Hi everyone. I decided to join your Community again to get my shit together and become a better man. Once when i was 19 years old i finished the 30days Challenge but collapse at the same day. Warning Trigger Warning Trigger Warning Trigger Warning Trigger To my story: I started pmo and mo together. When i was 12 or 13 a girl in my class send me a plink and told all dudes are doing this. Ok. One or two years later i had daily sessions with up to 5 Tabs in my Browser. As Teenager i assess girls only objective. With 16 when i went out to partys i had one girl every weekend (just kissing). Some people were confused why i dont have a Girlfriend, so they told i am Gay. This was when my pconsum was very strong with fetish .. cuz of the triggereffect. I think it was to much for my age that time. ... sex with animals, hardcore anal, jailbait etc. .. crazy shit. I hate it if peoples call me gay, they do it my whole life. Even before i knew what it means. At this time p become boring for me and i decided to look for a Girlfriend ... in a Chatroom. Yes. A chatroom. Strange old mens were texting me. First it was disgusting and i went back to p. But one day i was curious and it was appealing. So i start chatting and p .. Day for Day. It was just another kind of trigger but i didnt know. I started believing i am Gay or bi because the older where other teen discovered their sexaulity. Its freaked me out. I loved girls and never wanted to be Gay. That couldnt be. I had Problems with myself so i decided to test it. But i didnt trust to. At this time i met a Girl from Neighbourhood but she was crazy. I let her go after 3 months when she told me, we cant meet for 2 weeks because a dude from Mallorca holidays lives now in her place. It was a crazy time. She was a Bitch, i was horny and we were Friends. But nothing happens. Once i was tender but she just laught at me and called me a baby. An other time i pushed her down sexy and pulled her hair alittle bit but she becomes Angry and kicked me out of her House. She always texted me. Dont know why i met her everyday for 3 months. I was young, horny and a virgin.... Then one day after a party where no one wanted to talks to me cuz everybody said iam Gay, i decided to test it the next day. So i had oral sex with a guy from the chat. It was so humiliating. Its not mine. But ok. Once is nonce. I felt dirty but glad for the Experience I am done with it. But then everybody of my Friends knew it! Everybody told everybody. I didnt know how they knew. I freaked out completely I became paranoid and psychotic with a strong depression. Abort school and Social life. Didnt left my bed for 1 1/2 years. Today i am pretty wasted. Still addicted to porn, no willpower, Kind of hocd, no Job because i cant decided what i want to do. Every morning i fight with depression and cant get up. Its destroying my life. But i will work for my success. Quiting porn is the first step. I cant remember a time when i didnt mo without p. It was always p+Mo. I decided to nofap again because i want to be a better man for my sweet girlfriend and i remember these days with nofap, where i had every day so much Motivation und energy. I want it back. [Day 9] Cheers.