriend, and there's the irony of this, only when I stopped looking for it, it came by itself.
     
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  5. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    U are still young so you have time, work on yourself, develop body and mind. Go to gym or do a sport you like to become more manly muscles, not that you must become body builder or a model, but be healthy. Adopt healthy life style. Focus on career education future, you need a job if you want to start a family. Visit a good church so you can do character development, please try different denominations (protestant, charismatic etc) to see what is best for you.Do not pmo, well try not to do it too much, we men sometimes fail in this, but try, pmo will suck the life force out of you. Take care of your appearance , dress good, personal hygiene, watch some youtube about dating.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2021
  6. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    Women started showing interest in me after I did the above mentioned, I focused too much on education and getting a job, maybe I should have done both what I mentioned above.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2021
    zeke27 likes this.
  7. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    I just wanted to be heard and hear some advices from you guys since I do not have someone who listens to me
     
  8. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    @zeke27, cheer up, you are young, have a lot of time, but dont waste it, just follow the advices than it should be ok, you will see that the woman/girls will show interest. Some of us are like they say late bloomers.
     
  9. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    I think you will come into your own in a few years. If you're in college, keep thoughts on finishing your studies - or getting your foot into some job, regardless of position, and then look for opportunities upward or laterally. Keep working on becoming a better you. Part of the problem is that in their teens, girls mature faster than boys. However, in the twenties, boys catch up to them and even surpass them in maturity. This is why you will now see a lot of girls acting silly as if they're still school girls - still boy crazy, still gossipy, still into vanity. Their maturity will heighten again, for some but not all, and you'll find your mate. I know you'll come into your own. You are a catch for someone, believe me. Best wishes!
    .
     
  10. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    While there is some good advice in there and your intentions are good, I see this kind of thinking as a contributor to the problem.
    What the self-improvement thinking always implies is, that you're not good enough as you are which is simply not the case.
    Sure, doing sports is always a healthy endeavour, mentally and physically rewarding and will give you some confidence, but if you don't accept yoourself fully or draw your worth from your muscles, you can become mr. olympia and still feel miserable and lonely.
    Cutting out addictions and developing a good personality is great and contributes to a healthy self-worth and a good life on your own terms.
    But I can only recommend not to fall into the trap that you'd need to "level-up" to be loved by someone.

    We tend to overlook people that might be already into us or waste opportunities because we think we're not ready or some of our physical attributes are unbearable.

    Be social in ways that are possible for you, one step at a time, visit some clubs(sports, hobbies etc.) try a dating app, get yourself out there but be kind and patient with yourself.
     
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  11. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @JoeinMD for your reply. I know what you're trying to tell me and yes, I don't know how girls from my age tend to act like that, vain and mean when I remember my mom when I was a 12 year old kid that girls mature faster than boys and it's true but then you see when they have +20 years, they act in a very immature and irresponsible way, very mean I'd say.
     
  12. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Could you explain some of this you've said? It's very interesting what you're saying about self-improvement...
     
  13. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    I agree with E31. The question more or less comes down to: How much have you put yourself out there? Not just going to social functions, but how much time do you actually spend pursuing girls? If it's simply going places and waiting to be approached, it may never happen. Many girls want to be approached, not do the approaching. They want to feel pursued/desired. You can self improve yourself into the ground and still not get the response you want. Why? Because those girls you are trying to impress are likely waiting for YOU to make the first move. I may be wrong, but I think the more you put yourself out there, the better luck you'll have with the ladies. Go get 'em, tiger :)
     

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