23 Year Old Looking to Restart

Day 8: A few urges coming up, alongside with an urge to return to my old Instagram habits of just scrolling endlessly. I've realized how toxic Instagram can be, especially with just how sexual some posts can get. I'm hoping to continue to stay strong and build tolerance to the urges, and also continue to find more healthy ways to deal with anxiety and panic.

 

Day 9: Had some urges, and noticed that I was feeling a little lonely. Have been somewhat distracted the last few days, and so I guess the sudden lull in work helped me realized I was feeling a bit lonely. It's extremely interesting that I used to use PMO to curb the feelings of loneliness...even though, from a logical perspective, the PMO shouldn't have done anything but provide me with a physical high. I wonder what other methods there are for dealing with loneliness.

 

Day 10: My urges haven't been as strong, but I've been feeling the craving for stimulation/dopamine. I've been sneaking in some looks at Instagram, and it's made me realize how strongly tied my urges are to seeing pictures of attractive women on instagram. They don't even have to be pornographic, or sexually explicit, which worries me a lot more. I think I need to continue to abstain from checking social media frequently, because I find that I feel more confident in myself the less I check out pictures of other people.

 

Day 11: No urges so far today, but I've been feeling some panic for upcoming university deadlines. I've noticed that I normally would use PMO to reduce the tightness in my chest and the anxiety in my mind. Weirdly, despite it being uncomfortable, it's almost nice to be feeling something...because I guess it means that I care about doing well. It's also nice to know that I can work through the difficulties.

 

I appreciate that man, it's really nice to know that there are people out there who actually want to see me succeed. Best wishes on your journey as well!

 

Day 12: Been quite busy today, and so I haven't really felt any urges. The loneliness is there, but it's also weaker than it was before. I'm hoping to get to 20 days and see how things change for me, but life's gonna get quite busy, and so part of me is scared.

 

I appreciate that champ! I think by believing in each other, the process will become a lot easier!!

 

Day 13: Been a bit of a busy day, but managed to get a good amount of work done. Have been really struggling with a uni issue that's ultimately out of my control. It's made me feel a bit tense and anxious, and so part of me wants to PMO to deal with it. I'm doing my best to stay strong and move forward.

 

Day 15: Day 14 was real busy and nothing of particular importance happened. However, this morning I relapsed...and as soon as I did I felt the immense amount of shame creep in. I was so proud of myself hitting two weeks, but I had a momentary lapse of strength and succumbed to feelings of loneliness and restlessness. I've made some adjustments to my schedule and I'm going to see how those work, but for now, I guess I'm back to day 1.