22yrs old, beat alcohol and drug addiction, NEED to overcome pornography

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Revival97, Sep 21, 2019.

  1. Revival97

    Revival97 New Fapstronaut

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    It’s 1:30am on a Friday night and I just failed for probably the 10th time in the past 18 months at quitting pornography and masturbation. I felt the desire building, I knew what I was doing would bring me sadness and pain, but I went ahead anyway. I’ve tried so many times to quit on my own, too embarrassed to ask for help about these issues. Tonight I decided to turn to NoFap as I don’t know where else to turn. I’m going for a PM free lifestyle.

    18 months ago I quit alcohol and drugs. I had gotten arrested for the second time for alcohol and drug related issues. I was sent to rehab instead of jail and it changed my life. I learned valuable tools to beat my addictions. I went to AA, confided and leaned on a close support group. 18 months ago I was in the darkest depths of despair, but today my life is much better. Better is a subjective term though. For I was able to stay away from the bottle, but masturbation/pornography is like having the bottle in your hand 24/7 and trying not to drink.

    Pornography has chased me through my life. When I was 12, I remember finding out my iPod could connect to the internet. It started off so simply. I’d type in boobs and get excited. It wasn’t long until I found real porn. I had never kissed a girl, but I found BDSM porn and other extreme porn off the bat. It took awhile for me to actually gravitate to that area, but soon enough I did.

    Pornography at such a young age is the reason I believe I have anxiety induced erectile dysfunction. I can count way more times I failed to have sex than actually succeeding. It has brought such immense shame. The first time I tried to have sex at age 15 I failed. The last time I tried to have sex at age 20 I failed. I used to blame my failure to achieve an erection on alcohol. I’d say “ahh fucking whiskey dick”. I actually believed it. What I believe now is that while yes I often drank and did too many drugs, it was actually the opposite cycle. I was ashamed of myself, my anxiety, and my porn use so I drank to numb the pain and anxiety. That just in turn led to the self-fulfilling prophecy of not being able to perform.

    I remember in college coming to the conclusion that I could either not drink and maybe have sex (wasn’t even sure that would work, now I know it wouldn’t) or drink and just not have sex. Shame led me to the second option every time, even if I wanted to try the first.

    What started off as simply typing boobs on an iPod at 12 has led to me watching/listening to hypnotic femdom porn. I have shifted from even reputable sites to back alleys of the internet. I don’t know why I can’t quit. I KNOW it’s bad...but I can’t stop.

    Like we say in AA, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    Tonight I am fighting for my life back. I’m done trying my old approaches. I downloaded a porn blocker and I’m here laying my life at strangers’ feet. I got rid of so many vices, but this one is the root of so many of my issues. I don’t care about being some sexual stud. I don’t care about making up for all my past failures. I care about being able to love a woman and love myself.

    Starting now.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
  2. Allen Hiltbrand

    Allen Hiltbrand Fapstronaut

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    I got rid of my iPod. And bought a flip phone. It helped me. I just cant look at it all.
     
  3. Coffee Candy

    Coffee Candy Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

    Here is just some advice:

    First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum, there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

    Then secondly I just strongly advise you to be active on your profile(as there quite a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

    People (are beginning to) love communicating in the profilesection..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal. Make sure and be grateful for the help you received and help after receiving some. Invest in some people's journeys. We could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

    Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     
  4. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use theNoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | ForumRules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the manychallenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
  5. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    The delta-fosb builds up after the regret you feel from cumming to femdom porn which is why it becomes addictive. I have a thread in my profile for getting rid of femdom addiction.
     
  6. TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

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