I've been watching pornography and masturbating since before puberty, at a very young age. 11 seems accurate, but I may have been much younger when it first started. I've been pretty enshrined in shame for most of the addiction, and I've called it an "addiction" for a very long time. It contributed to my depression as a young teenager, and I even went to the extent of self-harm whenever I masturbated, because I was internally frustrated with my lack of self control...it wasn't a happy time in my life for various reasons. My heaviest porn and masturbation times were during my middle school and teenage years, but the problem has carried with me to a significant degree now into my 20's, and the form that the problem as taken has evolved and become riskier for my physical safety (see below). I've never told anyone that this is an issue. I tried telling my first-ever therapist when I was 18, and she somehow never understood the gravity of the situation. And then I've just always had more pressing concerns to deal with, when seeing future therapists. I've never disclosed this to any of my long-term partners either (I've had 3 boyfriends, and I'm currently in a relationship). I've tried quitting by myself many times over the years, but I've never had a structured plan with a support system like this before. I'm here because I consider this to be an uncontrollable addiction, it has had marked effects on my overall impulse control, mental cloudiness, and feelings of apathy when not masturbating. I've resorted to engaging in risky sexual activities. I've embarrassed myself by getting too drunk and hooking up with people that I shouldn't have because I had working social relations with them. I've traumatized myself by losing my virginity to someone much older than me when I wasn't ready and we had just met. I've embarrassed myself by making out with people I shouldn't have in front of people that I shouldn't have. My freshman year of college, I used hooking up with new people every weekend as a psychological coping mechanism. I've made my past and current boyfriends concerned for me by being unpredictable in when I'm ready to have sex and how ready I am to fully engage, sexually. It's affected my ability to regularly reach orgasm when I'm with my partner. The list goes on... This is my day 1, and I'm writing my first post because I'm currently fighting urges. Thanks in advance for any and all encouraging words, and I'm excited to see where this takes me.