23 year old male, restarting again todat after many attempts

Sup everybody.
Today would have been my 8th day of nofap but I relapsed the past week. I watch porn and fap then I think fuck it, I've failed so I guess I'll watch porn for hours on end and cum multiple times. the porn I go to isnt nice either, it's usually humiliation or degredation stuff where I put myself in the mindset of the abusee. It's this weird link I have in my mind with shame and sex... mental anguish and sex. I think what am I doing right now, I'm intentionally hurting myself, I'm hurting my mind, I'm hurting my body. when I cum it doesnt feel good. I look at my body and I feel disgusted.
I look at my tabs and I feel disgusted. I'm haunted by the imagery for days. I feel embarrassed around people. I feel anguish that I'm not 100 percent for the people who need me.
I tell myself I'll start nofap this month or next month, or the start of the week. it will be a clean slate, the porn and fetishes aren't you. I told myself I'd start again yesterday. then hours into the day I broke and watched porn for 2 hours straight. I know I have to take responsibility and I know this is an addiction. I know I shouldnt feel shame or guilt but I do. I know I'm distracting myself from dealing with my life when I do this. I just blaaaahgh. I'm whining now.
so my goal now is 90 days. I just want to say you guys that have completed this challenge are a huge inspiration, and I wont stop, because of you guys. this thing can be a motherfucker but we can do it. I'm looking for a partner too so if you sound like someone that relates to my experiences let me know. thanks everyone