22 getting back on track

Hello everyone,

i have discovered nofap and the fact that it is an addiction in december 2020. Now it is march 2022 and i am back at the beginning. Well not at the total beginning because I have gained alot of experience concering nofap and live improvement in general, but at the beginning because I was already healed after a 83 day streak over july august september last year. Back then I was struggling with PIED and by my streak of 83 days which was 95% clean, I managed to get rid of it, to get a high focus, mental clarity, physical upgrades to my body due to disciplinary workouts and I even found a boy which I am now in a relationship with. Without nofap, without my healing process, I would'nt have been able to meet a boy because I was afraid of having sex. I met him and we had great sexual experiences which is awesome and what I always wanted. I messed up my 83 days streak back then because of otehr reasons, but when I met him I was again on track with i think a 3 week streak. By having sex with him regularly I somehow fell back into PMO again. Then i had some streaks which were'nt that long but most of the time saved me from having PIED symptoms, but there were also a couple of times where i didn't work in bed. We were just friends with benefits until end of february 2022.

I am doing a semester abroad right now in another european country until the end of june 2022 since beginning of february. My goal before coming here was to have a high streak when i come here and have a lot of hook ups. Well it turned out that I didn't have a streak at all when coming here and since I am here my longest streak were 14 days, this streak ended today. How did it end? by using grindr (dating app for gays). So I had one hook up here where I couldnt really get up my penis. This may be a combination of PIED, that i didnt really think the boy was attractive and the fact that I was starting to realiz how important my boy from germany is to me. Anyways since I am here my life is basically a party, I drank really often, sometimes 5 times a week and I also took drugs a couple of times. last time on friday. Maybe its also what made me think about my life again and that I should start changing some things. Thats why I am here to announce a new start. My boyfriend will come to visit me at the beginning of may and I want to show him the best of me until then. Therefore I need to make changes in my life. until he will be here it is about 1,5 months, i will use this time!

I don't know if anyone reads this or not, but I don't really care, it is more of a journal for myself. BUT if anyone reads it you are highly welcome to leave comments share your thoughts ask me something or whatever you want.

What am I trying to do here?

My PLan:​

• first of all I want to raise my awareness again for the importance of doing nofap
• I want to do this by making a detailed journal every single day, about my feelings, what I am struggling with, also normal things like what I did today and so on
• I think that the jounrnal will help me to get back on track and keep up my conciousness for my project here
• I want to develop new habits over time
• I will introduce rules every now and then because i know from experience that it won't work introducing hundreds of rules from one day to another. I think I will do this weekly

Rules for now:

• Of course: NO Porn NO Masturbation and NO Orgasm
• NO using grindr or any other dating platform
• NO using porn substitutes
• NO touching my dick except for peeing cleaning...
• Press away sexual thoughts, avoid any triggers and don't do any sort of peeking

those are the rules that are obviously necessary. Now 2 rules I want to introduce for now.​

• Cold Showers every day!
• Goto the gym 4 times a week (Push, Pull, Push, Pull)

Tomorrow I will set my day counter to day 1 so that I have a completely clean streak. I will start with my 2 rules today already.

I will destroy all my bad habits little by little. At the beginning of may I will have made big progress.

 

Day 0 (day of relapse) evening update:

i went to the gym, I had a cold shower, I told my flatmates that I am gay and I rearranged my room.

tomorrow will be the first day of my new life. In future my updates will be more detailed but I made a detailed post earlier and I need to sleep now so I can go to the gym again tomorrow.

 

Day 1: I have been to university today, had a good diet and got some stuff done. Sadly my phone fell down and the display is now a bit messed up. Right now I’m coming from the gym. It was fun and I really want to keep this going. I want to go 4 times a week. 2 are already done. I had no urges concerning no PMO. And I am aware of what I want to do. This time I will be consistent.

 

Day2 morning:

I am clean, no peeking or anything else. Had a boner when I had a call with my boyfriend though. Wanted to wake up at 10.30 but woke up at 12.15. that was not good but it won’t kill me.

 

Perfect! We will do this together! I think it’s harder to resist urges when I’m alone too but there is no way of having company all the time so we need to arrange with this and prove discipline. I will come back to your post in a more detailed way soon, I have to go to bed now, I just wanted to make my daily update.

day3:

yesterday was night with lots of alcohol and I woke up really wasted today. Had a hangover went back to sleep again and went to the fuel station. Tomorrow I have to get out of bed early because we’re doing a trip to San Sebastián and Bilbao. The urges were easy to resist but I felt a sexual energy today. It’s good to have company these days to get over the point of 7 days.

 

day 6:

I didn't do updates this weekend because I was on a trip to Bilbao and San Sebastian. I didn't really find the time for making a post, allthough i could have just checked in with a short update. Anyways, I am totally clean and didn't peek or mess up. But I feel my hornyness rising. I will have to be careful the next days. I want to be clean at least until the beginning of may and I will do it, I know how to do it and I had even bigger streaks. I will make a detailed post about my trip, and I will do detailed journaling agin now. Journaling is very important. As well I will read my post about my rules and goals again. until wednesday I have a lot of studying to do so I will be busy the next 3 days. This will help me abstain and make the PMO path in my brain get smaller until one day it will almost be non-existent.

@kraven999 thank you very much I wish you all the best too!

 

Day6 evening:

had no bigger urges today but I really miss my boyfriend a lot. We have an open relationship and he’s meeting guys now and then and I am kind of jealous. I felt like losing him but we talked about it and I am sure that he only wants me . I only want him I’m not really interested in anyone else.

tomorrow is day7 and I know that it is going to be hard but I will be very busy and I am aware of my goals!! I will do this!

 

Yes day 7 was always the hardest for me but I have done this many times already and I will do it again!

I‘m happy that I am already at a point where I have thoughts like „you messed up 2 days ago anyway So you can just jack off“. This is a serious streak and I will make it to 45 days at least!

 

I think I counted wrong, today day 9

im still strong and I don’t have big urges. I am aware of my goals. I will go to gym today.

 

Day 10:

no real urges nur i think it’s getting harder the next days. I think I’m in flatline right now. When It will end, I will have to be more careful. But I am totally aware of my mission!

I will go through this process and I will be happy to say that in the beginning of march i will have made big progress.

 

Day 11: I didn’t go to the gym on Wednesday, I didn’t go yesterday. I’m feeling sick right now, maybe I have Covid, I am coughing all the time. I think I will do a test tomorrow and if it’s negative I will go to gym tomorrow.

today I had a hangover but managed to do groceries and fuel my car. I will get some stuff done tomorrow too. I will go to a Houseparty in the evening and then I will not drink until Wednesday because then my friends will arrive for a visit. I really want to get back into gym lifestyle. And I need some strategy that makes me smoke less.

considering NoFap I feel no bigger urges although lying in bed feeling sick and not being able to sleep because of coughing is quite hard. I am still in flatline though. I really miss my boyfriend. It might also be because I’m sick but I have crazy brainfog. From experience I know that it is normal at this stage of rebooting so I am staying calm.

also flatline made me question if I am still working sexually and earlier I tried to do some peeking to find out but I know that that leads to a relapse and doesn’t do nothing good so I don’t do it. The experience I have gathered from earlier streaks is very useful. ​

 

Day 13:

Had a really nice evening yesterday. But also a hangover today.

i have no urges and I’m definitely in flatline right now I don’t feel any sexual energy. From experience I know that this is normal and I’m not gonna freak out about it. I will just keep going and not do any peeking to test if I am still working.

 

Need to correct myself, I had urges now but I resisted them

 

And I actually counted wrong, today is day 12!!

 

Day14 today:

i forgot to update yesterday but I am still completely on track. I am reaching two Weald today and I think I am still in flatline. I don’t feel big sexual energy at the moment. I was not consistent with cold showers and I smoked a little bit of weed 3 times. I wanted to stop smoking weed forever, don’t really know why I did it. Probably because I was always slightly drunk.

i was actually on grindr once because I forgot to delete it. I will do that now. When I entered the app, after 30 seconds I just closed it. Not because of my deal with myself that I wouldn’t use it, just because I didn’t want to use it, I didn’t feel any sense in scrolling through profiles randomly with out the aim of meeting someone.

I will keep going with my streak and I’m looking forward to next Monday when I can proudly say that I reached 3 weeks.

 

Day 14 done:

2 weeks of clean nofap are done! I am very proud of that. It was not really hard to be honest. I had smaller urges but not the really big ones. I had a couple hard one especially while talking to my boyfriend on the phone. I am not sticking to a healthy lifestyle of going to gym and so on. That’s bad but for now I am happy to see nofap as my number one goal and I again accept the challenge of nofap to improve my life. My mood is raising.

tomorrow will be day 15 and I will not have any classes so I have a lot of time to do productive things.

 

Day15:

i smoked weed today. I will get visit from my friends from tomorrow until Sunday. We will smoke some weed now and then. After that I will stop with this completely again.

considering no PMO I am strong. But I kind of had a peak. I was on the phone with my bf and I was constantly horny while talking to him. At some point I asked him to send me a pic of his ass and he sent a video. It was really nice but nothing more happened. I was just happy to see what’s waiting for me again. But I also know that this was basically peaking and can be dangerous. I won’t let more happen.