23, F, rebooting

Hello! Last night I realized I needed to change. I was exposed to a lot of really graphic porn around age 12/13 and I think it messed me up permanently. I don't know if I'd call myself an addict, but I'm prone to escalation with my porn consumption. It's like it's not "good" unless I feel anxious/disgusted/guilty/horrified. I hate it. The things I've watched/read are burned into my brain forever and continue to kind of traumatize me, but I keep going back for more. I don't want that anymore. I can't unsee what I've seen but I don't want to make it worse. I struggle with intimacy in relationships and IDK if this is the cause but it surely isn't helping. I've done what could be called "reboots" outside the context of nofap before, but it's always been a temporary solution. Inevitably it'll start back up again and get weirder and grosser until I'm back in this self-hating place. I think I need to quit both P and M in order to reboot, even though P is definitely the problem.

 

Thank you!