23 years old and lost

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Jeor Mormont, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. Jeor Mormont

    Jeor Mormont New Fapstronaut

    I've changed courses 3 times at the university and could never settle and have a good performance at my studies. I started with Mechanical Engineering when I was 18 in a university around 120km from my home, then I went to Materials Engineering just because I wanted to change for a university closer to my home, and now I went back to Mechanical Engineering but I kind of lost the interest in it. What kills me is that I have been collecting failures in my studies and lying about it to my parents, and at the age I am right now I don't think they would want to continue supporting me if they knew the truth. The truth of my academical failure is one the demons that haunts me and I'm still trying to overcome it. I decided I'm going to leave engineering, wich I guess was a decision that should have been done a long time ago, but I never had the balls or the maturity to do so, and now I found a passion in Economics. I went through a bit of depression while I was unsure about what to do with my life and suicide even came to my head. My almost nonexistent social life also doesn't help. Reading about Stoicism and writing a journal was helping me to deal with my insecurities and also expressing my feelings here is a big relief. I'm struggling to get a streak longer than 15 days but at least it is better than when I used to PMO almost every day. So, that's my story(kind of a confession, actually). I'm open to any advice. Thanks in advance.
    HustleMan, newtry and Robinthehood like this.
  2. Blonderman

    Blonderman Fapstronaut

    Life is a hard place. Only hard work will cause true change.
    Jeor Mormont likes this.
  3. Blackadder2549

    Blackadder2549 Fapstronaut

    Finding something you want to do with your life is tough, but drifting is no help either. Find something that you're somewhat interested in and stick with it. And as a practising Stoic myself, study that as much as you possibly can, it will help you along the way. And the best way to have a social life is to find a hobby you love, go out into the world and find people that share the same interest, talking to them will be easier than talking to random people.

    I hope some of this is helpful, good luck mate.
    Jeor Mormont likes this.
  4. Daedaleus

    Daedaleus Fapstronaut

    Do what you love mate, I changed majors 3 classes out from graduating with an undergraduate degree in a completely unrelated field. I'm graduating this semester at the age of 27. I'd rather have a job in a field I at least enjoy than one that I didn't. It's never too late to make positive changes in your life and to pursue happiness.
    Jeor Mormont and LTLThrowaway93 like this.
  5. sambo27

    sambo27 Fapstronaut

    Hi there--
    I empathize with much of what you wrote down as I did my degree in mechanical engineering but was never truly in love with it. I ended up getting a job through an internship and have been working at the same company for about ~5 years. I am grateful for the experience, but I have frequent anxiety / excessive rumination that this is not where I want to be, which has been going on since I started.

    Interestingly enough, I do find myself very interested in Economics / marketing / finance. I had a role as an analyst in our marketing department for 2 years, which I enjoyed, but went back to engineering for some reason after that. I don't regret the decision, but I regret not doing more with my time this year to improve my situation.

    Here are a few thoughts / advice:
    1) Only take advice from people you admire. There is a reason you admire them, even if you cant articulate why. Following everyone else's advice will mentally condition you to not trust yourself when you should be.

    2) You are still very young but don't let that get to your head. People would tell me that at 23 (27 now) and I felt that I had all the world in front of me to get things in order. I didn't do much with it. I'm still young but society places new expectations on you at every step.

    3) I promise you are smart enough to get straight A's in school from here on out. Although I didn't, I can honestly say I didn't treat my major as my craft. You have to commit, hammer it down every week, and dominate that shit. Grades are like 90% effort. Commit. Be top of your class. Seriously I've met people that have switched their mentality overnight and just executed and did better at school.

    4) Start watching "Real Social Dynamics" on youtube and embrace what some of those fellas are telling you regarding social situations. You need to lean into your discomfort early on. Things don't take care of themselves so do it now.

    5) Regardless of what you major in, engineering / economics / etc, you will end up in an Industry. It will either be government, healthcare, manufacturing, tech, finance, media, defense, small business, non-profits, etc. If it is not clear what domain you want to be an expert in, try looking at things related to the industry you are interested in. Really, that is what you end up learning throughout your career and what you navigate through.

    6) I want to say love yourself, but when you are depressed, your mind is not working and it is not that simple. I recommend getting an audiobook titled "Radical self-acceptance" by Tara Brach. Also, own your insecurities. Like literally be proud of the fact that you have any and that your life purpose for the next few years is to overcome them.

    You'll get it man. Hope this helps
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  6. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

    I can somewhat feel your pain since I discovered at age 29-30 that my current profession (as an analytical chemist) was not a path I wasn't that passionate about. And I started to come to this realization after six years of university studies, graduate research and four years working in the field. I had simultaneously been going through lots of personal crises and issues during the time and it was thanks to not PMO:ing I could slowly progress myself out of that vicious circle.
    I literally saw no meaning working there 8-10 hours every day, for a petty paycheck, in a town where I had not family or friends, with no prospects of advancing in my career while selling away my precious time to people I didn't like or feel good about anyway.

    This career alone had cost me far more (both economically, physically and spiritually) than it gave me back which is why I finally decided to resign from my position last spring. I couldn't be more grateful since I now (on a daily basis) take small steps towards the life I really want to live as I am making the transition towards it in my new hometown where I have both family and great friends nearby. Looking back, I can't comprehend how I could put myself through that pain, suffering and loneliness it meant for those entire 4-5 years.
    At least, I am a few life experiences richer and should be grateful for it that fact alone. Knowing what you want and don't want in life at age 30 is better than continuing living your life on autopilot and realizing your mistake at age 60-70 or upwards.
  7. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut


    I have a suggestion, but feel free to throw it in the trash if it seems wrong.

    If you struggle with going to college, changing majors, unsure of what to do,

    maybe it's time to take a gap year.

    I took a gap year between my freshman and sophomore years of college.

    When I came back to college, I had a mentality like, hey, let's get er done.

    I didn't really care what my major was: I was there to get the most expensive piece of paper

    ever made, and move the heck on with my life.

    Switching majors and all the confusion is going to create problems.

    You need time to just chill out, work a few menial jobs, and be on your own to think

    outside of university idiots with their bad advice, and outside of the pressure of parents.

    If you get into classes, do half a semester, and drop, take incompletes, or fail, how does that help you?
  8. RicardoL

    RicardoL Fapstronaut

    hey bro don't wanna bore you i feel the same way I was a grade A student, top 5 in my district. the government paid for me to attended university i did electrical eng then somewhere in the story the poor country bumpkin because the laughing stock of the campus, my shoes were hand me downs my clothes unfashionable, i took 5 years to complete a two year program, later i started my degree in industrial eng, i just could go back to my old area the emotional pain was just too much, only to 'crack up' 2 years into the Degree and now at the age of 27 i just started to gain back some control of my life 30 plus days no P 5 days no M
  9. Chapter Master Azrael

    Chapter Master Azrael Fapstronaut

    I'd suggest you don't hide it from your parents. The longer you hide it, the worse the fallout will be. Be open, be honest.
    If your parents do kick you out, I'd suggest a blue-collar job, like construction or loading dock work, then get your economics degree online. I got my B.S. in marketing this way. (I say blue collar work because it pays well and is physical, allowing you to work your stress off. It's also simple, allowing you to think about life while you work.)
    safa61947 likes this.
  10. newtry

    newtry Fapstronaut

    Stay strong my friend! Trust in God and he will give you all the answers you need!
    Chapter Master Azrael likes this.
  11. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    brah if u go to a company and say i gonna work for free for couple of months so i would like you to teach me and then hire me gonna be better than uni in my opinion
  12. Jeor Mormont

    Jeor Mormont New Fapstronaut

    Yeah man, your words were very helpful, I'll try what you recommended and I'll definitely start an Economics degree, since it is what I'm really interested. Hope you also find a role that really fulfills you, either in engineering or Economics / marketing / finance.
    newtry likes this.
  13. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

    Remember that tuition costs these days are astronomical (at least in the US and many other developed nations) and that you got to make a decent amount of money upon graduation in order to repay your student-loans. Try to evaluate if the cost of that college degree (which mostly has been reduced to nothing more but a piece of paper required for employment), economically and time-wise is actually worth it.
    You don't need a 3-6 year degree in order to be proficient in economics and make a living out of it. There are plenty of alternatives these days to a collegiate economics degree that will cost you much less to acquire and from which you will gain much more knowledge, skills and real value (ROI) in the long term.
    Although I have no student-debt from my BS and MS-degrees in chemistry, I still don't consider it being worth six years of my precious time when looking back. Those are six years I will never gain back during my lifetime so do the very best you can with the time you now have.
  14. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut

    My heart bleeds for the originator of the thread because

    I was there myself.

    It seemed, when I was in college, that everybody was full of advice.

    Also, nothing seemed 100% correct or suited for me.

    That's because I am and was a musician.

    Not an accountant, not a financier, not a socialogist, etc.

    I wasted a lot of years trying to do what OTHER people that was right.
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  15. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

    I feel this is an all to similar story for many. You are not alone brother. Im not downgrading your story just saying that as many have said here. This happens.
    My path was a bit the opposite- I knew what I wanted to do. Yet could not afford to not work and go FT school or even PT really. When I did I excelled but my industry essentially gave up on its cultivation. I became very disillusioned,and lost for a long time but am very glad now I did not go into that field.My father was an engineer at very prestigous schools,excelled very well-yet hated it,the stress and push. It drove him aloof in life. School is in my view a self exploratory time. Both social and educational growth needs to happen at a healthy pace and in healthy peramiters.
    Do not ever give up on yourself. Do not ever think your behind. Do not beat yourself up or downgrade your perspective in an unhealthy manner. Analyze your thoughts but do not let them govern your free will. The change will be taken by you alone but in your terms.
    Lastly,its your future. Sometimes we must find out what we dont like before we find what we do like. Maybe your struggle is a key to your passion to help others w/ the same..the horizon is only the begining. Its never an end. Stay healthy and positive brother. You got this! I know you dont know me but I belive in you.
    HustleMan likes this.
  16. LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself

    LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself Fapstronaut

    If I could make another suggestion, which again, goes into the trash pile sometimes,
    it's to do this one thing.

    Imagine your life in 5 years. What are you doing for a career?

    Are you creative, maybe a musician or writer?
    How about athletics?
    Is it in the sciences/engineering/architecture/physics?
    Do you prefer research or do you like to work on physicial things, like buildings or infrastructure projects?

    Maybe it's time to do something that nobody else you know does.
    Maybe you have something that you want to accomplish that
    your family doesn't do, and they don't understand it.

    Well, if that is the case, then brother, that is the thing to do,
    because if your friends aint doing it,
    and the world thinks you're an idiot to try it,
    usually it is the very thing TO DO,
  17. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    Failure? Really? I thought you were going to say something like you started out in Pre-Med, then switched to Theatrical Performance Arts, and then went into Philosophy. You went from Mechanical Engineering to Materials Engineering and back to Mechanical Engineering. You rebel, you! How shocking! And, even if you had the doctor-actor-philosopher conflict, what of it? Now is the time to experiment, see yourself in many possible futures, and get experience in various areas. What will be absolutely true in your future, even if you do or do not become an Engineer, is that nothing that you have tried or learned or received some experience in will ever go to waste. All your skills, however achieved and however having coming into your experience, will all intertwine one day as skill sets in whatever job, related or unrelated, that you pursue in the future. Sure, it would be nice to have a solid insight of what you want as a future profession, but that really is not the case for most young people, and life often stirs you in quite other directions than the original thought or plan - but nothing from the past is wasted (even in jobs that seem unrelated) - you become an amalgam of all the many facets that have made you who you are. There is no shame or failure in not getting it right or finding the right avenue the first time - it would be more unusual if you didn't, comparatively. Your parents would probably readily understand this wisdom from their very own lives. Your opinion of them is perhaps another blind spot of your young age which cannot imagine your parents as having walked similar paths themselves. Meeting a dead end or even falling is really not failure anyway. Failure is giving up completely, not getting up and tying something else, or not putting yourself faithfully in whatever you are doing at the time. If we are guilty of any of those things, change your attitude, start afresh, and move forward still even if you spend you whole life doing this. Life is the journey, not the destination.
    sambo27 likes this.

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