23 days no PMO, and a sexual encounter

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TheWarrant, Jun 25, 2017.

  1. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    Hello All,

    I've been suffering from PIED, essentially which has been preventing me from having the rock-hard lasting erections I used to enjoy.

    I haven't PMO'd in 23 days.

    This weekend I had my first sexual encounter since I undertook this new lifestyle. I met up with a girl I like and we went out for drinks. We finished off a few bottles of wine and had a few shorts, so quite a lot of alcohol.

    We went back to mine and made out. This led to me undressing her, and engaging in foreplay. I touched her with my hands and mouth, she came and it was great. I would say I had a semi-erection during this, but I wasn't massively aroused. I told her that I'm abstaining for any sexual activity (on my end) for 90 days as a test of my will and determination. She asked no further questions regarding this.

    She rubbed my dick a bit, but never really pursued it as I joked about her breaking my willpower and she respected that.

    I'm just thinking out loud here, posting my thoughts I guess, but also asking a question. How long before I get back to having erections when fumbling around with a girl? I have absolute confidence in NoFap, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly anxious when she touched me. I want results now, but I guess that's not realistic.

    Overall, I don't feel that aroused on a day-to-day basis, which helps me in my abstention.

    The next time I do anything sexual with this girl I think I will allow her to touch me more, maybe even give me a blowjob - and see if that arouses me enough to get a full-on erection.

    Does anyone have any thoughts?

    Appreciate your responses.

    FYI, I am 22.
     
  2. jipsikid

    jipsikid Fapstronaut

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    Remember that alcohol is a depresant and makes it hard for you to get an erection. If you go out again with this girl try no to drink that much so that you can get hard.
     
    grman likes this.
  3. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for responding!

    Very true. Alcohol definitely can weaken erections - which is annoying. Next time, I will try to drink less. Would you know which alcohol has less of an effect on the ability to achieve an effective erection?
     
  4. YngwieWanksteen

    YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

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    Unless I am mistaken by what makes alcohol addictive, alcohol is alcohol is alcohol. It all has the same effect. The only difference is how much is in a certain type of drink.
     
  5. onmyway

    onmyway Fapstronaut

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    Well. I don’t want to praise alcohol. But my experiences are kind of different. And I know that for one of my best friends it’s the same.

    Sure, if you’re really drunk – and probably after a few bottles of wine and shorts as well you are quite drunk – many things are not possible anymore, not only erections.

    But I think a bit of alcohol can be a good relaxation as well. I think that erection problems often have their roots in mental patterns. One wants to have a strong erection, give the girl lots of pleasure, be a super lover and so on. Everyone who already experienced how it is not to have an erection when you are with a girl that wants to have sex knows how embarrassing that can be. And if it didn’t work and you felt embarrassed the next time the pressure to perform well might be even bigger.

    At least I experienced it like this. For me, my erectile problems once had much to do with fears and these mental patterns of expectations. When I had drunk a bit of alcohol – not too much but not too little as well – my mind was not involved that much anymore. I could better let go of myself, my erection was stronger and even lasted much longer since I was less sensitive. It might sound strange but some of the greatest sexual encounters in my life happened under the influence of alcohol.

    You write that you were slightly anxious when she touched you. I can imagine that this was mainly the erection killer and not the PMO 23 days before. In my view, letting go of fears is the important thing. So I think I would allow her to touch you more or even give you a blowjob the next time. But you have to decide it for yourself. I’m on a PM, not on a PMO journey.

    I wish you all the best and would like to read from you again.
     
  6. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    Hello and many thanks for your detailed response and personal insight. It's really appreciated and I find it helpful to draw on your experience(s).

    I definitely see the logic in what you are saying. Alcohol definitely does relax me. But allow me to be a bit clearer in regard to my above post. While myself and my date did drink a fair amount, we did also leave a good amount of time before we started fooling around (we walked home) - so the alcohol had begun to wear off by that point.

    It's possible that reduced tipsiness increased my anxiety and made me more aware, but reduced my chances of performance.

    At present, I'm on a PMO journey - but that is only to give myself the best chance of rebooting successfully. I will (when able) return to the O, and look forward to having a great sex life again. That is my ultimate goal.

    I will never return to P and at this present moment, I don't want to return to the M either.

    I will keep you updated as to my journey. I wanted to wish you the best of luck with your endeavour and I hope this lifestyle change meets every expectation which you have of it.

    Warm Regards,
    The Warrant
     
    onmyway likes this.
  7. onmyway

    onmyway Fapstronaut

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    I can understand you very well. Having a great sex life would be so fantastic! That’s also my main motivation for my PM fight right now, which is partly a PMO fight as well. I never want to get back to porn either. That’s why on Monday I deleted my complete porn collection.

    Thanks for your wishes! As already put down, I wish you all the best, too! Also for your connection with that girl you mentioned. According to your posts she seems to be nice, warm and understanding…
     
  8. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. She is definitely nice, warm and understanding.

    I don't want to sound judgmental, but she is not the type of girl I would consider dating full-time. She smokes a lot of weed and cigarettes. She drinks a lot and is a party girl. Her goals are incompatible with mine.

    I'm trying to build a successful career and considering further postgraduate study. For this, I need to have complete focus, which I don't think I could have with a relationship with this girl.

    Also, she is younger than I and is returning to college in the fall. The distance isn't so great. However, I have many things in my life which don't lend themselves to such a situation. I work long hours Monday-Friday and on weekends I have to deal with other responsibilities relating to the health of a close family member.

    However, whereas in the past I was overly critical and judgemental, with this girl, I'm relaxed - and happy for her to be who she is. I wouldn't dare change her and we will go with the flow, I'm sure.
     
  9. onmyway

    onmyway Fapstronaut

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    Sounds good!

    If you know what you want you can manage the relationship, friendship, affair or whatever you would call it that you have with her clearly. May be she is a so called important puzzle piece in your whole story. In my experience some encounters that seem meaningless at first change a lot in other ways.

    I was with a girl when I was younger and stayed in France for some months, that I didn’t want to have a serious relationship with as well. I knew it would have no future. I told it to her honestly. We had an affair and it really was ok for her. We had very great sex, may be even because our relationship was not that serious and free of all that limiting stuff that often comes with a tight binding. I think she profited a lot of our time together. I was older as well and could so to say teach her a bit about life, give her some orientation, inspire her. She gave me a lot of warmth and in general a sweet pleasant time.
     
  10. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    I think sometimes a relationship that isn't serious from the off-set is the best kind. It doesn't engender hopes of anything more and in that regard - it's fairer for both parties.

    I wanted to update you - and the post about what happened last night.

    I met up with the same girl. We went out to a nbar and drunk a couple of bottles of wine. We then went back to mine. My parents were in, so it wasn't appropriate for us to have sex. However, when we kissing, and I was touching her I began to achieve an erection. I would say it was about 70% hard (compared to my absolute hardest). FYI, this was without her touching me at all and I was also wearing pretty restrictive tight underwear. I cannot say that I was extremely aroused - I wasn't having uncontrollable urges to have sex, but I am still pleased with this progress.

    I don't know when I will have this girl back in my bedroom. However, I'm confident that once I complete the 90 days of NO PM (and maybe O) that I will be good to go.
     
  11. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I'm definitely in agreement with the "you drank too much" crowd. By your own admission, you guys had a lot to drink.

    One or two drinks usually won't make a shred of difference in your ability to get an erection, but there's definitely a threshold where you start slowing down the brain so much that it doesn't respond to stimuli like it should.
     
  12. onmyway

    onmyway Fapstronaut

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    Well I think that both kinds of relationships have their pros and cons. I think it depends on the life situation you are in. A stable long-term relationship can give you a lot when you found the right partner. But when you are still young and want to experience yourself it can have many advantages not to bind yourself strictly to one certain partner. If both know about that definition of the relationship there is no problem.

    Well I don’t know how much would be too much. I think it always depends on the circumstances. Nevertheless a couple of bottles of wine for sure is not just a bit. Have you already been out with the girl and drunk no alcohol at all?
     
  13. TheWarrant

    TheWarrant Fapstronaut

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    No, I only really drink alcohol on Friday/Saturday evenings - which is the only time I can see this girl (due to my busy life/work schedule) - I will meet up with her and not drink in the future. Although today marks my 30 day no PMO and I want to make it to 90, in hard mode.
     
    onmyway likes this.
  14. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Or just meet up with her and drink less.
     
    onmyway likes this.

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