23 años : larga historia ,viaje con muchos antibajos

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Lautaro x24, May 19, 2019.

  1. Lautaro x24

    Lautaro x24 New Fapstronaut

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    Primera vez que participo en esto o que comparto con alguien este tema , perdón si soy directo pero mi historia es algo larga .

    No recuerdo bien a que edad empecé con el porno pero creo que fue a los 10 u 11 años , miraba por televisión a escondidas ,sin embargo no había masturbación , y supongo que era algo normal o inofensivo ,igual no hubo mucho problema con eso .Cuando llego el uso del celular y el internet en mi vida , fue cuando empezó algo horrible de lo que me arrepiento . Empecé a mirar porno en mi computadora y mi celular , y cuanto mas mejoro el internet en mi casa ,mas adicto me fui volviendo .Y lo peor fue que había encontrado una forma de masturbarme que se me hacia cómodo y que me permitía hacerlo prácticamente todo el tiempo en mi habitación ,aun cuando estaba mi familia en casa , el llamado PRONE o boca abajo , fue lo que realmente me volvió un adicto compulsivo , por ser tan fácil poder hacerlo sin parar todos los días si quería .También fui yendo del soft-porno a porno más fuerte ,aberrante y hasta de lo más patético ,como el freeze o time stop , o el de congelar a las chicas para poder follartelas ,o incluso porno japonés de lo más patético. Esto que miraba ,me estaba diciendo sin darme cuenta que clase de persona me estaba convirtiendo .


    A cierta edad de mi infancia , sufri bulling ,sin embargo al empezar la secundaria y con un nuevo grupo de compañero ,la cosa fue mucho mejor ,y pude pasar relativamente tranquilo la escuela .Sin embargo , siempre fui tímido ,ansioso ,y el porno solo empeoro aun mas esto ,me hizo muy introvertido ,nervioso y vago ,muy muy vago .Tenía amigos e incluso alguna amigas o compañeras que me hablaban ,sin embargo mi maldita timidez y ansiedad y vagancia ,producida (en parte )por el porno ,no me dejo desarrollarme mentalmente con respecto a socializar y cada vez me sentía mas incomodo .Jamás pude tener novia ,ni siquiera besar a una chica, aunque hasta cierto punto no me importaba ,total ,tenia el porno…


    Termine la escuela , estuve dos años buscando trabajo ,y realizando cursos pequeños para desarrollarme, sin embargo ,seguía estando vago ,sin motivación y sin despegar ,y después de un largo rato , ya me empezó a preocupar ,no podía conseguir trabajo ,una novia ,amigos si , pero una chica ,aunque sea charlar ,me seguía costando horriblemente ,y eso empezó a deprimirme.

    Finalmente pude conseguir trabajo ,gracias a una amiga de mi madre ,y llevo aun 3 años en él, aunque con antibajos ,mucha inseguridad y depresión ,pero que poco a poco lo fui resolviendo. Finalmente salí con una chica un día ,no era la indicada para mi ,pero ey, tuve mi primer beso en serio a los 21 años .Después tuve un encuentro fugas con una señora de 45 años aproximadamente , estaba desesperado por tener sexo ,aquí fue cuando algo me dolió enserio ,no pude tener una erección ,o mejor dicho no hubo penetración ,no podía …lo intente dos noches y no pude . Me preocupe mucho ,pero pensé en ese entonces , “no pude porque no me gustaba ,era una vieja ,si puedo con una chica de mi edad ,seguro lo hare “ . Mientras tanto ,seguía con el maldito porno .

    Empecé a ir al gimnasio ,a hacer natación ,a hacer actividades para quitarme la depresión y conocer gente ,aunque me costaba ,y finalmente ,a finales del año pasado empecé a salir con una compañera de natación ,todo fue prometedor ,lindo ,nos besábamos ,le gustaba aunque era tímido ,hasta que una noche me invito a un boliche a bailar .Yo había salido con mis amigos antes ,nunca pude bailar bien , y me sentía muy incomodo en esos lugares ,pero trataba de divertirme .Fui con esta chica ,tratando de relajarme y tener confianza ,y al momento de la acción ,fue la noche mas horrible que tuve :No solo no pude bailar ,sino que no podía ni moverme ,y tuve que decirle que quería salir de ahí (y no había pasado ni media hora) ,ella no quería perder la conexión ,fuimos a un hotel a pasar la noche , y paso lo que debí imaginarme ,no tuve una erección ,nada ,ni siquiera podía hacer nada ,solo lamentarme y evitar llorar .

    Desde esa noche nada fue igual ,me hablo con esa chica ,es mi compañera de natación ,tratamos de que este todo bien ,pero ella se siente incomoda conmigo ,ya no quiera nada de noviazgo ,ya me toma como alguien inmaduro ,directamente ya no me toma en serio ,somos amigos ,pero muy muy incómodamente ,y no quiero eso.

    Esa horrible noche que pase fue la que me abrió los ojos ,empecé a investigar ,encontré NOfap ,los riesgo de la adicción al porno .En el fondo lo sabia pero nunca tome conciencia , o no me importaba porque tenia muy baja autoestima ,y no pensaba en poder conseguir una novia .Asi que empecé el reto 90 dias , y al primer intento… LO CONSEGUI ¡!! 90 dias sin porno ni masturbarme ,mejore mi rendimento en el gimnasio y natación y me sentía con mucha energía ,y sentía que mi disfunción eréctil se curaba .Sin embargo , algo no andaba bien. Cuando estaba de vacaciones ,las mañanas eran de ejercicio ¡!!pero las tardes … navegar en internet. ASI es ,cuando se terminaron mis vacaciones ,sentí que las había desperdiciado ,tome conciencia ,que también era un adicto a navegar en internet , (cosa que también estoy superando poco a poco ) .Sin embargo seguía sin ver porno ,aunque comencé a masturbarme semanalmente ,de forma normal ,(parado ) ,y me sentía bien y saludable. Mi siguiente objetivo era aprender a bailar ,e ir dejando o reduciendo el internet y mantenerme ocupado .


    Sin embargo……. Y la razón por la que estoy scribiendo aquí , después de 100 dias ,recaí , tuve una gran depresión y recaí ,y fue con un atracón aparte ,empecé a mirar imágenes porno en mi trabajo y antes de darme cuenta ,hice el prone en mi casa en la noche .10 dias después ,volví a recaer ,empecé a buscar métodos para bloquear el porno de mi celular ,y cuando encontraba una forma , hallaba otra de ver porno y volví a recaer .Finalmente pude bloquear mi celular al completo para no ver porno ,todo empezó a verse prometedor ,empezó un dia un curso de baile de salsa y bachata , para aunque sea ,moverme en un boliche , y por supuesto ,estar mas cómodo con las mujeres , empezar a sentirlas como personas .Sin embargo ,esa misma noche me habían asaltado ,me robaron mi billetera ,mis documentos y el celular ¡!.Fue amargo y deprimente para mi ,pero pensé “bueno asi descanso del teléfono ,y no recaigo” . Prendi mi computadora para hacer los tramites en caso de robo ,me de alguna forma ,empecé a mirar porno ,descontroladamente ,necesitaba masturbarme urgente ,y tenia que ser en prone , porque era la única forma de hacerlo en el momento con mi familia en casa .Pero como si no tengo celular ahora ??? no puedo hacer prone con la computadora de escritorio ,asi que use la notboock de mi padre ,y me masturbe acostado ,y cuando termino su batería ,tome el celular de mi madre mientras dormía ,y seguí masturbándome acostado … dos noches con atracón …!!!


    Y bueno amigos ,esa es toda mi historia ,quería contar toda mi experiencia hasta ahora ,pero lo ultimo es por lo que estoy escribiendo aquí .Logre el reto 90 dias a la primera ,pero ahora no puedo estar mas de 10 dias si recaer ,y con atracones ,y por mas que bloquee el porno de mi alcance ,encuentro formas cada vez mas patéticas de verlo (porque recuerden ,que lo miro acostado para masturbarme). Estoy desesperado ,necesito ayuda ,aunque este problema jamas se lo conté nadie ,asi que descargarme esto me ayudaría mucho , lo sabré si me comentan por favor ¡!!

    Por ahora mis metas son :

    Dejar el porno para quitarme ,la anciedad ,mi incomodidad y mi disfucion eréctil

    Tener mas confianza con las mujeres y con todos en general

    Y aprender a bailar ,quiero salir a divertirme con mi compañera de natación , no se si quiero que sea mi novia ,pero aunque sea quiero que se sienta cómoda conmigo ,y yo también quisiera estar cómodo ,y descubrir formas de alcanzar la felicidad si recurrir a la via fácil del porno ¡!!

    PD : si fui muy largo y nada directo ,pero les pido por favor consejos para no decaer otra vez , quiero ser un verdadero hombre y tener el control de mi vida ¡!
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "Lautaro x24, post: 2056361, member: 326480"] First time that I participate in this or that I share with someone this topic, sorry if I'm direct but my story is somewhat long.

    I do not remember well at what age I started with porn but I think it was 10 or 11 years old, I watched on TV secretly, however there was no masturbation, and I guess it was normal or harmless, there was not much problem with that. When the use of the cell phone and the internet came into my life, it was when I started something horrible that I regret. I started watching porn on my computer and my cell phone, and the more I improve the internet at home, the more addicted I became. And the worst thing was that I had found a way to masturbate that made me comfortable and that allowed me to do practically everything the time in my room, even when my family was at home, called PRONE or face down, was what really made me a compulsive addict, because it was so easy to do it without stopping every day if I wanted to. I was also going from soft-porn to stronger, aberrant and even pathetic porn, like the freeze or time stop, or freeze the girls to be able to fuck you, or even the most pathetic Japanese porn. What I was looking at, he was telling me without realizing what kind of person I was becoming.


    At a certain age of my childhood, I suffered bulling, however when I started high school and with a new classmate, the thing was much better, and I was able to spend relatively quiet school. However, I was always shy, anxious, and porn I only got worse this, it made me very introverted, nervous and vague, very vague. I had friends and even some friends who talked to me, however my damn shyness and anxiety and vagrancy, produced (in part) by porn, I did not let myself develop mentally with regard to socializing and every time I felt more uncomfortable. I could never have a girlfriend, not even kiss a girl, although to some extent I did not care, total, I had porn ...


    I finished school, I spent two years looking for work, and doing small courses to develop myself, however, I was still lazy, without motivation and without taking off, and after a long time, I began to worry, I could not get a job, a girlfriend , friends yes, but a girl, even if it was a chat, it still cost me horribly, and that started to depress me.

    Finally I was able to get a job, thanks to a friend of my mother's, and I have been in it for 3 years, although with anti-vibrations, a lot of insecurity and depression, but little by little I was solving it. Finally I went out with a girl one day, it was not the right one for me, but hey, I had my first serious kiss at 21 years old. After I had a leakage encounter with a lady of approximately 45 years, I was desperate to have sex, here it was When something really hurt, I could not have an erection, or rather there was no penetration, I could not ... I tried two nights and I could not. I worry a lot, but I thought back then, "I could not because I did not like it, I was an old woman, if I can with a girl my age, I'm sure I will". Meanwhile, I was still with the fucking porn.

    I started to go to the gym, to do swimming, to do activities to get rid of my depression and meet people, even though it cost me, and finally, at the end of last year I started going out with a swimming partner, everything was promising, nice, we kissed He liked me although I was shy, until one night he invited me to a dance club. I had gone out with my friends before, I could never dance well, and I felt very uncomfortable in those places, but I tried to have fun. I went with this girl , trying to relax and have confidence, and at the time of the action, it was the most horrible night I had: Not only could I not dance, but I could not move, and I had to tell him that I wanted to get out of there (and it had not happened not half an hour), she did not want to lose the connection, we went to a hotel to spend the night, and what happened I should have imagined, I did not have an erection, nothing,I could not even do anything, just regret and avoid crying.

    Since that night nothing was the same, I talk to that girl, she is my swimming partner, we try to make it all right, but she feels uncomfortable with me, she does not want any engagement, she takes me as immature, directly no longer He takes me seriously, we're friends, but very, very uncomfortably, and I do not want that.

    That horrible night that happened was the one that opened my eyes, I started to investigate, I found NOfap, the risk of addiction to porn. Deep down I knew it but never became aware, or I did not care because I had very low self-esteem, and I did not I thought about getting a girlfriend. So I started the challenge 90 days, and on the first try ... I GOT IT !! 90 days without porn or masturbate, I improved my performance in the gym and swimming and I felt very energetic, and I felt that my erectile dysfunction healed. However, something was not right. When I was on vacation, the mornings were for exercise, but afternoons ... surfing the internet. So, when my holidays were over, I felt that I had wasted them, be aware, that I was also addicted to surfing the internet, (something that I am also surpassing little by little). However I still did not watch porn, although I started to masturbate weekly, in a normal way, (stopped), and I felt good and healthy. My next goal was to learn to dance, and leave or reduce the internet and keep me busy.


    But nevertheless……. And the reason why I'm writing here, after 100 days, I relapsed, I had a great depression and relapsed, and it was with a binge apart, I started looking at porn images in my work and before I knew it, I prone it in my home in the night. 10 days later, I relapsed again, I started looking for methods to block the porn from my cell phone, and when I found a way, I found another way to watch porn and I relapsed again. Finally I was able to block my cell phone completely so as not to watching porn, everything started to look promising, one day I started a dance course of salsa and bachata, for some reason, to move in a bowling alley, and of course, to be more comfortable with women, to begin to feel them as people. However, That same night they had assaulted me, they stole my wallet, my documents and my cell phone! It was bitter and depressing for me, but I thought "well, I rest from the phone, and I do not relapse". I turned on my computer to do the paperwork in case of theft, I somehow, I started watching porno, uncontrollably, I needed to masturbate urgently, and it had to be prone, because it was the only way to do it at the moment with my family at home But as if I do not have a cell phone now ??? I can not prone with the desktop computer, so I used my father's notboock, and he masturbated me lying down, and when I finished his battery, I took my mother's cell phone while he slept, and I continued to masturbate ... two nights with binge ...! !! because it was the only way to do it at the moment with my family at home. But as if I do not have a cell phone now ??? I can not prone with the desktop computer, so I used my father's notboock, and he masturbated me lying down, and when I finished his battery, I took my mother's cell phone while he slept, and I continued to masturbate ... two nights with binge ...! !! because it was the only way to do it at the moment with my family at home. But as if I do not have a cell phone now ??? I can not prone with the desktop computer, so I used my father's notboock, and he masturbated me lying down, and when I finished his battery, I took my mother's cell phone while he slept, and I continued to masturbate ... two nights with binge ...! !!


    And good friends, that's my whole story, I wanted to tell all my experience so far, but the last thing is for what I'm writing here. Get the challenge 90 days to the first, but now I can not be more than 10 days if I relapse, and with binges, and however much I block the porn of my reach, I find more and more pathetic ways of seeing it (because remember, I watch it lying down to masturbate). I'm desperate, I need help, although this problem never told anyone, so download this would help me a lot, I'll know if you comment please!

    For now my goals are:

    Leave porn to get rid of me, anxiety, my discomfort and my erectile dysfunction

    Have more confidence with women and with everyone in general

    And learn to dance, I want to go out and have fun with my swimming partner, I do not know if I want to be my girlfriend, but even if I want to feel comfortable with me, and I would also like to be comfortable, and discover ways to achieve happiness if resort to the easy way of porn !!

    PD: yes I was very long and nothing direct, but I ask you please advice to not decay again, I want to be a real man and have control of my life! [/ QUOTE]

    Hi, I'm glad you're here! Keep coming back. I'm sorry no one welcomed you sooner.
     
  3. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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