23, 6 years PIED, Porn Free 1 Year and Still Struggling

Hi, I’m 23 and have been dealing with PIED for 6 years now and am in need of some advice. I guess I’ll start from the beginning of my story up to where I am now.

I started to PMO later than most people. I was a sophomore in high school, but once I started it became an every day, sometimes multiple times a day thing. At first I would be insanely turned on by watching the most basic porn, and could easily get off without porn by just fantasizing, but tbh, I eventually wound up having some sick twisted fantasies and watching some pretty hardcore porn. By the time I had my first girlfriend as a senior in high school, I had only been watching porn and fantasizing for a couple years, but I did it at least once a day and if not, two or three times. Never once had an erection problem, and I was really hard with my girlfriend up until it was time to have sex. I would completely lose my erection and this continued the entire time we dated until we split.

I was a freshman in college when I got my next chance to sleep with a girl. That first year I’d been with plenty of girls and only one was able to get me off from head, but my erections kept getting weaker and I was never able to successfully have sex. This entire time I was still watching porn. As you would expect, my concern with my erections grew and I told my Dad and went to a doctor. My testosterone levels were through the roof and I was completely healthy, so they told me I just had performance anxiety, but at this point I’d already felt comfortable being around girls so I knew that couldn’t be it. I think that’s when I came across poem addiction, PIED and NoFap.

I didn’t know whether to believe if NoFap worked or if PIED was a real thing so I stayed on the porn on and off for the next 2 years, but I had been watching it a significantly less amount than before. Maybe once a week or less. I tried watching some more basic porn and struggled to keep erect to that, but could still get off only if I was sitting or laying on my back. If I stood up I’d lose my erection immediately. Never at any time (besides climax sometimes) did my erections feel strong enough for sex, and I’d sometimes lose it mid-fap. My erections were never 100%, until my curiosity got the better of me and I watched one gay porn video. I got as hard as I used to when I first started watching and got off by barely even touching myself. Honestly, this scared the shit outta me and I became really worried. I questioned my sexuality for a bit, but I concluded that I’m not gay, I just have a serious porn addiction problem and need something novel to turn me on. I was still very drawn to girls in person, and when I would hookup with them I’d get very turned on, I just couldn’t get hard and would end up blue balled instead.

Well I’d say the gay porn incident was the final straw that made me realize it’s time for a change. I needed some seriously sick stuff to get turned on, and I was very tired of not being able to perform for some of the beautiful women that wanted to sleep with me.

Fast forward to now, I have been open free for an entire year, but would still MO for probably the first 9 months to basic fantasy (although the erections were never that great). I stopped doing MO 3 mo the ago in hopes it would help speed up my recovery. 6 months ago I had a fling with a girl for one month, and each time I saw her my erections got a little better and almost good enough to have sex. Right before we went our separate ways, I remember being in the car with her and she held my hand and I got really hard, then later we went in my hot tub and I was almost hard enough for sex, which I thought would never happen in a hot tub of all places. I feel like if she stayed around a little longer I would’ve been able to have sex with her. Since that time, I’ve had three hookups, and each time my dick has been almost completely lifeless. I’m flatlined really hard right now, and just last night I hooked up with this absolutely gorgeous girl and couldn’t get hard at all. Luckily, after all this time of being Mr. Limpdick, I’ve gotten pretty good at pleasuring girls in other ways so I still got her off, but when she tried to return the favor she only had a floppy noodle to work with. It kinda sucked cause I clicked with this girl like no other girl I’ve been with in the past.

I honestly think that if I keep seeing this girl, or any for that matter, eventually I would be able to have sex, but that’s not an option since I was only visiting town for the night we hooked up before flying home across the country. So I won’t be seeing her again, although I’d really like to.

So as you can see I’ve had a tough time with porn addiction and PIED. I’ve missed out on being with many great women, I’ve never had good sex, I’ve questioned my sexuality, and I’m just barely holding onto hope.

My last bit of hope is that I’ve never seen the same girl for longer than a month, and maybe I just need a longer term partner to help me rewire. The girl I was with 6 months ago proved to me that this might be the case, because when we first started hooking up it felt like my dick didn’t exist, but just before we split I got rock hard from holding her hand.

Does anybody have any experience similar to this, and if so, did seeing the same partner help you overcome PIED? Any other advice would be welcomed.

 

Appreciate the response. I’ll stay the course just cause it’s getting pretty easy to stay away from P and MO at this point. And no worries about the fitness stuff, I’m in the military and my MOS is very physical so it’s my job to stay in excellent shape lol