24 y/o back to life

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Pull the trigger, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. Pull the trigger

    Pull the trigger New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone.

    I decided to join your Community again to get my shit together and become a better man.
    Once when i was 19 years old i finished the 30days Challenge but collapse at the same day.



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    To my story:
    I started pmo and mo together. When i was 12 or 13 a girl in my class send me a plink and told all dudes are doing this.
    Ok.

    One or two years later i had daily sessions with up to 5 Tabs in my Browser.
    As Teenager i assess girls only objective.
    With 16 when i went out to partys i had one girl every weekend (just kissing).

    Some people were confused why i dont have a Girlfriend, so they told i am Gay.
    This was when my pconsum was very strong with fetish ..
    cuz of the triggereffect.
    I think it was to much for my age that time. ... sex with animals, hardcore anal, jailbait etc. .. crazy shit.

    I hate it if peoples call me gay, they do it my whole life. Even before i knew what it means.
    At this time p become boring for me and i decided to look for a Girlfriend
    ... in a Chatroom.
    Yes.
    A chatroom.

    Strange old mens were texting me.
    First it was disgusting and i went back to p.
    But one day i was curious and it was appealing.
    So i start chatting and p
    .. Day for Day.
    It was just another kind of trigger but i didnt know.

    I started believing i am Gay or bi because the older where other teen discovered their sexaulity.

    Its freaked me out.
    I loved girls and never wanted to be Gay.
    That couldnt be.

    I had Problems with myself so i decided to test it. But i didnt trust to.

    At this time i met a Girl from Neighbourhood but she was crazy.
    I let her go after 3 months when she told me, we cant meet for 2 weeks because a dude from Mallorca holidays lives now in her place.
    It was a crazy time.
    She was a Bitch, i was horny and we were Friends.
    But nothing happens.
    Once i was tender but she just laught at me and called me a baby.
    An other time i pushed her down sexy and pulled her hair alittle bit but she becomes Angry and kicked me out of her House.
    She always texted me. Dont know why i met her everyday for 3 months.
    I was young, horny and a virgin....

    Then one day after a party where no one wanted to talks to me cuz everybody said iam Gay, i decided to test it the next day.
    So i had oral sex with a guy from the chat.
    It was so‎ humiliating.
    Its not mine.
    But ok.
    Once is nonce.
    I felt dirty but glad for the Experience
    I am done with it.

    But then everybody of my Friends knew it!
    Everybody told everybody.
    I didnt know how they knew.

    I freaked out completely
    I became paranoid and psychotic with a strong depression.
    Abort school and Social life.
    Didnt left my bed for 1 1/2 years.

    Today i am pretty wasted. Still addicted to porn, no willpower, Kind of hocd, no Job because i cant decided what i want to do.
    Every morning i fight with depression and cant get up.
    Its destroying my life.

    But i will work for my success.
    Quiting porn is the first step.
    I cant remember a time when i didnt mo without p.
    It was always p+Mo.

    I decided to nofap again because i want to be a better man for my sweet girlfriend and i remember these days with nofap, where i had every day so much Motivation und energy.
    I want it back.

    [Day 9]


    Cheers.
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! You aren't alone. There are a lot of guys here who can identify with things you've shared.

    I hope you keep coming back.
     
  3. JHT98

    JHT98 Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong mate!
    Many guys are having the same problems as you. Stay away from porn. Download a porn blocker, give the password to anyone and don’t give up. NEVER! God will help you!
     
  4. Hi
    Glad to meet you here. And very welcome to join us in our journey to a healthy, fulfilling life without any self harming habits.
    Thanks for sharing a bit of your story.

    There is a lot of work to do in your life.
    Like an onion can be peeled of layer by layer, your life can be peeled of before reaching the root issues.
    I believe your "being gay" is a distraction for a deeper layered issue.

    But welcome here!
    It's a safe place here. We all are in the same boat, so there is no single space for judgement here.
    Maybe it's a good idea to keep a journal. Sharing your struggles, thoughts and feelings may help you to understand the underlying issues.

    Keep coming back and get the most effort out of nofap!
    You don't need to do it alone!

    Let's go to work! And make it a great time here for yourself!
     

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