Over the past 3 months since Dday I have learned I can't wish it away, can't will it away, can't want it away. It's not going away. What happened- happened and I can't change that. 25 years of lies aren't going to go away. Memories now tarnished aren't going to shine again. That life is over. I don't want to let go of it all, I'm angry, torn, confused, humiliated, embarrassed, above all hurt and betrayed. I didn't know my husband who is 13 years my senior was STARING at other women the whole time we've been together. I didn't know he was watching porn the WHOLE TIME even though I had caught him a few times. I knew after Dday #1 years ago he used to go to HOOTERS and tell me he was in a meeting. I KNEW he went to strip clubs and tell me he was in a meeting which led him to be a stay at home dad for YEARS. I couldn't even trust him to go to WORK. The problem with me is I got TOO CONFIDENT. I was 5 ' 7 100 lbs 32D 24 34. I was a MODEL. I didn't think he WOULD look at anyone else. I turned heads everywhere we went. He's not the jealous type. Well, look where it's gotten me..... Where I am today. An empty shell of who I used to be. For today though, I have to try to put my life back together. We have to try to put our life back together and it's not going to look the same. I don't know what it's going to look like but I'm not ready to throw my marriage away. We have a granddaughter arriving in the fall, I have a daughter that doesn't know what a broken home is and I'm not going to show her and I have 25 years invested. I still love even through the pain..... @MyWifeDeservesBetter don't make me regret it.