22M Biomedical Engineering Student from Poland Looking for Accountability Partner

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Deleted Account, Oct 29, 2021.

  1. Introduction:
    Hello, I am not sure exactly how an accountability partner works (I will give my idea of what I think it is, but feel free to provide suggestions or corrections) but I feel I am in such a despairing situation that I need someone to keep me in check. I have been suffering with pornography addiction for so long now and every attempt has ended in failure.

    So, I am 22M, I am living in Poland and I am in my last semester of Biomedical Engineering. Needless to say, there have been many ups and downs in my life as I am sure there are in the lives of others.

    My Offer:
    What I would like to do is to have our conversations on Telegram so we get instant feedback in case one of us feels we want to relapse. Additionally, I was thinking of also having sessions where we would have video calls but with us carrying on with normal activities (like the study partner concept) or having a video call to quell our urges by meditating in front of one another, so in essence with someone else being present we will lose some momentum in turning to pornography and we will make use of these sessions when we feel the urges are so great that we cannot contain them (we will of course have differences in schedules and activities so this will of course increase the difficulty of achieving such aims, but I am willing to try and to be patient). Because of this, I would like someone who would be in the same timezone as I. Though be that as it may, we should employ a policy where we do not speak explicitly on the camera and talk using some code words so that way we maintain some level of trust in that we cannot blackmail each other. The world is admittedly a very dark place, and I am sure there are some people who would like to try to get some "juicy" material on others to later blackmail them with.

    My Philosophy:
    The approach I have recently taken to NoFap is that of soberness with compassion. I do not want to go for high risk-high reward type rehabilitative tactics. Some may view me as weak, but I think trying the David Goggins approach or other approaches like that to recovery is a road to disaster. Sure, it has a high reward, but pushing yourself so hard and so harshly usually ends in disaster for a lot of people with many sinking into even more despair. I believe that the majority of cases involving addiction are due to trauma of some sort, and people who have gone through trauma just want to be understood. Sure, self-development is very important and is an obligation of everyone, but if the drive to self-development comes from a place of self-hatred or trying to put on a mask to please others it will always fail and will likely lead to even more relapses. I thought I became a user of pornography because I was simply lazy and bored, but as time went by I realised I was narcissistically abused during my childhood. I also realised that despite studying so hard and always trying to improve myself in other ways such as in physical fitness, I still had memory problems and impulse issues. This is because abuse, whether emotional and/or physical, does change the brain and makes one more susceptible to addictions as well as limiting higher cognitive capacities.

    To prevent this post from becoming too long, these are the videos I am referencing:

    I expected that doing the Wim Hoff method and trying to work myself like a Spartan would be fulfilling to me, but as the days went by doing these methods my mood got worse and worse and I would always find myself relapsing. This is because I wasn't doing these methods from a place of self-love and compassion, I was doing them from a place of hatred for the self and feeding the false mask I wanted to show to others in which it seems I am also borderline narcissistic. But my point is that self-development has to be accompanied with self-love or true love from another person. I believe we gaslight ourselves when we think we got addicted simply because of laziness or boredom.

    Edit: I also do not like the way that tactics to free oneself from pornography are portrayed. That there is "monk-mode" and one can get so many superpowers from NoFap. I do not want to treat it as a game.

    The Partner I Want:
    It is a must for my partner to be in the same timezone as I and to have as a goal permanent victory over pornography and masturbation addiction. I also want to have a study partner at the same time and someone who is willing to have video calls (but of course, with the rule being enforced that we cannot talk in such a way that others can blackmail us with our video calls). So, if you are interested and like-minded, please send me a message giving a brief introduction of yourself. Lastly, we should be honest with ourselves if we feel our relationship is not working, so if we find we are not a good match then we should not hesitate to tell each other about how we feel and have a clean break.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2021
  2. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

  3. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    hey, i would like to partner up. I can't send a message to you though

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